nice to find this thread...ive been looking for something like it. to share our stories and our victories? something like that?
ive been drinking and using since i was 9. my silly daddy used to give me hydros when i would tell him i had a headache. i started realizing that they not only got rid of my headache but that they made me feel good. i figured if one made me feel good.....so i started hording them. and taking three or four at a time. when dad started catching on i stole them...lol. at 9 <shrug>
i found my doc at 14 (meth) i did everything else but always came back to meth. started shooting at 17, riding around with meth labs in my trunk and fucking for my next high.

i say it flippantly but my shame knows no bounds. i should have known then that i had a problem but i did not. tried a geographical at 18 (moved from arkansas to colorado) but ya know... wherever you go...there you are:) went to my first na meeting at 19 and found out that there was a name for someone like me... an addict.
i really enjoyed na but never got as much out of it as some ppl do. cuz i cant freakin talk. cant "share" i had to pop a benzo to ward off a panic attack before i went in (to the meeting) and during the meeting when i would try to share or even think about sharing my personal feelings with a room ful of ppl my heart would beat so fast and i would get so scared i thought i would faint!
drug use continued.... met my hubby at 20. used together for a year before he gave me the ultimatum... i went to rehab and got clean for a month or so...
drug use continues... got married. finished community college. drug use continues. frequency and intensity fluctuating but never ever stopping.
got preggers with my wonderful son, peyton, my angel:) not a drop of meth the whole 9 mnts preggers. wanted to breastfeed. not a drop of meth the whole 8mnts i breastfeed. why oh why did i start back?
drug use has gotten more and more frequent. amounts larger and larger. time spent on the endeavor longer and longer. begin to do things i swore i would never do. sell. use in front of son:( i always thought that if i hadnt been so young....if only i had known... i wouldve never started doing dope (meth) but now that dont fly. i do know... and i still do it. and it pisses me off to no end. grrrrr
my mom requested heart to heart she cried.... hubby threatens to leave and take kid i cried... went 4 days w/out it. used yesterday:(
my victory? i havent used today
luv
erika