defense mechanisms

[SerenBach]

so i have known that the way i react and deal with stuff is abnormal and that i have some defense mechanisms.

i looked it up on the internet (i know this is wrong but i needed to know more)

Isolation: Separation of feelings from ideas and events, for example, describing a murder with graphic details with no emotional response.

Intellectualization: A form of isolation; concentrating on the intellectual components of a situation so as to distance oneself from the associated anxiety-provoking emotions; separation of emotion from ideas; thinking about wishes in formal, affectively bland terms and not acting on them; avoiding unacceptable emotions by focusing on the intellectual aspects

these are the best descriptions i can relate a lot too.

examples from me:

my father died in feb and although i wasnt close and didnt know him very well he was around for the first 6 years of my life and i have quite a few memories of him. when i found out i cried out of shock but never mourning, depression, missing him etc all the normal stages of grief. i told 1 person irl and i carried on as normal cos thats how i felt.

over the past 3 ish years i have felt minimal emotion. in both directions - hapy and sad.

like if i got unexpected good results in class i will act happy - smile, say wow, omg, etc. act surprised. but inside i wont feel anything and wont be affected at all.

same happens in depressing situations - friends told me her cat died they were really emotional and i couldnt muster any empathy or support or intrest actually.

i tend to approach things with apathy and i cant remember the last time i felt nervous, got butterflies in my stomach, was shocked or even feeling truly happy or sad. its just constant numbness unaffected by everything.

i dont really know if its a defense mechanism and im protecting myself in some way but i cant figure out what im supposed to be protected from.

im really confused and i dont know how to stop it and start being normal.

[LoverlyLaurie]

hi, i just wanted to let you know that the day i really started thinking about SH, i woke up feeling totally numb, like i didn't have the ability to be sad or happy, or anything really.

A friend of mine died a few years ago and it was something so sudden, i was shocked just like you said, so i cried, but i don't ever remember feeling my own remorse really for her death. I remember feeling sad that others were sad, but not sad because she died. It made me question all of my feelings.

Intellectualization: A form of isolation; concentrating on the intellectual components of a situation so as to distance oneself from the associated anxiety-provoking emotions; separation of emotion from ideas

I have been through many sudden, unexpected changes in my physical health, for example, I am a cancer survivor. When I was diagnosed, i only cried a little because my mom was crying, i never really sat down and mourned the fact that i was sick, i just looked at the steps that had to be taken to get rid of the cancer, and i didn't focus on how i felt because i was sick.

So, i guess i'm trying to say that i can totally relate to the "numb" feeling. It is how i cope too, i think. It really worries me, but i think if i were to sit down and talk with someone and find the emotion behind the rationalization, i could stop feeling guilty that i am so numb and begin feeling real emotions instead of wanting to SH.

hope this is helpful.

L