Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:48 pm

my self hate means that it scares me how close he's getting to me emotionally right now, so i'm doing all that i can to push him away and make him hate me. And I don't want to stop because I don't know how to handle letting him in and because I hate myself so much right now that I can't bear to let anyone see it.

shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 11:53 pm

I'm scared that if I tell my friends I'm considering converting to Judaism, they won't like me anymore.

There is one place and one person I feel truly safe with, and I want to be there every second of every day. I love her, but not in a sexual way. I'm scared if someone found out I wouldn't be allowed to see her.

When I hug my friends and they go stiff I want to cry, because all I want is to be hugged.

I want to wear short sleeves. I want to have people see my scars, I don't like hiding.

Every time someone calls me Sarah, I flinch inside.

I'm scared of using public toilets - I'm terrified I won't pass and that there will be a scene or that I will be attacked.

My heart beats faster every time I make a phonecall. It terrifies me.

I get so nervous speaking to people. I pretend I've forgotten but really I can't find the courage to speak to someone. I feel I'm not worthy of their time or that I am being judged on any number of imperceptible faults.

I want to get ill enough that I am hospitalised - maybe then people will understand what I'm going through.

*ED*
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I criticise myself for not being able to purge properly.

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Mon Mar 06, 2006 6:41 am

We're getting married in three weeks

None of our family knows,

None of them are invited.

We're letting them plan our "real" wedding for next summer, we'll let them believe it's the first one.

But if they ever hold against us that our baby was born out of wedlock, we can throw it back into their face.

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Mon Mar 06, 2006 11:27 am

he saw. I think I've buggered it all up.

amyfairy · Post by **amyfairy** » Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:24 pm

i am a stronger person that people realise. i am capable and i am strong.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:31 pm

pm's ok

im secretly kinda glad that the counselling place was on strike because im terrified of going there and talking to them, before i always had the excuse that mum was there so i couldn't be honest, but now i don't have that and im terrified of what they'll think of me if i am honest

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Mon Mar 06, 2006 8:39 pm

ed (maybe) (pms are welcome)
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my mum said the other week that if i put anymore weight on, i won't fit in my prom dress. she said i need to eat healthily, and she went out and bought loadsa fruit and veg. for the first few days, i was so so paranoid about what i ate, and hardly ate at all, and if i did, i panicked and went out running, or spent hours on my dance mat. but now, now i can't stop binging.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:19 pm

i don't really want to go home anymore.

it doesn't feel like its meant to. it doesn't feel like going home. it feels like crawling back to her. letting her win.

shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:10 pm

I want to quit therapy, it just makes me feel worse. It's not my therapist, it's just therapy in general. I hate it.

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I have laxatives. I take them when I eat during the day. It makes me feel good.

ballet_dancer7 · Post by **ballet_dancer7** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:25 pm

pm's ok

I lied to you last night.. told you i was just tired, but that i'm fine. i then proceeded to have the creepiest most messed up dream. i promised you i'd call you if i woke up at night.. i didn't, i dont want you to have to deal with me and my issues. it's not your job. i should be able to handle it all. but i just can't. and for that i'm sorry.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:25 pm

i'm scared she's trying to take him away from me. and i'm terrified that when i go home, she might win.
and i love him and i never want to lose him

i don't want to go back to australia. i miss my family, but i never want to leave here.
and i don't want to go to uni at home. i'm scared of losing myself again.

i watched tv today and there was a girl who was X stone and bulimic. And i wanted to look like her cos she was gorgeous, but i don't have the self control.

leeleelynn · Post by **leeleelynn** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:49 pm

I don't like having sex with my husband.
I like hard sex
I would love to tell a lot of people to F##k off, but I keep it to myself.
I would love to actually beat some people up.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:48 pm

i'm insecure. i want my boyfriend to propose just so that i feel like he won't leave me. and that he'll stick round when i go home. and that's the only thing that would convince me.
only we've only been together 6 months. i'm crazy and foolish

pm's are ok.

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:40 pm

Ive never told anyone about your encounters with the police much, and those i did tell, ive never told them about the first time you got in trouble with them. Id forgotten about it all until something written on BUS reminded me of everything that happened those years ago with you.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:42 am

*pm's ok*

I want Darren to propose to me on the day I graduate.

I'm really scared about meeting his family when I go back home, because that makes this all so real and means that he really won't leave me. But I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that possibility.

I'm mad at myself today for eating normally

~BrokenGlass~ · Post by **~BrokenGlass~** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 3:54 am

I'm terrified that i'll end up alone. If i can't trust or love myself, how will i ever trust or love anyone else?

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:57 pm

i'm incedibly scared that you don't love me as much as i love you. and i'm sorry if sometimes that makes me clingy. but do you really love me?

sometimes i think maybe i should dump you, because you could do so uch better than a girl who is ill all the time, who is sad and insecure and not good enough.
but i don't want to lose you....you give my life meaning.
i judge you too harshly because i'm so scared.

you know, i don't know what to do. do i love you enough to let you go and let you do better, do i love you enough to be unselfish and stop tying you down. shouldn't i just give you the chance to leave?

i'm so afraid and confused.

PMs very very welcome and would actually be appreciated

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:03 pm

I know everyone keeps saying it's cowardly to kill yourself.

But I still think he was braver than me in the end. When you get right down to it.

(*Haven*) · Post by **(*Haven*)** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 12:44 am

*PMs Accepted*

I'd do anything to tell you I that I'm in love with you and have it not screw up things. It will though, if you find out now. I'll tell you somehow, some day. But you won't hear if from my mouth. I'll find a way to let you know.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:33 am

i hate myself but i love Darren more than anything.

i'm starting to cling to him more and more when things are bad.

i know that should be a good thing but it isnt, it makes me feel pathetic and cheap and useless and like i'm just using him to keep myself here.

that isn't fair on him.

bus

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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