if you have OD'd i need to talk to you *su*

Post by **swirlish** » Tue May 25, 2004 10:15 pm

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It's really helpful to get the naked and blunt truth.

Thanks again.

Love
Mia

Eiko · Post by **Eiko** » Tue May 25, 2004 10:37 pm

very very good thread
thanks for sharing your stories
i definately wont be ODing anytime soon...

Jaded · Post by **Jaded** » Tue May 25, 2004 11:17 pm

I've not been in the hospital after an OD but I have taken a few and it's not pleasant even if you don't end up having your stomach pumped or drinking charcoal.
I found the stomach cramps unbearable and considering what I used to OD I couldn't then take painkillers for the pain in my stomach. I was terrified that I might have done unseeable damage, I still think I may have as I still have a lot of problems with my health which are pretty unexplained. I was scared that I might suddenly collapse, scared it would happen when I was in the car, I'd pass out or something and I'd kill not only myself but also those in the car with me and strangers. I felt like my insides were being ripped out, I actually started to wish I'd died because then I could get away from the physical pain.
I've also gone through my family's reaction to several suicide attempts from my cousins, seeing their pain and anger, my mum pleading me not to do what my cousins had. It's just horrible and I hope that you start to feel better soon, I certainly hope that you choose not to OD

hollow cry · Post by **hollow cry** » Tue May 25, 2004 11:47 pm

no...no fun

Twitter Mouse · Post by **Twitter Mouse** » Tue May 25, 2004 11:54 pm

I took on OD once. Not a very big one, I didn't go to the hospital. But I felt so miserable, I couldn't get out of bed because I felt like I would throw up. Then, I was not only nauseous but my stomach hurt so bad, it felt like I'd just been kicked very hard in the stomach. I wanted to go to sleep so I at least wouldn't feel how bad it hurt, but all the caffeine kept me awake. Then, the next day I still have a massive stomach ache, was so nauseous I felt sick to move, and was shaking. I also got a migraine (no sleep, lots of aspirin and tylenol will do that), but couldn't take anything for it. I had a migraine and couldn't eat for almost three days. It was terrible, not nearly as bad as some other's experiences, but it was nasty for me.
Thanks to everyone for sharing, I'm bookmarking this as a reminder for when I feel like OD'ing again that is it not easy or painless.

dreams · Post by **dreams** » Wed May 26, 2004 1:27 pm

I've OD and it really really isn't a good thing.

trigs SU

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I took a lot of as drug and ended up being sick for 16 hours afterwards. The pain the you feel when there is nothing left to be sick on and yet you are still being sick is hard to explain but it is something i will remember for ever. I was taken to hospital after 16 hours and put on an IV drip thingy with an anti-drug in it or something. That made you feel awful so light headed on top of the sickness. Then there is the wait for the blood test results to see how much damage you have done to your liver. I was lucky and didn't damage mine. It is a horrible experience both for you and anyone who cares for you.

dreams

can't say · Post by **can't say** » Wed May 26, 2004 3:55 pm

and the horrible thing for friends and family is, that even if you didn't want to kill youself, you still flirted with it and tempted death (cos no one knows for sure right?).

you were ready to leave them. ready to take that risk. and however much they understand that you hurt enough to even risk your life, they will also be hurt. it's the human, two way thing. hurt *for* you and hurt *by* you.

can you tell i thought i might lose someone i love to an od? they were lucky. i was lucky. they lived to fight another day. it was not nice for either of us.

cs

Sad Poetess · Post by **Sad Poetess** » Thu May 27, 2004 4:43 am

i'm going to post here, more for the theraputic value for myself than anything else. just to get into my thick head that oding isn't pretty. selfish? you choose.

they say that insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over expecting different results.

i'll be the first to admit it then I'M TOTALLY AND UTTERLY INSANE. i have od'd so many times on so many concoctions of drugs, i am on medication for my liver because all the drugs have damaged it.

the feeling of wanting to die overrides every other thought before hand, but when you are in the midst of it- head floating and pounding, stomach churning, muscles cramping, but you won't die...what's the point? 'please let me die...i feel so sick...'

screaming at the er nurses and doctors that they tried to kill you, being strapped to a bed, that feeling of helplessness, that you can see those sharp edges on the metal basin on the other side of the room but you are strapped to the bed so you can't move.... rip at your wrists a bit longer and soon there is no feeling in them at all.

the nurse shoves a tube down your throat that makes you heave every move it makes. the syringing of the black tar-looking stuff into your stomach is enough to make you sick just looking at it. soon you pass out then wake up the next morning on the ward. you see the other 'sane' patients staring at you, whispering, 'that's the girl who tried to kill herself'. and all you want is a bath, but you can't get up because you faint. a nurse helps you to the toilet and you sh*t out black sticky stuff that is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen.

you wish that you never tried. you wish like hell that your mum will look at you the same way she did before this. not like now. not as though you've shattered your heart and tears come to her eyes and she looks away.

a week later and everyone knows what you've done. everyone judges you for it. crazy, insane, 'mentally ill', f*cked in the head... whatever...whatever. your mum locks all the medication in a metal box with a huge padlock. even the panadol is locked away. she doles out your medication in daily dispenses- shes scared shitless that you will try it again. she makes sure that you aren't hoarding your meds in order to take them all at once. you have no privacy. you are on an involuntary treatment order...nothing you do is thought of as normal ever again. you are and always will be 'that girl who tried to kill herself'

sassy koala · Post by **sassy koala** » Thu May 27, 2004 5:55 am

I od'd last fall. I od'd on some pills while my husband was in the bedroom sleeping. I'd drank a lot of alcohol that night and for some reason just decided to do it. On the way back from the bathroom, I fell over. Literaly fell backwards. Hit my head and shoulder on the side of the door and wacked my head on the floor. The crash woke up Tim (husband) and he came into the bathroom wanting to know what was going on. I told him and asked him to take me to the hospital, but he didn't. I threw up, alot. and then I think I passed out in the hallway. My husband got me into bed and spent the night watching me to make sure I kept breathing. Next thing I knew it was 7 am and he was poking me asking if I was going to go to work. I got up and showered and asked him to drive me b/c I was not completely recovered from what I took and was having problems with my balance. Went to work and called in a replacement for me. went home and slept for the rest of the day.
Called my T. The next day I had to meet with him and my husband. I felt alot of guilt and shame and anger. alot. mainly guilt.
my husband hid the pills from me for months. only giving one to me when I had a severe headache.

Chrystal · Post by **Chrystal** » Thu May 27, 2004 6:31 am

oh sweet elf,
please don't put yourself through it... it is horrible... so horrible. You'd think that I would have learned after the first couple of times and quite frankly the only reason why I did it again was because I was so drunk and impaired.
It is horrible. Even when you feel like you are puking your insides out you just don't want your parents to know and I was terrified that my mother would freak out and she did and then they stick you in hospital for a while and the whole experience is horrible.
When I first OD;d my mother made me drink 2 litres of salty water - to this day if I get thinking about salty water it makes me sick. That was when I was 8 and I couldn't even entertain the thought of doing it again till I was into my teens... and it isn't worth it.... because the chances are that someone will find you... and it is embarassing...

Take care sweet elf.
Love, chrystalxx

glass angel · Post by **glass angel** » Thu May 27, 2004 10:21 am

and from the other side of the bed? the sickening fear (will he die?), the guilt (it's my fault), the hospital smell (staff who don't tell you what's going on).

*shakes head* not fun. he didn't die, but the danger is still ever present - jaundice, liver failiure... and that night will remain with me always, every little detail.

elf - take care. i know i have felt this way before, not to want to end it but to have a break - if you're thinking of waking up...

sam_girl · Post by **sam_girl** » Thu May 27, 2004 10:32 am

i have definitely flirted with SU but hav never gone all the way- and im glad now ive read these stories. i did almost OD once but i stopped myself b4 i took 2 many pills.

id never wanna imagine my mums face waking up (if i actually did) from an OD. i still remember the look on her face when she had 2 take me 2 hospital cos i SIed so badly. im still haunted by that disappointment and fear on her face and the all consuming guilt i felt. SU's gotta b 10 times worse than that......

i still feel very SU sometimes, my boyf helps me through those times, but it is still an issue, always at the back of my head. thank u 4 all ur inspirational posts people, they've been amazing and very touching. and glass angel, its nice 2 know the other side of the story. i myself hav been through that- was once on the fone 2 a friend until almost 5 in the morning trying 2 convince her 2 go 2 hospital after ODing. i took her 2 the hospital in the morning but luckily she was ok. it was very frightening tho.

please, every1 take gd take of themselves, u guys r amazing.

sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xPaintTheStarsx · Post by **xPaintTheStarsx** » Thu May 27, 2004 2:29 pm

Thankyou all for posting your stories, they really opened my eyes. Ive never ODed, but my sister has several times. I will never forget seeing her in the hospital bed, and being so confused about what was going on. She has made it through, but she has many, many health problems especially with her liver.

Jude · Post by **Jude** » Thu May 27, 2004 3:54 pm

I have very much been there.

And seeing your parents faces? Cant even put that bit into words.

If you want to talk more my msn is: an_imitation_of_dignity@hotmail.com

Jude x

mama · Post by **mama** » Thu May 27, 2004 5:28 pm

Forgot to add the *bits and pieces* of my memory that I'll never get back (from both instances). Sort of like a bad vhs tape that goes fuzzy for a few seconds and just picks back up where it left off.

carolyn

gui hong · Post by **gui hong** » Thu May 27, 2004 6:47 pm

Got the T-shirt for this one also.

NOT a good time. It's nasty, painful and you feel absolutely worse than before, physically and emotionally. Never again.

Take care,
gui

becs · Post by **becs** » Thu May 27, 2004 8:53 pm

I can't remember ever ODing, but my father did. He took a lot of painkillers, and washed it down with alcohol. That night he threw up, but it came into his lungs- the next morning I entered my parents' room to find him writhing on the bed, completely blue in the face. He died a few days later, after having been in a coma.

Please please please don't.

-Becs

Ieke · Post by **Ieke** » Fri May 28, 2004 12:56 am

I OD'ed on painkillers, or rather tried to, almost a year ago now. My sister found me while I was still taking them.

She called 911, she didn't know what else to do, I got rushed to the hospital, where they told me that they needed the rooms for other people, and gave me a cot in the hall.

My stomach was churning and all I wanted to do was throw up, and they shoved a cup of charcoal at me and told me I had to drink it. It tasted so disgusting, I retched after my first sip, and the nurse told me that if I threw it up I'd just have to drink it again. They mixed chocolate syrup with it, I guess they thought it made it taste better; I can't eat chocolate syrup anymore.

My parents were sitting there, crying, scared that I'd have to go on dialysis, or that I'd harm my kidneys forever. Knowing that you weren't going to die, like you planned, but instead might have to live with kidney failure and have to be put on dialysis for the rest of your life was terrifying. Luckily, all I needed was the charcoal.

Proximity · Post by **Proximity** » Fri May 28, 2004 4:13 am

I can only add this, not having had any direct experience with this, thank God,
but there are more, lots more, reasons not to do it besides the pain that it will cause you.

Life is worth it. It's always changing, in 10 years, you won't be in that same place any more. There is always another way out.

prox.

[somethin']

evaporated tears · Post by **evaporated tears** » Fri May 28, 2004 4:41 am

first of all, THANK YOU for asking for OD stories instead of doing it. You have no idea how much I wish I could have read these stories one week ago. I OD'ed on Advil, which is so incredibly stupid because people don't die from Advil. At least very rarely. The sandy characoal stays in my throat, teeth, and tongue for hours and hours to come. After that, they lock you up in a facility where you are literarily held like a prisoner, surrounded by "insane" people. I almost missed prom for all this crap, and I'm so glad I was discharged in time.

Please don't do it. Please please please don't. When you get over the urge, you'll feel so much stronger and healthier. Congratulations on sticking it through until now, and keep up the good work. Find something you're passionate about. Right now, my passion is trying to help people and prevent what happened to me to happen to them. Feel free to contact me through PM or cuishanying@earthlink.net

bus

if you have OD'd i need to talk to you su

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