Things Left Unsaid *LA*

lost down here · Post by **lost down here** » Mon May 31, 2004 11:23 pm

youre supposed to be here for me, youre supposed to care about me, youre supposed to support me, youre supposed to be happy for me, youre supposed to be interested in my life, youre supposed to listen to me, youre supposed to be generous, youre supposed to pay attention to me, youre supposed to carry out something if i ask you as a tiny favor to do that for me (for fucks sake its the only fucking thing ive asked you to do in 6 months with my situation, is it that fucking hard to do?!?!), youre supposed to be my best friend, youre supposed to love me...and now im not so sure you do anymore, or if you ever did

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 2:10 am

you are a slut.
a fucking slut.
believe them when they say it, because they're right.
and you're stupid.
you do this to yourself.
FUCKER.

you let him see. you fucking whore. what the hell were you thinking?? he saw the fucking cuts; he knows. and you didn't cover it up, bitch. why not? why didn't you say it was something else? and lie?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:52 pm

NO, I'm too hot and bothered and tired and I don't want to get soaked. NO.

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Tue Jun 01, 2004 8:30 pm

What part of desperate and suicidal don't you understand? not everything is about you and sometimes there are more important things than sleeping if you wanted to help you'd try

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 10:32 am

Bitch, I hate you, you trigger me, you'll never even know what a sick cow you are

~Claire~ · Post by **~Claire~** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 5:03 pm

W~ I think Im falling in love with you. I wish I hadn't kissed you that day cos I don't think anything's ever going to happen between us now. Do you like me, or were you just using me to kiss, I don't know. I thought you liked me. I don't know anymore though.

J~ Let it be how it used to be. please? I don't think it ever will be now, I miss you so much, what did I do? You never contact me anymore. I love you this world over. You've hurt me so much though. Im going to loose you even more within this next month. You know I will. I thought you saw me differently to the rest of this world but maybe you didnt. Maybe to you, as I am to nearly everybody else who knows me, Im just a silly little girl who you never wanted in your life. Was all that stuff you said to me about always being there for me not true? I would have trusted you with my life, I still would. But I used to think you would trust me with yours. When I fell before, you caught me. Im falling now but I can't see you, I can't see you anywhere around and Im scared. I need my big sister.

J~ I love you babe. So much. You are my lifeline. Im sorry for everything. Stuff that's happened before. You're the one who's stuck by me through everything. You're the one who's always there. Love you so much. I could never re-pay you everything you've given me, I owe you my life over.

Claire xx

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Wed Jun 02, 2004 7:59 pm

Why wont you give me a straight answer? you don't go in most days anyway so why when something important to me is happening do you feel the need to work? why do you always treat me like dirt? and why don't I ever stand up to you?

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Fri Jun 04, 2004 5:01 pm

d - Get over it already. I'm never going to do what you want. I'm never going to be perfect. Please, stop worrying so much. Relax. Make the most of what you've got. You're so lucky, I wish you could just see it and stop being so uptight.

*language*
*abuse*
*anger/hatred*

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x - You fuckng bastard. I cant believe I'm still letting what you did hurt me so much. I can't believe you got away with it. I wish I could go back in time and make you hurt like you hurt me. I wish I could have the guts to come find you and make you hurt. I wish I could tell, so everyone knew what a bastard you are. I hate you so much. It still hurts so much. I wish you could see what you did to me. I hate you. I wish you were dead.

Sky · Post by **Sky** » Sat Jun 05, 2004 1:22 am

Ok then...

Becca-san: Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean I am crazy. Just because I cut doesn't mean I am suicidal. Just because I am Christian doesn't mean that I don't feel this way. I am not a pagan, I am not going to hell, and I am not just confused in life. I know where I am going, and who I am, and who I will be when I make it through all this... When you found out, the first thing you said to me was "I'm disappointed in you; I thought you were stronger than that." First off: it is because I am strong that I am still alive. I have seen more pain and been through more hell than you could even imagine. Secondly: I wanted you to be there for me when I needed you most... we've drifted so far apart, and I don't know what's gonna happen with us. We've been friends forever, and I don't wanna end that, but I don't think that we can be as close as we were when we were younger and there were no secrets in the shadows... I wish you'd just understand...

Mom: I cut myself. You don't know how hard it is to tell you that... I know that up until now I have been your perfect daughter, but this doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me, it just means that I am dealing with a lot right now and am hurting... I am going to stop, but I need you to be there for me until I can.

Allen: I love you. I do. But I don't wanna hurt Becca, and I know that if I let myself love you, that it will hurt her... I was stunned when you told me that you loved me... It's not fair to Becca though, and I would rather die before I hurt her. I wish that things were different, and I wish that we could be together... I am always going to wonder what might have happened if we would have met before... Last night I dreamed I kissed you, and I think about you a lot during the day. But I can't let myself love you, no matter how bad I want you... If things ever fall through with the two of you, I am always here for you.

Tifany: I know that what you are going through is hard to deal with. I know because I have been there. But don't do it... don't start cutting. It's a sick, sick addiction, and of all the addictions I've had, this one is the hardest to break.

Hannah: I am so glad to have been your friend. You have helped me so much, and saved my life countless times. I know that things are changing around you, and it will be confusing, and you will be thrown into a totally different world. But it is not going to be that hard, and it can be fun and exciting if you let it. Stay close to Sarah: she will need you. I am so sorry if I have ever bothered you with my problems; I never wanted to. Thank you for always caring, and for always being there for me.

Jessie: God, I just don't know what to say. You're like a sister, but closer, because you are the best friend I've ever had. I wish I could hug you and tell you that everything's gonna be ok. I wish I could take your pain and carry it for you. I wish I could immortalize your tears in crystal glass, so that you could see them shatter. I wish I could make it all go away... I am so, so very sorry that I have caused you pain. I remember that time that I had my hands around your throat and couldn't let go... when you couldn't breathe because I was going crazy... I will never forgive myself for that. But even then you were still there for me, and understanding, and you wiped away my tears and told me that it was ok, you forgave me... I love you so much (like friends, you know I'm not "that way" lol). There is so much more that I wish I could say to you, but I cannot, as there are not words enough to express everything you mean to me... you keep me sane; you keep me here when I feel like floating away. I don't want to be someone you look up to. I can't be a hero, but I will always be here when you need me. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am, and you are the only one I can cry with. I am so sorry that I hurt you, I would rather die a thousand deaths and twice over than to cause you pain. Thank you for everything you have done for me; I love you, I miss you like crazy, I can't wait to see you soon (assuming we are still up for next week).

To everyone else: I am gonna be ok. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not crazy. I am not a hero. I love you all so very much. Thank you for putting up with me!

raven · Post by **raven** » Tue Jun 08, 2004 12:13 am

*religion*

When I told you not to worry about me and that I could take care of myself, I didn’t realize what a lie I had just spoken. In fact, at the time, I had hoped to be speaking some great truth, that you, my mother, would not have to worry your mind over your daughter, as you had your own battle to fight.

Now that you’re not here anymore I want badly to tell you that I can’t take care of myself, that I need you with me, by my side, at every turn. You told me you wanted to be there at my wedding, however far off that may be, and I smiled and said “Don’t worry,” because I couldn’t imagine getting married or even going off to college without you there, smiling and waving encouragement. I never told you that I went to my room that night and cried, and I told God that the one thing I couldn’t handle would be to lose you, because these past two years have taught me how much I love you.

I still expect to see you sleeping peacefully when I go into your room, or to be singing along to Josh Groban or sitting in your favorite place near the piano, reading. Sometimes I can’t stand myself because I remember all the times I took you for granted, and all the times I just wished you would go away and never understood what they really meant. I remember the times I was angry at you and expected you to know why, and then the times you told me you loved me even when I hated you and couldn’t stand to be near you. And yet I remember throughout all of this that all I wanted desperately was to love you and to be loved by you, though now that I am sure of your love for me, you’re gone and I’m left with a memory of a beautiful smile and a loving heart.

I used to dream of the future, when I got away from this state and could travel the world, when I could establish a new life and new relationships. Now I see the same dream, but it’s a little bit grayer now, a little bit darker. And I still can’t imagine living my life without you.

I never told you just how much I love you, though I know now God is telling you daily of your infinite beauty and your priceless heart. I was too busy being a teenager, and establishing myself away from you, to tell you what you meant to me. And I don’t know if I can forgive myself for being so selfish and not understanding the burden you carried for seventeen months, for not being more of a supporter. For not giving you the care you needed and deserved. I know God is making it up to you now, that He is giving to you double the blessings for all the suffering you endured here on earth. But I still want to say I’m sorry.

What more can I say? I love you, and I miss you. I need you. I wish you were here. But these are selfish wishes, and I will learn to be less selfish. You are and always will be my mother, even if you are my sister in heaven and in Christ, and you have taught me how to live. I never thought I’d have to learn to live without you. But I will, I promise you I will not give up, even when it seems easier just to give in and die. I will live my life because you couldn’t live yours. Dear mother, I love you. I love you. Can I say it enough? I love you. Please know, I love you.

Your daughter.

Twitter Mouse · Post by **Twitter Mouse** » Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:10 am

Jamie- Thanks for talking to me last night, I know I can be stupid sometimes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:17 pm

Baby, if there were words for this, I'd use them. But you are so much more than any words, and you always will be.

midnight* · Post by midnight* » Tue Jun 08, 2004 2:50 pm

I can't believe you're doing this. I'm sorry for what i did, i'm sorry for lying about it but why the fuck i you treating me like this now. All those things were months ago but you decided to bring them all up in one go like you always fucking do. You know just how to hurt me and make me feel even more insecure and you've made me feel like that again. I feel like crap and you will never know just how much you've hurt me. Well forget it if you think i'm apologising again. I've done so so many times and it will never be enough for you. I wish i could forget that you ever existed. I'm sorry.

Twitter Mouse · Post by **Twitter Mouse** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 11:29 pm

Nick- I fucking hate you!!!!!!! How could you do that to her???? You're such a fucking bastard, she LOVED you, and you go and cheat on her, then break up with her a few days later? What the fuck is wrong with you? If you liked someone else, why'd you ask her out? Just to be able to have a girlfriend? You arrogant, stupid son of a bitch, she deserves so much better then a peice of shit like you!!!! You crushed her, do you know that? I'm sure you have no perception of how much you hurt her, she never hurt you, she never hurt anybody. I don't even know what to say, you are such a peice of shit.

Sparrow · Post by **Sparrow** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 11:36 pm

Dad,,,,,how I wish you didn't drink so much,,,,,it makes me so so sad and scared for you.

raven · Post by **raven** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 3:04 am

*sa*
*rel*

Eight years ago you molested me in a park, in a puppet center with the curtains closed and the lights out. YOu cursed when she stopped you and you wouldn't look at me when I left. I was confused, and later on I was angry. I don't know who you are, and I don't know why you did what you did, but I want you to know that you hurt me. You hurt me more than I knew you did, and perhaps more than you know. It is partly because of you and what you did to me that I am here eight years later, struggling with self-injury and depression and suicidal thoughts. but i am not angry at you. i cannot be angry with you because i don't know who you are, and because i am learning to forgive you. i wish i knew you and could talk to you, and tell you what you've done to me, but then to tell you that despite that, despite everything, God has still been good to me, even through this. perhaps because you caused my pain i would get through to you and you would not hurt others.

~Claire~ · Post by **~Claire~** » Mon Jun 14, 2004 7:56 pm

I know you hate me. I think more than anyone else. Maybe it's cos Im the only person who stands up to you and tells you that actually you're not the god everyone seems to think you are. You're so up yourself and you dont give a shit about how anyone else feels as long as you have the last laugh, which you normally do cos the whole school's opinion changes depending on what you say.
Just leave me alone. You don't have to hurt me. Why don't you just leave me alone. Or is more fun for you to make me hate myself even more than I already do?

Bridget0688 · Post by **Bridget0688** » Mon Jun 14, 2004 9:43 pm

M&A- Guys, PLEASE stop thinking that you can rule my life. i'm not your little rescue project. It's not your purpose in life to make me better. If you knew what I've done in the past, you would run away. I'm beyond your help. Please fucking realize that.
To everybody else- If I cut myself it's NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Please let me live.

pandora · Post by **pandora** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:40 am

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 11:30 pm

No. It's not okay.

bus

Things Left Unsaid LA

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