This year has been hell for me. I know it could be a lot worse and that others do have it worse, but that's irrelevant for me now.
I lost both of my maternal grandparents within three months. And I love(d) them so much.
I went to college in a foreign country, leaving all of my old friends behind. Now it feels like I don't know any of them anymore.
I didn't make any new friends to compensate. I've proven to myself that my personal bubble is made of solid marble and that I can't let anyone through. I've tried. As a result, I have NO friends. Not exaggerating- I spend meals alone, I spend my nights in my single dorm room alone, I walk to classes and sit through them alone. Alone. Alone.
I've squandered the opportunities to see more of the country and of Europe while I'm so close by shackling myself to a program that I've come to despise. People that I don't like. Ruining my favorite past-time for me.
So, I think about Grandmommy and Granddad. I hope they would be proud of me. And I cry.
I think about the fact that all of my old friends are making new ones and are so happy while I have no friends whatsoever. And I cry.
And I think about the fact that I have to wake up earlyearly tomorrow to spend 3 hours with people I hate doing something that makes me miserable. And I cry.
