creating coping lists

[angelic212]

CREATE AND USE PERSONALIZED COPING LISTS

Survivors need a list of normal life activities and self care. During development, the numbing response to the abuse often meant that, though you were physically there, you missed out on the learning skills that other children were experiencing. In addition, neglect is often associated with environments where abuse occurs. A child who is neglected misses out on learning roles and modeling around normal activities.

In shutting down against the trauma and pain, the victim of abuse learns to ignore their body and other needs. It becomes easy to neglect self care, needs and wants. Lists can be quite valuable for reference, particularly when you are under stress or when you anticipate stressful circumstances arising. If you reach a point of crisis, they are a must.

The more difficult a time you are having, the harder it is to remember the things that help you to manage the stress. In effect, the greater your need is, the less you are able to provide for and look after yourself.

Turning to a list that you made when feeling good is a way of using your grounded mind to help you when you are having a difficult time.


Write Down Even the Obvious

Some things on your coping lists may seem obvious when all is going well, but the obvious is not always easily available when you are facing despair or flashbacks. The mind numbs and fogs out as a means of getting through overwhelming feelings.

When you are in a triggered state, it may not occur to you to go for a brisk walk or to ask yourself if you have eaten. If you turn to a list, something is likely to stand out and you can benefit from doing that activity.

Make your list over a period of time rather than all at once. Work on the list at different times of the day, when you are in different moods. Your perceptions, creativity and problem solving abilities change dramatically while feeling good, bad, angry, tired or empowered. The various insights from each of these moods have their own unique strengths.

As stated before, write down the obvious along with your other less obvious strategies for coping.


Vary Between the Novel and the Familiar

When using a stress reduction and coping technique, occasionally vary what you do. The technique you use every time to relax will eventually grow stale and may lose much of the original effect. Conversely, use some of your tried and true responses because as they become habitual, they click on easily due to familiarity.


Four activity lists that are helpful for survivors are:

1. Daily/weekly activities to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF and STAY HEALTHY.
2. What to do to CREATE BOUNDARIES.
3. What to do to RELIEVE STRESS.
4. What to do COPE WITH CRISIS.

taking care of yourself regurlarly

Referring to a "Daily/Weekly Activities to Take Care of Yourself & Stay Healthy List" is a good way to make sure that you are staying on top of things.

Looking at your regular activity list is also a means of having an emotional thermometer. Skipping activities such as eating regular meals, doing exercise or taking time for leisure can be a sign that you are being triggered or that some stressful issue is surfacing that you may be unaware of.

You may even start to notice associations between the types of activities you do not do and the kinds of issues that are coming up.

Through an early warning system, decisions can be made about going to therapy, getting extra therapy, and also doing what you need to relieve tension or work through adversity.

LIST #1 Make Yourself a List of "Daily/Weekly Activities to Take Care of Yourself"

Shower every day.
Take a long walk three times a week.
Listen to music to start your day.
Have some form of leisure every day.
Make time for therapy.
Do twenty minutes of journalling twice during the week and on each weekend day.
Eat regularly.
Get sufficient sleep and sleep in on Saturday.
Vacuum and straighten.
Etc. Make your own personalized list!!!


LIST #2 Make Yourself a List of "What to do to Create Boundaries"

Tighten my belly
Identify how I am feeling.
Say what I think, at least to myself.
Imagine a barrier around me.
Cross my arms.
Wear my shield pin.
Etc... Make your own personalized list!!

LIST #3 Managing Stress

Make Yourself a List of "What to do to Relieve Stress"

Brisk exercise
Take a walk
Shout into a pillow
Write a note and tear it up
Throw Mr. Gigglie against the door
Tear up paper
Pound clay
Paint or draw
Write angry letters
Tear up angry letters
Fold the laundry
Throw the socks at the wall
Listen to music
Chew gum
Talk to someone
Ride a bike
Enjoy nature
Throw rock in the water
Use your humour
Build something
Clean
Garden
Take a sauna, whirlpool or bath
Etc...
Make your own personalized list!

Managing A Crisis

What To Do In a Crisis is probably the most important list you can have. When you are feeling overwhelmed is the most difficult time to know what you should do to stabilize.

Managing a crisis is about lowering the degree of suffering you are in and reconnecting with some form of empowerment and hope. You do not have to continue to suffer.

The worst thing you faced was the original abuse and you made it through that. Now you can find a way to manage the memories and flashbacks that occur.

Using your personal ways of grounding and turing to other people art important at times of crisis. You do not have to be alone with your despair. You can call a friend, support group member or therapist.

If you cannot contact someone in your personal support system, call a crisis line, distress centre or help phone.

Have help and crisis line phone numbers on your crisis list.

One of the most important items on a crisis list is the directive to “GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THIS LIST.” This instruction is telling you there is hope and that you just need to review your crisis list another time to find something that will help you right now.

You manage a crisis by working towards grounding and getting back into the here and now. To ground and return to the present when you are upset you often requires doing something about overwhelming feelings from the past.

Feelings are managed by processing them and letting them go, by burning up enough stress associated with the feelings, by getting nurture and understanding that assists with healing and repatterning.or by finding some form of distraction.

These are each different responses and they are each good responses in their own time. Often a crisis is managed by employing a combination of coping and healing strategies.

LIST #4 Make Yourself a List of "What to do in a crisis"

Phone my therapist.
Phone a friend.
See my support person or sponsor.
Breathe deeply.
Count to 100.
Remind yourself of your location, the time, the date.
Put a clock or calendar near you to help with being oriented.
Look around the room.
Find a comfortable or safe location.
Go for a fast walk.
Punch a pillow.
Remind myself of my accomplishments.
Look a photo albums of good times.
Make a therapy appointment.
Take a day off.
Go to work.
Find comfort, healing or understanding on the Survivor Monument web site.
Read a self help book.
Read a good novel.
Read trash fiction.
Watch TV.
Rent a Movie.
Organize or clean the house.
Eat comfort food.
Exercise real hard.
Meditate.
Listen to Meditation Music
Do yoga.
Paint.
Sculpt.
Pound clay.
Bake.
Write in my journal.
Cry for awhile.
Swear or mumble giberish to let go
Call a crisis line.
Go back to the top of this list

this is all taken from this link: http://www.irvingstudios.com/child_abus ... _monument/

i hope that this helps you all ,