Coping advice needed

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:47 pm

So I have actually been SI free for a little while now, but not long. however, i still dont feel like i know how to cope properly. I still think about SI all the time. I really couldnt tell you how I coped, but I know that it wasnt easy, not that I am saying that I expect it to be. anyways, nothing like coloring, writing, music, etc really help me cope. it seems like i just cant come up with as powerful of a coping mechanism as SI, except maybe alcohol, drugs, etc. but that isnt healthy either. How can you turn little things into powerful coping mechanisms???

Neviah · Post by **Neviah** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:11 pm

These are the same things I'm asking.

Although I don't have any words I have read and i care and as soon as I can help then I will.

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:12 am

i appreciate it! right now i just feel like there is no other choice when i really need it.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:56 am

Music, colouring, all that stuff is more like... emergency coping mechanisms. Thing to do in the moment, when you need to distract yourself from hurting yourself.

Long-term, real coping mechanisms are self worth, esteem, feeling safe within yourself, knowing there are people who will never ever leave you, and and generally feeling well, and not depressed.

Those things take time, relationships have to be built, self worth is something you have to work on, it doesn't just happen, and it's not something you can decide to do one day like colouring, and not do the next day.

Well being has to be every day. You have to work at these things every day, and one day you'll realise that you no longer have the need for SI.

& these things are not hard to achieve, you may need medication, or professional help.

The thing about SI is.. when you're in that downward spiral.. you don't *want* to reach out, you don't want to believe in your self worth. Which is why it's a huge fucked up circle that never seems to end.

You speak of SI as a powerful coping mechanism. Allow me to disagree. It rescues you from reality for a little while, sure. But then what? 20 mins, an hour, a day later, you're faced with the same problems you had before, but they've gotten bigger because you put off dealing with them. Plus you have a whole new set of problem because you can't wear that short sleeved top you were wanting to, you're scared your partner will see your scars, or you wake up in blood, anaemic, or god forbid you've done damage to yourself you can't repair.

Start with your emergency colouring, music, drawing, etc. This will teach you that you *can* get through without SI. But most importantly, look at your life. Look at what you can change to make yourself feel better about yourself. Some affirmations "I can do this" "My life is beautiful" "There are things worth fighting for". & keep trying. Even when you don't feel like it.

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:14 pm

Wow! thanks for your reply Licentia Poetica. There was a lot of good information in there. I know that there is a lot of truth in there, but sometimes it is just hard to make your self belive those things. I will try and work on those long term ones. Thanks!

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:05 am

how are you defining "cope" & "helps me cope?"

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:08 am

those are good questions. and they have kind of stumped me. i guess the way i was look at SI is that it provides, although maybe only momentarily, a release from my emotions. i guess i want a better way to deal with that besides SI, but dont know how. i just havent been able to find anything that gives me the same escape as it. i know that probably didnt answer your questions though.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:19 am

sometimes it seems people are looking for something that instantly & completely takes away an emotion so much as si.
i think one thing to realize is that people si for a reason. there's no 'blow bubbles & all emotions will stop yet you'll not be hurting yourself' type way of coping.
a part of coping imo is learning to allow life to *hurt* & tolerate that w/o doing things to hurt yourself & make the situation worse. it sometimes really is "how can i get through *this* situation or *this* day' rather than 'what could i do habitually so that emotions stay on an evenkeel...' although i think there's something to be said for that as well.
even "normal" people read, do art, listen to music, etcetc. i think one downside about this board is we're so used to seeing such things as 'coping' or 'ways of getting through crises' or 'distractions' is that we can tend to foget that they're "normal" things too.

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:29 am

i think that you make some great points. i guess i know that there isnt a blow bubbles cure. i agree that coping is learning how to allow life to hurt and tolerate it and how to make situations better. i guess that is where i am stuck. i guess i have just used SI for so long as the way to make things even, that i dont know how to just get through the day or whatever without it. that is where i need to work.

dont know if this made any sense, cause it even confused me.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 3:55 pm

what are you looking for in terms of stopping si?
what were your reasons for si?
maybe you could match up ways of coping with those?

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:11 pm

i 'want' to stop because i am tired of it controlling my life. i want to find a healthier way of dealing with my issues and not let it consume my life and my emotions anymore.

i guess it is kind of ironic. i like si because it makes me feel like i have control over the situation at hand and a better way to 'put the ball in my court'. but the thing that i hate about it now is its contorl over me.

these are very good points! thanks plantt!

bus

Coping advice needed

Coping advice needed

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