My husband blames me for the SI

[Ran]

Hello!

I have to say in advance that I am a multiple, and therefore there might be 'I' or 'we', both meaning ... well, me/ us.

I am still struggling very much with impulses, and I feel that my husband cannot support me. Whenever we talk about the SI, the bottom line in what he says is "You must absolutely stop that, and never do it again".
Wow, really? :/ This is SO unhelpful. I mean, he listened several times when I described to him in what a state we are when we do it, and that in some moments neither I nor anyone else can stop it, and that we already have been stopping it so often, but this is what he does not realize. He does not understand that the scars we have are only a fraction of the scars we would have if we weren't fighting it so much. He does not understand the sheer amount of discipline it takes, and how exhausting it is not to do it.
He says that he knows it is an addiction and that it is hard, but he does not act like he understands. In January, we had a major relapse after years of not doing anything. And he still blames me for it, even though I told him how hard I fought to prevent it from getting even worse. He tells me how bad it is that I cannot show my arm anymore etc. as if I did not know it.

And his strategy? He says I should tell him in advance when I 'want' to SI.

How on earth am I supposed to do that? In that moment, we cannot see another option. So of course we would not go to him and tell him. And especially if it is triggered by an argument with him - I can totally see me telling him 'Now I want to SI because we are fighting'. This sounds so much like blackmail. Argh...

Does anyone of you have/ had similar experiences? How did you cope?

Thank you so much in advance...

Ran

[Ran]

... I wanted to add that I know that he has a lot on his plate with me, and that he tries. That post came across maybe a bit unappreciative...