so this is what you do. first, write out a list of things that are bugging you, everything you can think of. heres mine.
my sisters prettier than me, ill always be the ugly sister.
i havent had a boyfriend in so so long, im so fucking lonely.
however hard i try, i wont be able to impress my mum.
ill never get on with my dad.
im not going to get into university, at least the one i want anyway.
i made a new nickname to reinvent myself, to forget all the shit that happened the last 2 years, but fucking history keeps coming back to piss on me some more.
i dont understand why i keep getting so upset by people whose opinions no longer matter like they did in high school.
i wish i had a more outgoing personality.
i wish i was pretty so personality didnt matter.
i wish i was smarter.
im jealous of my sister having a boyfriend.
i wish i was skinnier.
i wish more people liked me.
i wish i could move so my past didnt haunt me.
i wish my real friends hadnt moved on from me.
i wish i was less vulnerable to attack.
i know ive changed a lot since high school, and for the better, and i have some amazing friends, but why am i still so anxious about the old stuff/people?
i wish that someone, somewhere, would for once look at me and be jealous, like i am of other girls.
i wish i had been popular in high school, so i wouldnt be so fucked up now.
i wish i could quit my job so i wouldnt see people i hate and have awkward small talk.
i wish i could just be happy with what i have.
and now ive done the list, you know what? fuck it. i then do a second list, and it turns out nearly every single statement or complication is exaggerated and overdramatic:
so my sisters prettier than me. doesnt make me ugly, just not as pretty as her!
i havent had a boyfriend not because i cant get one, but because i dont want one at the moment!
i do impress my mum, and i know shes proud of me whatever i do. she doesnt realise what she says sometimes.
i might not ever get on with my dad, but ill never stop loving him.
if i dont get into the uni i want, then i tried my hardest and i couldnt have done any better. its just the way the cookie crumbles.
history hasnt come back. just a couple of stupid, meaningless things. i dont even know if they were malicious. they probably werent!
i know their opinions dont matter. whats going to happen if some random guy abuses me on formspring? fuck all, thats what.
i am outgoing, compared to most. i wish i was more outgoing, but then i might annoy people, and i like being able to express my moody side, too.
i am pretty. not amazing, but above average, and i know it.
i am smart, articulate and knowledgable for my age. even the A students at high school arent as clever as me. grades do matter, but i have life intelligence.
i was jealous, but im kind of over it. i chose not to have a boyfriend.
im not exactly fat. people would love to be my size.
a lot of people like me. especially since i changed myself. its different since high school.
i know i dont want to move. id miss all the amazing friends i have.
i lost a couple of friends, but thats how life goes. the most important ones are still here.
i am less vulnerable. i just need to keep that mindset.
im trying not to be so anxious about stupid, insignificant things that didnt matter.
im sure someone has been jealous of me at least once.
its a shame high school went badly, but it made me who i am today. i had a rough patch for three years or so, but maybe that made me a more considerate and perceptive person.
i do wish i could quit my job, but its not so bad seeing old wankers all the time. at least they can see ive changed.
i am happy with what i have. what will be, will be, and if anything changes, thats how life goes. i just need to deal with it. so heres me dealing with it, NOW.
and heres a random cow to finish me off
feel free to use this idea...typing all that out actually helped a lot, i feel so much better
