I need some closure....

[PokemonGeek]

I am trying to let go of my past and part of doing so would involve me to contact people that have hurt me emotionally in high school and left deep scars in my soul. One guy had harrassed me on a daily basis and even sexually harrassed me physically and this girl always told me to shut up whenever I tried to say something because "no one cares." How should I approach them and tell them what they caused me to go through for years? They ARE part of the reason I started to hurt myself because of the way they treated me. I mean if the girl hadn't told me "no one cares" I might not have had to suffer in silence over the one popular football player's accident in that I actually believed I was some awful monster for thinking no one would care about me if I had that accident. The kid almost died and that fact magnified the guilt and shame I felt for feeling some envy. Some advice would greatly be appreciated!

[PokemonGeek]

I DO have the wonderful support of my sister and therapist. I saw my therapist a bit about how I felt and she said that she believed it might not help my recovery. I see her view point and think the same but I also feel I need this to move on. She DID mention how I have talked less about the past and that it was a good thing. I just need to not necessarily forget about my past but not have regrets and any hang ups about it either.

[nthdegree62]

I don't know how long ago this happened to you. If it was a long time ago by now, you might not be able to tell them in person. You can however write letters, either for just yourself, or to send. You can draw out your pain also. If you decide to confront them, you have to be prepared for them to be even more hurtful than before, still not caring or possibly an apology from them. You should have a clear idea of what you expect. Do you want an apology? A recognition from them of how they hurt you? Do you just need to tell them? If that is the case, what would telling them in person do for you that would be different than a letter? I wish you luck.

[swirlish]

Hey

I was wondering, why do you feel you have to meet them? What does closure mean to you? What do you want from the experience? What is important to you? How will you react if they have forgotten you? If they deny what happened? If they laugh at you and call you names? How would meeting them make you not have regrets? How would meeting them enable you to let go?

Answer any or all questions if you want, but it might be good to think about. I've spent lots and lots of thinking thinking about confronting those who hurt me, but I've realized that it wouldn't do me any good. What happened happened and it happened no matter what they say about it now (or not). I don't need (or want) their apologies, that's not important to me and wouldn't make any difference.

I think confronting someone can be beneficial, but that you should think long and hard about your motives for doing so and examine whether you're truly ready for all possible scenarios.

Mia

[PokemonGeek]

As horrible as it may sound, these two were part of the main reason I started to SI. By being told that "no one cared" about me and then an accident that almost killed a popular football player in my graduating class, everyone seemed to be more concrened for his improvement and recovery and I was left in the dark. I then started having thoughts about how no one would care if I was in that accident and I'd snap out of it by telling myself what a "monster" I was to even think that. This went on for four and a half years AFTER I graduated high school and I was terrified by these thoughts but too afraid to tell someone. I truly believed that the entire world would completely hate me if I told anyone my "deep dark secret" and it grew worse everyday. I was numbing myself by SI and in a way as a punishment. I actually believed I deserved no sympathy for how I felt and deserved to suffer for it. These thoughts STILL torment me daily. And all this was because the one girl told me everyday, "no one cared" about me OR what I had to say. The guy, well let's just say he violated my rights in SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways and never was reprimanded for any of them, especially touching me inappropriately as a "joke." It was seven years before I told anyone what he truly did to me. And worse of all, he did in front of the whole boys gym class. I tormented everyday by the thoughts of what these two said and did to me and what I did to try to repress these thoughts and try to make myself feel better in such awful ways. I just can't move on to the future and fully let go of my past because of these two people. I really don't want an apology as much as letting them know what they did to me was wrong and letting them know how their actions and words could lead others to do similar things to themselves if these two are careful enough. I mainly want that for the girl. The guy, I actually would prefer smashing his face in with a baseball bat but since that is VERY violent and wrong, confronting him is the next best option I have. You can't imagine the torment of the thoughts I develop still have on me knowing now that I COULD HAVE told someone how I felt and no one would be repulsed by me and never want to have anything to do with me.

[VerMOZZica]

Hello Pokemon Geek

I hope I`m not being offensive or anything by saying this.I`ve seen how people being bullied can affect them throughout their lives.But I think you need not to let these awful people hurt you anymore.Don`t give them that power over you.Again I hope that was not offensive to you.