Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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Stawberry_Lollipops
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Stawberry_Lollipops » Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:53 am

Why did I not do the job properly? Why couldn't it just of worked? Why am I so obsessed with doing this?
I know the way I'm thinking is bad and I need help, I recognise that but apart of me so desperately wants to avoid help.
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"Rejoice in our suffering, suffering produces perserverance, perserverance - character and character hope"

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“There is no use trying,” said Alice; “One can’t believe impossible things!”
“I dare say you haven’t had much practise,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day
Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” - Lewis Carroll


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to the difference.

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Birdie » Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:40 am

You make it awful hard NOT to love you.

Stop it. :shakehead:
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Butterfly. » Sat Apr 05, 2014 2:58 pm

Just... You have no idea do you? I know you care and all, but I don't think its even crossed your mind about how it is making me feel, and think. And you just keep on mentioning it. Just, fuck you.

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Spidey » Sat Apr 12, 2014 5:52 am

Dear Parent in the Parking Lot:

You're right. I'm not a parent. I don't know what it's like to have children of my own, especially several of them. But when I notice one of them run off into the middle of a very busy parking lot, I'm going to call your attention to it. Not because I'm a dick, but because I don't want to see said kid get run over. So berating me and saying "I don't need some dumb boy to tell me to watch my kids" is a bit mind-bending, first because I'm not a boy, (if you would have looked up you would have realised appropriate gender), and second I'm not going to tell you to watch your kids - I'm just telling you that one of yours just ran out into the middle of the parking lot at a place where people are NOTORIOUS for not watching when they drive out or back up.

And whoa the hostility. He was out there for a couple of minutes before I finally spoke up and only said "Ma'am, your son's run off into the parking lot." Well fuck me for being nice. And fuck you too.
there is, in the end, the letting go.
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by awkward-shark » Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:33 am

You may not realice this, and you think you do what you do for our own good, but you've already damaged my self-steem and you're damaging hers too. Just please listen to yourself and stop.
:grnstar: :lgrnstar: Call me Sharky :lgrnstar: :grnstar:

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"I didn't want to take the chance that I'd grow up to be a war.
I wanna be a belly dance, or an acordion, or a pogo stick..."

Andrea Gibson, Letter to the playground bully

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Birdie » Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:38 am

You don't really see me, do you?
My place:
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=143006

Jem is my wombat!

Annybelly is my jellybean!

I am 5th Section's pet Birdie!

xPeggiePatchx, DuchessN, xXelmoscaresmeXx, and Stripysocks4christ are my sisters!

Daisy_chain is my cousin!


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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by [iamacliche] » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:35 pm

i don't know what to do about us anymore. i hate being made to feel bad because you think i don't want you anymore. you make it all about you. it's not my fault i'm not the person i was when we met. we've been together a long time. my job makes it hard for me to want anything intimate when i'm so tired. but you just see it as me not finding you attractive anymore.

i'm so confused.
You have to become what you fancy. Paperback head, you get carried away. Stitch up your spine to keep the suitors away. Must draw your own aid. Must sift your affairs. Must frame up a material girl. ♥


If you carry on. You won't win that fight. If you take me on. You'll find my breaking point.


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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Birdie » Wed Apr 23, 2014 5:45 am

I miss you. Dearly. Every hour of every day. But I don't want you to know that. I don't want you to have any leverage. Because I know I'd just fall right back in and you would too. I'm having to be stronger now than I've had to be in quite some time. It's exhausting and painfully raw. I know this is what's best, I just wish it hadn't come to this. God this hurts and I'm tired and just.....fuck.
My place:
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=143006

Jem is my wombat!

Annybelly is my jellybean!

I am 5th Section's pet Birdie!

xPeggiePatchx, DuchessN, xXelmoscaresmeXx, and Stripysocks4christ are my sisters!

Daisy_chain is my cousin!


Tweet Tweet

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by desperateforgrace » Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:30 am

You are the guy in my head described in the song "Everything You Want". Her too, except substitute "he" for "she".
By day I wear a mask of happiness and openness
By night, I cry a flood of tears
Wanting so much to show my real face
And be enshrouded in grace

"You are not told to build a skyscraper. You are told to be faithful with your brick."-FT
"You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held /Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place."-Casting Crowns' "Just Be Held"

Rose and Paws are my sisters :)
My new place
My OLD place
my PBH
My poetry

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Butterfly. » Sun Apr 27, 2014 5:51 am

All you seem to care about it whether I am going to this thing today or not. You don't seem care that I haven't left my room, or gotten out of bed today, except briefly. You don't seem to consider what that means about my current headspace, or even question why. You haven't even said "are you okay?". And when I do say something about feeling like you only care whether I go today, is "you locked yourself away". Considering I make an effort to at least move to the lounge room even when I feel crappy, doesn't it tell you something when I don't?
I don't get you. And I feel like you don't care about me.
We're all stories in the end.

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by awkward-shark » Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:44 am

Everything you say, everytime you speak, I can only hear "you're not good enough, I don't love you, be more like this and less than you".
Everytime you speak I say "how stupid to think you'd actually care if I died".
:grnstar: :lgrnstar: Call me Sharky :lgrnstar: :grnstar:

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"I didn't want to take the chance that I'd grow up to be a war.
I wanna be a belly dance, or an acordion, or a pogo stick..."

Andrea Gibson, Letter to the playground bully

Gender is the poetry each of us makes out of the language we are taught
Leslie Feinberg

ImagePlace: we must grow up, not perfect but upImage

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Spidey » Mon May 05, 2014 5:13 am

i want my boy back.
there is, in the end, the letting go.
-marya hornbacher

spidey immer voran
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by disastercake » Thu May 22, 2014 2:51 am

I wish I could ask you for a hug, just one hug to feel that connection to people again. People besides T, because I used to have friends who hugged and now I'm just lonely. :1hug:
:bfly: -Al :bfly:

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you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards,
for there you have been,
and there you long to return..."
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Jamas » Fri May 23, 2014 2:41 am

No, actually, I don't care what you have to say either. You make nice eye candy, and you're.convenient, but that's it.

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by Just Pomegranates » Mon May 26, 2014 12:33 pm

I can't believe what a horrible little bitch my youngest sister has turned into. Pretty much every time she talks to me these days it's like my mother's words are coming out.

It's disgusting and really sad as well that she can't see what a copy of a nasty person she's become. :-? (grrr)
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by desperateforgrace » Sun Jun 01, 2014 12:36 am

No, I can't ask work to change my schedule just to suit you. Work is strict about decreasing availability. And frak you for saying I don't care about you. It's not that I don't care. It's just that I don't want to lose my only steady job since forever and want to be full time for once. Frak you for saying you do all this shit for me and then want to take it all away! Frak. you.
By day I wear a mask of happiness and openness
By night, I cry a flood of tears
Wanting so much to show my real face
And be enshrouded in grace

"You are not told to build a skyscraper. You are told to be faithful with your brick."-FT
"You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held /Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place."-Casting Crowns' "Just Be Held"

Rose and Paws are my sisters :)
My new place
My OLD place
my PBH
My poetry

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by treasure » Sun Jun 01, 2014 1:29 pm

J - can i please come to your place tomorrow? i don't feel all that safe on my own right now. i don't want you to worry - to me si urges are a blip that happen often. i wish i could talk to you about how i really feel without feeling like i'm going to set off the "si bomb" and have you scared for me, thinking i'm going to be out of control and needing medical attention for cuts. i won't.

S - what the fuck? i need stability, you think that would be something everyone would like, so why did you go and pull the rug from under me?! me working less hours seemed like it would be useful to my boss as well as useful to me, and then you let her push me out. i didn't want my work to end so suddenly, and i was feeling like i didn't want it to end at all - a small ongoing income, a current job making a good impression on my resume, a longer position adding a sense of stability both to my resume and to my life. i don't know if you and my boss agreed on this decision but it still feels like you did something wrong, you should've told me as soon as it happened, or discussed it with me in person, with or without my boss there.

G - i hope you respond to my email asap. i'm probably going to send another one this weekend if i can't get my emotions under control. it sounded like you knew very well that it wasn't fair to tell me on a friday night not to go to work on monday but that you didn't have a choice. please ask me a lot of questions in my appt on wed, and *please* pay attention, if i si and/or keep feeling crazy over the next few days i might have a lot of trouble expressing that. i will do the stuff i usually do - not making eye contact, making my own black humour or self-deprecating jokes, not knowing where to start a conversation. i'm hurting and i'm scared and if you can't pick up on it, i'll be alone for another 2 weeks, or at least mostly alone.
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by TheRockingHorse » Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:07 pm

Considering the circumstances, considering my deteriorating emotional state, I did the best that I could to tell you to leave me alone. You changed the state of the safe space I thought that I had and then you refused to get out of it despite all of my signals that that was exactly what you should do. You ruined it, and all I want to do is scream and throw things, because I just lost the one place where I could feel things, have thoughts, and be heard without any judgement and have someone actually listen. To have someone to actually trust. You hurt me so so badly. And I don't know what to do. I feel so lost again. I don't understand why you didn't leave me alone. Why didn't you just leave me alone...
I said to the sun, tell me about the Big Bang
The sun said, 'It hurts to become.'

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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by treasure » Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:57 am

you brought up self-harm today, g, why? the whole appt (the whole day) i've been thinking about it but i just talked like it wasn't an issue. i wish you had asked a follow-up question, or told me that you picked up on the urges in other things i said. i am really struggling with urges still, i don't think i can cope on my own. if i si, i don't know if i can tell you for a while, i don't want you to think the appt was a trigger (it wasn't) or that you could've helped (even if that is what i currently feel).
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Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

Post by disastercake » Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:11 am

You won't die alone. You'll always have me because I love you almost as much as I love T, and if he goes before you I hope you'll still be my good friend.
:bfly: -Al :bfly:

"...And once you have tasted flight,
you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards,
for there you have been,
and there you long to return..."
- Leonardo da Vinci

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