if you have OD'd i need to talk to you *su*

alegria · Post by **alegria** » Sat May 29, 2004 8:45 pm

Hey, i wanted to say thank you for this thread. It was sort of just what i needed. For the last little while i have not been able to get the thought of od-ing out of my head. I feel really stupid cuz i dont' want to die i just want to mess myself up but now i realize that after reading this i would be even more stupid to have read everyone's stories and still go ahead and do it. Still can't stop thinking about it but i'll try to come back and read this when the urge gets too bad.
~alegria

JadedMortality · Post by **JadedMortality** » Sun May 30, 2004 8:41 am

I am so glad to find this place, I really really am.
I'm in a bad place right now, have been for a while and tonight...after having a really close friend leave, I am feeling really alone and the thought of SU has been pounding around in my mind all afternoon. To the point where I have the stuff in front of me to do it...I'm so glad to read this...It's honestly supressed some of the urges for a while and made me question my decision.
Thankyou

forgottenJADED · Post by **forgottenJADED** » Sun May 30, 2004 11:00 am

I've just realised how much Mummy went though. She OD'd when I was 18 months old. My next door neighbor walked in to find her dead on the loungeroom floor. I'm suddenly glad that I was either asleep, or too young to remember it.

weezel · Post by **weezel** » Mon May 31, 2004 12:47 pm

Im late on this.. but wanted to add my contribution.

I've been feeling SU for the last 3 days.. Went out and bought the pills. not as much as the first time round. but enough to make me ill as fuck.

The experience isnt nice. I ODed on aspirin, and the next day felt like absolute shit. went to work, and promptly threw up, so went home. Slept for like a day, and decided i had to tell someone. so i went to the psych unit and told them, where they sent me off to the hospital, where i was treated with an evil look from the doctor, and worrying glances from the staff. they put needles in evry part of you. they had me on some saline solution cauise i refiused to drink water. i wasnt all there, i was arguing with the staff, and felt high when i was talking o the crisis team.

I dont wish this on anyone, and its not a pleasant experience.

Im keeping a bookmark of this thread too, it takes alot to tell the experiences you've had, especially those who have lost friends/family, like some who have posted here.

"she wont ever know the pain, and sufferuing, of those of us left behind"

Quoted from a film, but true.

Take care of yourself, Elf. there's everyone on this board offering support, and someone to talk to.

Luftballoons · Post by **Luftballoons** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 1:21 pm

The look on my mom's face when she rushed into the ER and saw me throwing up black charcoal was horrible. Just typing that made me want to cry. She was trying to not throw up, crying, couldn't believe that I would have done something like that.

I had an allergic reaction to the tylenol "antedote" given to me. It was hard to breathe and my face swelled up so badly my eyes were pinched almost shut. I had to spend the night in Intensive Care, all alone.

The next day my mother, grandmother, and aunt all came to see me. My uncle (their son and brother) had died the previous month, and they couldn't comprehend why I would want to take my own life (it wasn't really an SU attempt, I just wanted to forget about things and go away....but since I could have seriously damaged myself or died I consider it to be more than SI).

My ex-boyfriend, coming in the next morning, seeing my still-puffy face and seeing me try not to cry as they pull out my IVs and get blood on my blanket. All he could do was hug me. I won't forget that, either.

The black charcoal coming out my nose when I blow it, my mouth when I spit. Caked on, and I can't get it off.

Trying to sleep with IVs in both hands so I can't move off of my back. The IVs hurt; I can feel it in the vein of my left hand.

Having to go to the washroom and having to struggle out of bed, and use this little tiny "toilet" that comes out of a cupboard beside my bed. In the dark. Nothing to do but think.

Don't.

sam_girl · Post by **sam_girl** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:58 pm

as always, the stories on here r so very moving. i still struggle with SU thoughts everyday and its esp harder when im like this (im home alone 2nite). luftballoons~ i admire ur attempt 2 trully say everything, all the gory details, cos ppl need 2 understand the consequences of their actions. u r very brave.

i wish every1 here luck and love. please remember that u r NEVER EVER alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

angelgirl · Post by **angelgirl** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 3:01 pm

SU TRIG
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I've never been hospitalised for OD but with previous OD's I've:
-blacked out
-thrown up
-had v. bad headaches
-spaced out for days
-had stomach ache from hell times a million and that dosn't even begin to do it justice!

SU TRIG- graphic
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Not fun! You might also want to consider what different meds do to your body like I've heard that some dissolve your stomach and other disgusting stuff like that

Take care

RickTheTwinkie · Post by **RickTheTwinkie** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 11:34 pm

*SU Trigger added*
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Prolly too late to add my story here, too. But basically, my family can be pretty dysfunctional at times. And my dad acted like an butthead and things snowballed. I took all my anti-depressants and the zyprexa I was (probably wrongly) prescribed.

I remember getting up and wobbling to the fridge. My dad asked me what I was doing and I was slurring like some drunk guy. My dad ended up making me sit on the couch. I wasn't allowed to fall asleep or anything. The paramedic wouldn't let me sleep either.

The most horrible part (excluding parents) was the charcoal, which was syrupy and sickly sweet. I had to drink two cups of that crap. After about 2 days I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. My dad's still pissed about it. And my mom's just now getting over it.

And frankly, I don't even know if I was attempting suicide or just "getting back" at my dad. It scares me either way.

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Thu Jun 03, 2004 7:20 am

Thank you everyone for your stories. I have od'd a bunch of times. Sleeping pills are what I have od'd on the most because I have insomnia. So when I od'd on ambian I didn't realize what was happening. I feel asleep is all I remember then waking up 2 days later only to od on sleep pills again..and black out for another 2 days. I have never told anyone so that I had to go to the hospital but after a week of feeling really guilty because my husband thought I hd the flu I told him. He made me call a T. that was almost a year ago in August. After I woke up from blacking out he told me that I peed in my pants and threw up all over the place and only wanted to sleep. I also slured my speach. Sometimes I wish that I had od'd all the way..I wanted to sleep forever. After reading these stories though I will think twice next time. Thank you.
-Badgirl22

shrinking violet · Post by **shrinking violet** » Thu Jun 03, 2004 7:35 pm

ODing really isnt pretty, i was at skool wen i od n then got driven home by a teacher n then taken straight to hospital. to be honest i cant remember much more than that i kept on blackin out n i lost the feeling in my legs n couldnt walk, i was pukin up so much even wiv water, the feelin of still pukin hours after there is nothing left to puke up my throat and tummy hurt n ached for so many days after.
i guess thats wot asprin n paracetamol do to you.
i spent ages panicking that id go yellow if i didnt die, n another horrible thing was i had my father at the end of my bed not saying a word, his expression sed it all,
i still invision it all wen i take pills it ent pretty
take care everone

Post by **sine nomine** » Sun Jun 06, 2004 1:07 am

i'm not going to go into details of my experiences except to echo what's been said: it's unpleasant, painful, humiliating, undignified, and it hurts the people you love. you lose control over yourself until the people in the hospital decide you can be trusted again -- that's usually within a few days. it can take years for the people you love to trust you again, and it hurts knowing you hurt them and knowing their distrust is justified.

oh, and i wanted to agree about the pooing charcoal thing. and if they're monitoring your fluid input/outgo, you have to pee in a little thing that fits under the seat and the liquid black poo gets in and it's really disgusting and embarrassing.

what i really wanted to say, though, is that all of that was nearly ten years ago for me, and i am so incredibly glad that i didn't die. i lived through the bad times and it was hard and i wanted to die a lot and i had things that hurt so much to think about that i thought i should die in order to turn off my brain. but with medication and therapy and the love of my friends and a lot of work, i got through it and now i am so happy to be alive. i wouldn't have missed the last ten years (well most of it) for anything.

deb

Lady Oracle · Post by **Lady Oracle** » Sun Jun 06, 2004 1:39 pm

i oded a few times but no one found me. i had to fix it myself. its no fun at all. you feel horrid for days. it hurts, especially when no one has a clue and ppl just think you have the flu or something. reaching out like this means you dont want to go throught this. so please dont.

trills · Post by **trills** » Sun Jun 06, 2004 7:36 pm

Glad the above have helped you out, it's sad that so many of here share similar experiences, but if we can help one another that's a silver lining at least.

My own experiences are similarily painful and certainly undesirable. In my case the hospital decided not to bother to pump my stomach and I was left to vomit for 6 hours. Vomiting 40+ times is certainly not what I call escaping from the pain that prompted my overdose.

Watching my parents cry, worrying my friends, the teachers at college... that was horrid. Talking to the psychiatrist and psychologist afterwards was humiliating, being treat like a moron... which perhaps I was to do such a thing, but at the time.... I just wish some one could have got through to me. The nurses showed such disdain for my taking up a bed and the injections they gave me were painful and without warning.

I came away without serious organ damage, but my stomach to this day has never been the same. I can't take pills without vomiting, I can't even swallow them, I can't step into A&E and not panic rediculously, I can't buy whole packets of painkillers without having to deal with the pain in my mother's eyes....

Just... just not good.

Take care,

Lisa Marie

BrieVH · Post by **BrieVH** » Wed Jun 09, 2004 4:08 pm

I'm a bit late, I guess, but I just had to add my voice to the chorus.

ODing is NOT FUN. I've done it three times. This was a dumb idea. My gag reflex is so strong that I COULDN'T drink the charcoal, couldn't even get it in my mouth, without throwing up. Apparently, throwing up is not what they want you to do, so I got restrained and had a huge plastic tube rammed down my nose. Every time. I never had a bloody nose before the NG tube, and now I get them ALL the TIME...even when I blow my nose a little too hard.

Not to mention the way people treat you if you're lucky enough to live.

Don't do it, please please please. It's not worth it. There are so many better things in life than trying to end it, ESPECIALLY by overdose.

Love, Brie

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Wed Jun 09, 2004 5:42 pm

i've already replied by pm, but i jsut wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. it really helped me.

Elf, i really hope you're feeling better. i'm sorry things are hard right now, hon, but please please please hang in there. you can get through this and things will get better.

can you call anyone IRL or go somewhere safe? i'm here if you want to pm me.

take care and try to stay safe.

hugs, if ok,
magebaby

The_Green_One · Post by **The_Green_One** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 12:31 am

I OD'd a few two many times. It all ended up a mixture of pain self loathing. Embaressment (being admitted to a hospital at which you work)

And Parvalax for 48 hours, which just makes you vomit for hours on end. And then theres the feeling of when you leave the . What happens next questions

All i can say is it didnt help and put me through more pain.

Today i still amaze that my liver is in one piece but still cringe when i have to take pills.

Even the thought of it now makes my stomach reach.

sam_girl · Post by **sam_girl** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 9:25 pm

trills wrote:Talking to the psychiatrist and psychologist afterwards was humiliating, being treat like a moron...

tell me about it. i know its not nearly that same but that happened 2 me after i went 2 hospital 4 SI-ing 2 badly (also a humilating, guilt-inducing and traumatic experience people- dont try that either)

Harumi · Post by **Harumi** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 1:44 am

I've OD'd three times on dimetapp. Not enough to kill me, get my stomach pumped, or even drink charcoal, but it was bad enough. My head was dizzy, and I couldn't see straight.

The second time was by far the worst, because I woke up thinking to go to the bathroom, but ended up the in the opposite direction. I blacked out, was crawling to the hallway where I had someone hit the wall and banged up my shoulder and head pretty bad. I passed out in the hallway, and skinned the top of my nose. That's where my mom found me, thought I was faking it, and sent me on to school anyways.

I told the teacher at school where I was rushed to the hospital. My dad came, and you know what? I'm jealous of everyone here who had parents with tears on their faces and trying not to weep. At least they cared.

My dad took one look at me and said, "You can commit suicide if you want. I don't care if you died."

If anything it made me wish I could succeed.

It's not fun, and people treat you like you're some sort of idiot. I was locked up with a bunch of idiots for three days before they realized I was actually a decent human being and let me out three days later.

Don't do it.

Boris · Post by **Boris** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 2:19 am

wow...harumi i'm sorry that happened...

i've been reading other people's stories for the past few weeks, finially now i'm sharing my own *here goes...*

i took a painkiller that was meant for menstrual cramps...i did it at school and that was all i had with me. i took a thing of that and a thing of tylenol...quite a bit actually so it's surprising that my body dealt with it on its own.

first hting that happened was i passed out in front of my classroom...a guy from the co-op class across the hall luckily came early...i *think* he might've had an inkling what was wrong. he sat with me for a while...i was still pretty much concious.

i actually got through the whole day...puked up my socks mind you...and i wasn't with it at all...but i never ended up in the hospital. i even went to choir after school. from there, they sent me straight home.

i stayed home for a few days...still nobody knows what happened.

it was a miserable experience...one i'm sure as hell not planning on repeating! as a result of being so sick even a few days afterward i wasn't quite with it when i wrote a math contest...every other year, i've won it. this year, i didn't even get a certificate of distinction.

the stomach cramps and pains hurt so much...and it's not the kind of hurt that you get a release from...not at all. and it sure isn't fun to puke for the next while.

i still don't know how my liver felt about all this...i sure hope it's doing ok! *pats liver encouragingly* *can't find her liver...where is my liver, anyways? what's a liver?* (i'm serious...i don't actulaly know what a liver is, except that i had jaundice when i was little because it wasn't working)

so now i'm stuck worrying if i've screwed things up majorly...and it sure as hell didn't get me anywhere at all!

Sidian · Post by **Sidian** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 11:43 pm

PM me.

bus

if you have OD'd i need to talk to you su

#

my story

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