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depressedgrl666 · Post by **depressedgrl666** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 11:25 am

i am 13 years old, and i feel like my whole world is crashing down, if cutting myself makes me feel better then why stop? It seems like i can focus better and like i can show everyone exactly how i feel, i write so much better too- its like everything is amplified...why quit? why quit something that makes you feel really good, that lets you get away from the abuse at home and the stress of skewl? if you have a reason please tell me.....
~Lauren

depressedhorsegrl · Post by **depressedhorsegrl** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 11:54 am

I know how you feel ::gives hugs:: im going through the same stuff...y quit? thats really hard 4 me 2 answer but i've stopped for a year then started up again. Make a list of things about why you want to live. everytime you want to cut read it. you could also go to the sourcebook...its really helpful. if you wanna talk pm me.

Post by **splitimage** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 1:49 pm

Lauren,

You've asked a good question. The thing about cutting is it does work, in a way. That's what makes it so hard to stop, or even to think about stopping. The thing is for me, is that cutting doesn't really FIX anything long term, has a whole bunch of downsides (infections, scars, needing to hide them etc.,) that other coping mechanisms don't.

If you want to stop there are lots of ideas here for ways, but if you really need to right now, then please try to keep yourself safe.

Take care of yourself.

--splitimage

DXDamage · Post by **DXDamage** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 4:10 pm

cantstopcuttin' wrote: i am 13 years old, and i feel like my whole world is crashing down, if cutting myself makes me feel better then why stop? It seems like i can focus better and like i can show everyone exactly how i feel, i write so much better too- its like everything is amplified...why quit? why quit something that makes you feel really good, that lets you get away from the abuse at home and the stress of skewl? if you have a reason please tell me.....
~Lauren

Lauren, I know how you feel. When I was 13, my parents used to beat the hell out of me. I was called a no good lazy S.O.B. all my life and I endured all kinds of mental abuse as well. I was beat up in school till I was 16 when I was big enough to defend myself. I started cutting when I was 10. I called it draining the bad blood. I still am struggling with this.
Its like I need to feel the physical pain to feel human. Its nothing Im proud of. But I guess Ill get better in time.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 5:11 pm

hey lauren. nice to meet you.

i felt like you for the longest time. stopping is so hard, because you've grown to rely on it. and, i think you shouldn't try stopping until you're ready to, and until you want to. if it's helping you cope right now, then don't try and stop, because it could come back worse. but maybe eventually you'll be able to find other ways of coping. you can pm me if you'd like to talk about anything, i'm always here.

huggles,
tara.

lostandalone · Post by **lostandalone** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:23 pm

lauren,
I also was that way when I was your age and still struggle. It takes time. I
would not recomend SIing but I did it untill I learned new ways of dealing with my pain. There is lots of info in this site to help you find ways of distracting yourself.

I;m not sure if you even want to quit. But here is a little bit of a personal story in which I came to the realization that I had to quit. I found out back in November that threw my actions my younger sister has started to SI. I'm not sure your family situation but if you have younger siblings or cousins who look up to you they will follow in your foot steps. It may be hard to belive now but I am almost 21 years old and it took me about 6 years to realize that what I am doing is bad. And now i have nasty ugly scars to live with for the rest of my life.

If you need to talk you can PM me.

Bagpuss · Post by **Bagpuss** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:38 pm

Lauren,

That's a very good question. If anyone has a good answer then please enlighten us.

Bagpuss · Post by **Bagpuss** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:50 pm

Hey!
Sorry that last post from me sounds a bit dumb.
I just want to be able to give my sistera reason for stopping (apart from the obvious reasons - well obvious to those of us who don't SI).

DXDamage · Post by **DXDamage** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 4:29 pm

It does feel good and all. But in reality, all any of us are doing is hurting ourselves. Kinda like drugs, they made me feel good but all I was doing was just making myself worse. I dont know what the answers are. If I did, Id be a millionare. I tried church, praying, and putting my faith in something, but all I got was nothing in the end.

Skye · Post by **Skye** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 4:31 pm

SI is a coping strategy. I think for many people SI is about survival, sheer just getting through getting by and it is often a way of reducing otherwise unbearable stress.

But SI is survival, not living. It is about reducing stress, not being whole.

Although SI may well help you cope in the short term with overwelming tesnions/stresses/thoughts/feelings, in the long-term it will not solve those situations. It will not help you speak your anger to those who hurt you. It will not help you learn to love yourself or treat yourself as a valuable human being.

Stopping is not an overnight thing. It is a process, it's a journey and that's all right. I think it starts with wanting the things that SI cannot give. More than jsut short-term calmness, or numbness, or tangible, fixable pain you can feel and control. More than just mere survival. When you start to want to see yourself as more than just abuse, or hurt, or a disorder, or damage/wounds/scars. When you want to be whole, when you want to be healthy , when you want to be able to speak out your grief/anger/frustration instead of turning it in on yourself. When you want to be more than someone who just reacts as they get tossed about by circumstance. When you want to start treating yourself with the care and respect other people might not have afforded you.

SI is functional but long-term it doesn't really solve anything. It's a stress-coping strategy not a life strategy.

SI does not make you a bad person, or a worthless one. But stopping SI doing this in your own time, at your own pace, and replacing the space that SI leaves with something that in the long-term may be more functional for you can help you establish boundaries, start working on your self-worth and being more than someone who has been hurt, more than someone who merely reacts and survives.

I think that's the essence of why to stop. Realising you want more out of life for yourself, feeling that and working towards it. It's about getting new skills, new ways of approaching things and solving the problems/conflicts in your life.

Recovery is a process. There are slips usually and that's ok. You fall down, you get up you carry on best you can with the skills and resources you have available at the time.

I don't really count SI free time (mostly because when I'm counting it I feel pressured), but I will go for months and months without feeling the need to cut- and these are good months.I don't think SI is evil or that one is a bad person if they cut- SI has served a purpose and I can recognise that and not feel guilt over it. BUT Nowadays SI is the last thing I resort to, not the first, and my life has been a lot better for it. I can have healthy relationships, I can set boundaries, I can tell someone when they've hurt me or made me angry- and these are all really really good things. Things I feel proud of and happy about.

I can start to love my body, to understand my own self-worth, to not want to hurt myself, I've made a good start on accepting myself the way I am and feeling comfortable in my skin, thinking long-terms about how to get my needs met, what my goals are, to feel most days that I'm living, that I can even sometimes celebrate that fact as opposed to just getting through one moment to the next, scraping by and surviving.

Skye · Post by **Skye** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 4:38 pm

Edited to add- your wounds are not your feelings. They may be the beginnings of expressing them- but they aren't an accurate reflection of what you're feeling, how much you are angry or stressed or you hurt- but they will not help you tackle these things at their source.

Your feelings are a lot more than the amount of damage you may inflict on yourself. And SI may make you feel calm, more focused, it may be the thing that helps you express yourself (and that is all ok)- but try and remember that it is not the only thing. SI may have been what got you started with writing and getting in touch with your emotions and so on, but there are other ways of getting there. Depression is not profound- it is difficult and sad.

If in depression and your coping mechanisms you do find yourself connecting to positive things about yourself, that is great, but you can still have that without SI, find different routes of getting to that same place of expression/focus/calm and so on.

By trying to move away from SI< trying to incorporate other coping strategies you are giving yourself the opportunity to find something that will work better for you long-term. There is a vast spectrum here- it is not an all or nothing thing.

depressedgrl666 · Post by **depressedgrl666** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 8:21 pm

thanx for replyin bak ppl. it really helped but i still cant see why i should stop.. it is like impossible for me to, cuz it feels soo good, and when i see the blood running down my arm i feel calm....my only escape
~lauren
queen of darkness

*How will you know if I am hurting if you can't see my pain?To wear it on my body tells what words can't explain*
~me

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