Friends.... some SI

[libby]

Hi. Got a dilemma here that I have no idea what to do about.

(sorry guys it's really long.....)


I cut myself the other night for the first time in ages. Before that, I'd had some friends over for a meal and when they went home, one of them was texting me. We have a strange friendship - I like him a lot and he's always flirting with me but has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship. Which for a start messes me around cos I get annoyed at him flirting.

But anyway, the other night, we were texting and at some point (I was very drunk) my crazy switch just flipped, and I went from being happy after our night to desperately needing to cut. So I texted him. And told him I needed to cut myself - he didn't know anything about it before this point.

He was very flippant at first and said, don't be silly, chill out listen to some music, etc. And I got more and more mad trying to get him to realise I was serious. In the end he said look, I don't understand all this, go to bed I'll come see you in the morning.

Anyway, I ended up cutting myself. The next day he didn't text me to find out if I was ok, and I ended up texting him to say sorry for being so crazy and to not tell anyone I'd cut myself (which a msn friend flipped at me for, lol. On the basis that he was the dickhead not me). And he just said oh, ok glad you're feeling better.

Now. What do I do? He either doesn't believe me, doesn't care or doesn't know what to say. I probably won't see him for about a week from now. I want him to either acknowledge what I've done or just show general concern. I feel like I'm attention seeking but I just feel crap because he doesn't seem to worry, and for all he knew I might have hit and artery and died.

I can't cut him out cos then I'd never see any of my other friends.

I don't know whether to email him and explain in more detail or whether he should contact me first, or WHAT?!!

It's complicated by the fact that I still have a crush on him I think.

I have no experience of dealing with friends' reactions, except a couple of msn friends. One of whom only found out the other night when I was trying not to cut.

I'd appreciate any ideas.....

Or tales of how your mates have responded - good and bad.....

[kwisten]

hey, the friends thing is tough, i know...i told my best friend about it one night in the car and her response was "ohh ok" kinda confused and i was hurt by this at first, since then we've talked about anything and everything and she said that one it took her off guard and she didnt know what to say, and she said to people who dont cut its one of those things you hear about but dont realize is acctually real, and thirdly she said it didnt really hit her until she saw it and then it sank in...my advice if he's a great friend talk to him, tell him honestly what you think or feel about it, good friends are worth the risk...and yes as i am telling you this i am hiding from someone who would be a great friend cause she's too close. So i guess live and learn...good luck, if you need to talk message me

[libby]

Thanks Kwisten

He is a great mate, I just get really scared that either he is freaked out by me or he just doesn't care.

But the way I am feeling now...... I'd prefer to email him and risk losing friendship rather than having to go out drinking with him and pretend that we are all ok, and no-one has ever brought up the cutting issue, and that everything is fan-bloody-tastic!

But I need to dwell on it to make sure.

I hope you work it out with your mate kwisten rant to me here or on pm if you want

xxx

[Space_Man]

…I want him to either acknowledge what I've done or just show general concern…

…why…?

[longlost-hope]

Correct me if im wrong, cause libby can speak for herself, But when i first tell someone about sh, i dont want rejection. I want that person to say that its alright. Cause if not i get all anxious and panic and think that everyone hates me...

[Bathelina]

It can be very difficult to understand for the first time when you're told something like that. Not everyone takes it the same way. Maybe he just doesn't understand and doesn't want to make anything worse. I don't think it's anything personal; I can't really explain but it's very hard to take it if someone says that to you and just give him some time.
From Hannah

[ru290]

i think the most probable thing is he probably didnt know what to say or how to react. he's probably never come across anything like this before and doesnt know what to do....dont blame him for not knowing how to deal with it. but also, i can understand how hard this is, i have been in this situation before, too. i reckon the best thing to do is when you're next on your own with him just be brave and be like "sorry i shocked u with that i didnt mean to pile it on you. sory, just forget about it." and see what he says, because the thing about emails texts and such like is sometimes if the person doesnt want to/cant face the way they're feeling they'll just ignore it....at least face to face hes gotta say somethin (or run away!!)
so try that...just one thing to add:

I can't cut him out cos then I'd never see any of my other friends.

if this is true, then you should really think about whether or not (i know you said he doesnt want a relationship) whether its worth bothering with him or even the possibility of having a relationship with him, cos when it ends, you'll not just loose him, but your other mates too. i know its serious and bla bla probably not what u wanna hear, but just some thoughts. sorry. pm me if u need to
ru x