i Just need to talk....vent.....

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 3:18 am

hey...i just need to get this out....

i dont know what im doing anymore....somehow i feel so alone, in the world, in life.....as if there is nothing and no one worth fighting for....which isnt what i believe but ive lost myself and i keep dreaming there will be this person who will come and save me from all the endless lies and depression that surround my life, that somewhere someone will come and take me from this harsh reality that insists on tearing me apart.....but i wait and wait and then i realized no one is coming to save me...im alone...and by the time i can get myself out of this circle of self punishment it will be too late and there wont be anything left to save....somehow i was eaten alive by this world and it didnt even have the decency to kill me, all it did was watch me lie on the pavement asking why does no one care....no one even sees it....they all pass me by..without so much as glancing.....im tired of living in the shadow where no one even realizes im alive...im just this worthless pile of a broken person and i lack the initiative to get up, yet somehow i have to hold this cover up to save the feelings of friends and family when all i want to do is run...run fast and far where i can escape the torment that haunts me every day....and now i think its begun to eat me alive....and i dont even know where to turn....thanks for listening.....
~NIghtSeArch

PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit · Post by **PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 5:08 am

Hey,
I know your alive. I also know what it's like to be in that position. I've been there. Them only reason I am here is because my friends helped me to realize that the only way to change anything is to help others. I have learned that the only way to dig yourself out of your hole is to help others dig out of theirs. It is through our actions that we change the world not our words. I'm always here if you want to talk.

NotWhoIUsedToBe · Post by **NotWhoIUsedToBe** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 11:08 am

but ive lost myself and i keep dreaming there will be this person who will come and save me from all the endless lies and depression that surround my life,

Hey! Just asking questions if that's ok.. What ways do you have for coping? do you have a T? or anyone who you can talk to.. are the lies keeping the 'secret'? are you or meds?
Sounds like you are doing a lot of covering up and npot enough sharing....

caring thoughts go out to you!

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 3:26 pm

hey PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit, : )
thanks, its good to know u are there and that i can talk to u--and thank u for the advice....had a bad moment there- its good to know i have my friends

Psyche,
no its ok, u can ask questions, for coping i just try to do the things i enjoy, watching movies, spending time with friends....things that i think make life better.....right now im seeing someone so i suppose i have a person to talk to...im not on meds...the lies are both with me and with certain people arond me....ur right i do a lot of covering up.... i guess in the end its as much for my protection as it is for theirs....
~NIghtSeArch

NotWhoIUsedToBe · Post by **NotWhoIUsedToBe** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:43 pm

i guess in the end its as much for my protection as it is for theirs....

I understand that...

You'll find the right balance in the end I'm sure just do your best to communicate how you are feeling.

Take care

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 3:02 am

thank you

PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit · Post by **PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 7:03 am

NIghtSeArch wrote:hey PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit, : )
thanks, its good to know u are there and that i can talk to u--and thank u for the advice....had a bad moment there- its good to know i have my friends

We all have our bad moments. God knows, I've had mine. I'm always here for you sissy. Twitter Mouse is too. You can always talk to us. If you want something to remain private, you can tell me. I don't tell my friends secrets, you know that. I love you hun.

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 11:43 pm

thanks, ur the best *hugs* i cant even tell you how much that means to me, i love you too! :1hug3:

Twitter Mouse · Post by **Twitter Mouse** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 1:09 pm

Hey, sorry I came a little late on this one.
I'm sorry you feel so bad, but like ppdbr said, you can always talk to us. If I can ever help with anything, just let me know. I love you, and I'll do anything I can to help you and help you feel better.

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Tue Jul 20, 2004 3:23 am

thank you twitter! i love u too! i dont kno what id do without u guys

Dazzle · Post by **Dazzle** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 2:05 am

hey, sry, as twit it looks like i came a lil late..but..u no i'm ALWAYS here for u..jus gimme a buzz..there may be some things i can't, but there's a lot goin on with you that i can relate to too, and it's great to have someone to talk about it..but i'm here for you too..so yeaaa..that's a buncha babble saying call me!..loll...c ya on the flip side..(hopefully), but even if it's not, i'll still be here..love ya

~jessi~

PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit · Post by **PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit** » Mon Jul 26, 2004 5:07 am

we are all here for you. Face it, your not alone. Even when you think you are.

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 11:22 pm

yAy!!!!!!!!!!

drummer · Post by **drummer** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:23 am

NIghtSeArch .... I can totally relate to your first note.
You have blessed me by letting me know I'm not alone in such feelings.
The wording could not have been more right-on if I had written them myself.

I don't know who to trust anymore... including myself.
I totally SUCK at relationships of any kind. Just when I start to feel comfortable enough to risk trusting, my theory proves itself again.
I don't know if I'm more sad about that or the fact that there are people out there convinced depression is "contagious" and don't want to get near.

I also totally agree that helping others is a great release.
However, sometimes after helping others, I think it makes me desire just a little something from someone... which doesn't happen.
But I know the right thing to do is persevere and not let the jerks get me down.
So glad I found y'all.... thanks for being there.

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 6:34 pm

drummer, its helps to kno other people kno how it feels, I understand what ur saying completely.....its as if the moment ur ready to let someone see who u really are is the moment they disappoint you, and when u reach out to help others u begin to almost give a part of urself away and u keep giving more of urself until only this empty feeling remains, a feeling that keeps at u and when u dont get anything back in return u no longer have anything left to offer anyone....and then how is it even possible to have a healthy realationship at all.......im not sure, but i do know ur right to not let the jerks out there to keep u down, and ur in good company with us, no matter what were always here, and if u ever need to talk or just a hug u kno where to look

PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit · Post by **PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:34 am

gee who are some of ur jerks? No dont answer, personally I dont really wanna know.

NIghtSeArch · Post by **NIghtSeArch** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:44 pm

lol, come now we all know people in which the term stupidity only just barely scratches the surface

which is a sad fact in itself

PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit · Post by **PinkPokaDottedBunnyRabbit** » Wed Aug 11, 2004 12:16 pm

yes yes I know.

bus

i Just need to talk....vent.....

i Just need to talk....vent.....

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