Post
by sweetelisum » Sat Sep 15, 2007 1:33 am
I tried. I'm fucking putting everything on the line here. My freedom, my life, my sanity. And an hour passes. no response. I am terrified and angry. Do i pursue this further or drop it? Do I give it more time, or will i be more drunk then and lack reasoning? *sigh*I've wanted you so bad its nearly destroyed me.And I fear that when I find out, if you ever do respond, I will be utterly devistated. Not as devistated as going to jail or something, but still, its going to wreck that insignifigant chance of hope i did have. Sometimes in the back of my mind, but always in it, :at least he's there out there somewhere, and still cares: but after tonight, i will know all to well whether it is one way or the other, or whether you are so different or angry now, and want to see me in a padded room somewhere.Do you know how hard I fought for you? To protect you? Telling them it was all me, telling them that i set you up, i lied, i coerced... but to no avail. What was that you had said? this scarey thing we have... that you wanted us to be together in the end? Was it all just a game? Have I no admirable qualities that makes it not true now moreso than then? But i guess in bob dylan's terms... its all over now, baby blue~
"Hinged to forgetfulness
like a door,
she slowly closed out of
sight,
and she was the woman I loved,
but too many times she slept like
a mechanical deer in my caresses,
and I ached in the metal silence
of her dreams."
-Richard Brautigan