response to a child

PsychoChild · Post by **PsychoChild** » Mon Jun 14, 2004 10:22 am

both of my nephews (6 and

have asked about my scars. i told them similar stories, that i fell, etc. with adults i don't much care what they think and i'll make a smartass remark, but i really struggle with what to tell the kids. i don't think it is wrong to lie about si to them. i know i can protect them from the world, and there are worse things they are going to learn about, but they are so young, do i really need to expose them to the truth about si? also, adults dont even get it, how to help a child understand? it seems pointless to even try. my therapist suggested that i tell them a variation of the truth. that i have a problem and my doctor is helping me with it, or something. that just doesn't feel right though. then they will ask a ton of questions. won't understand. will tell the friends, tearchers, etc. i don't know. what would you do? any ideas? when do you think it's right to tell a kid about it... what age? what would be the key things to say? how could you possibly help them understand even a tiny bit? ahh!

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon Jun 14, 2004 10:41 am

i'd say be honest. for one thing... it's easier to field questions. for another... imo they'd be more likely to believe you... to trust what you say about it... to take your word for it rather than to take what you say & go ask 5 people whether or not what you say is true.

'i cut myself.'
why?
'sometimes i have trouble when i get upset & cutting is how i learned to deal. it's not a way that's good for me to deal & so i'm learning to find other ways so i can stop.'

i'd say go for honest... short... & specific if you can.
if it were me... i'd stick in something about it being unhealthy/bad for you... since sometimes lil kids look up to ppl older than them & copy.
sometimes lil kids understand a lot better than adults... they take things as they are... rather than trying to read so much into things

good luck

tenar · Post by **tenar** » Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:00 pm

i guess it depends on the kid....i've met some who will pursue a point over and over and are generally curious, others who just accept an excuse.

if they are the latter you could just say 'i cut myself' and when they ask why say something like 'i was being a bit silly/careless/it was a mistake' which is maybe part of the truth. if they are the former then i guess a full lie is the best and a pretty watertight one at that, there is nothing as determined as a 6 year old.

xx

sachiel · Post by **sachiel** » Fri Jun 18, 2004 5:14 am

Well, I think I would be somewhat honest too, and explain that it's a naughty thing to do, just like smoking. Unfortunately, self-mutilation is quite common in today's society, and they *will* learn of the existance eventually. If they ask, maybe tell them that you did it on purpose and it was a very bad thing. If they ask why, say, um, maybe because you were sad?

But yeah, honesty works.

rinny · Post by **rinny** » Fri Jun 18, 2004 4:36 pm

my neice asked me about my scars when she was about 6 and she's one of those kids who wants an answer that makes sense, so I told her "I'm very sad and hurt myself to feel better, but that's not a healthy thing to do and it doesn't really make my sadness go away, so I'm trying to learn new ways to feel better." and she seemed satisfied with the answer. I worry that it might somehow encourage her to try it for herself, but I'm probably just being paranoid. I think you can emphasize the negativity of SI while still being honest and accepting of it.

EllemyshShade · Post by **EllemyshShade** » Fri Jun 18, 2004 6:49 pm

I worry about what I'm going to say to my own child one day.

So far, I don't have any good responses to an unborn childs probing questions. I guess I have a few years to figure them out.

grrrr · Post by **grrrr** » Sat Jun 19, 2004 2:08 am

usually when kids ask me(i work a few hours a week in a daycare at a gym) then tend to suggest things for me. they say something like "oh, did your kitty do that?" and i just agree(sorry kitties!). my niece has yet to ask(she's three), but i'm waiting for that day to come. my other niece, who is 11, is also here for the summer and i'm afraid she'll ask, but if she does, i will tell her the truth. she's a lot like me(good at school, doesn't have an awful lot of friends, etc) and i'm afraid of her doing something like this too. i worry about my nephew sometimes too(the 15 yr old one). he's a bit of a strange one and i worry about him, but i dont' see him very often. i'm afraid of telling kids because i could give them ideas, but i think eventually they will learn about it anyway. i dunno.

meg

Sabrina102 · Post by **Sabrina102** » Sat Jun 19, 2004 6:31 am

I tend to dissemble or obfuscate because I'm not out about it. I don't like lying, especially to kids, so I tend to look for ways to change the subject or deflect the truth, for example, "They are scratches, but they're getting better," or, "I hurt myself and it wasn't fun, but it's getting better." Focusing on the healing helps to move the conversation off the topic of how you got them. Especially if you are matter-of-fact about it and change the subject to something more interesting, kids will generally take this at face value.

I wonder/worry about telling my cousin someday; she's about to turn thirteen, very mature and intelligent. But she's also had her share of trouble, she's about to hit all the icky parts of adolescence, and she looks up to me. She probably will find out that this exists before very long, but I don't want her to connect it with me. I want better for her.

michigansucks · Post by **michigansucks** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 5:56 am

So I get questions from little kids all the time about why I don't have any legs. Sometimes i'm honest, sometimes I tell them mean things like "because santa clause took them away." Ah, its the little things in life.

bus

response to a child

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