Dealing With Everything

[Toast960]

I've not posted on here in quite sometime. Basically I feel like my entire world is falling apart and I have no idea what to do. Over the past few days I've done slight things to myself and it's the first time I've ever done so. I just am tired of living. In the past two years I've had my mother pass away, been given responsibility of my teenage brother (our dad is an over the road trucker driver), gotten married to a British citizen and had to deal with trying to get her over here, got a job so out of the way (so I could support her) it takes me forever to get there and get back home, said wife 8 months after we got married says she wants a divorce and has become friends with people who I view to be social vampires. On top of that, I have friends flaking out on me every five seconds, so much so it makes me feel unwanted, unloved, and I'm supposed to be the rock within my family and my social circles. I'm trying to deal with things one day at a time but not a day has gone by since September (when my wife said she wanted a divorce) where I don't wish I didn't exist. That every relationship I have, both plutonic and romantic, are all mistakes. I'm becoming more self-destructive than ever and that's not me. I want to stop this before it's too late but it feels like I can't. Like I want to be destroyed because in some ways, I do. I don't know what the hell to do anymore. Hell, I don't even know if I should even be typing and posting this. I don't know anything anymore.

[volta]

i don't know what to say. but i'm reading, and i care. you can pm me if you need a listening ear.

-britt