Dealing with angry feelings. ( a guideline)

[angelic212]

****GUIDES IN DEALING WITH ANGRY FEELINGS****

Acknowledge that you are angry when you have angry feelings. You are entitled to get angry. Learn to speak up. Do not deny the fact that you are personally angry.''I'' statements----describe what you see that angers you.

Don't run away from angry feelings of others. They have a right to be angry too. Respect their anger and do not smile or laugh at them.

Getting anger with your husband or children is OK. Do not be ashamed of getting angry; it is a human emotion.

Listen and keep listening [ creative listening ].. Paraphrase what he/she says, make perception checks, so you understand what the person is saying and thinking.

Be sure you have a legitimate issue of position to fight for...Shift your aggression from personal attack to the issue. Attack the problem, not each other...

Avoid knocking your partner down [ putting the person down verbally ]..The other person only gets more defensive and harder to reach..

Learn to recognize when you are merely letting off steam. Recognize when your partner is letting off steam.

It is not meant for you..


Don't be an injury, injustice or grievance collector. Usually comes from feelings of being abused.


Don't hit below the belt, don't throw back information given in trust. Don't bring up past mistakes or skeletons..


Don't try to solve problems when tired, sleepy, or hungry.

Last, but probably most important, is to be mature enough to be able to admit that we are wrong when we see it, eventhough it is embarassing and painful..It is necessary for your own growth......

When your anger comes up quickly to a place of rage and your tendency has been to act with violence either verbally or physically, you may need to learn some new tools..

Visualize a giant red STOP sign . Use this STOP sign as a clue to change how you are thinking about the situation. Rage is an indication that you tend to think in ways that justify your anger thus creating more angry energy.. Change to positive thinking..Take a TIME-OUT as needed.



****RELEASING OLD ANGER AND RAGE****


Do something physical, walk, run,dance, move aerobically.

Draw a picture of your anger and rip it up.

Write an angry letter- don't mail just write it as angrily as you want and then rip it up or burn it.

If you have anger over past abuse, you might consider counselling.

Create rituals to reflect the release of anger; for example burn pictures of your abuser.

Go to the ocean.

Somewhere with some privacy.

Throw rocks into the water and verbally express your rage until you feel exhausted and released.

Used creative visualization.

Picture it running off you like muddy water into the great earth mother and being neutralized by the earth...