last time i wanted to si, i didn't because.......

P!nk · Post by **P!nk** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 7:19 am

<img src="http://saoriweyr.free.fr/bounce/kaoani_blue011.gif"> Called a Friend!

mercykill · Post by **mercykill** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 7:30 pm

my boyfriend loves me and i love him...and i never want to do soemthing that could possibly make him leave me or do something that could lead to me leaving......

and i called him and he told me to write a story and i did...kind of a dark story...but it helped....

Crimson Arranz · Post by **Crimson Arranz** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 8:05 am

I talked online with my best friend... he told me he knew I wouldn't let him or anyone down and that I wouldn't destroy everything I had worked for...

blacktiger · Post by **blacktiger** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:49 am

*deleted*

tenar · Post by **tenar** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:44 pm

i have decided i am not going to cut and have told people i amnot going to cut. so i'm not going to, i can't back out.

instead. i just stayed with freinds, kept my hands where they couldn't get up to mischief against me, avoided releasing anger by hitting things.

xx

RickTheTwinkie · Post by **RickTheTwinkie** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:16 am

I remembered the pain and embarassment. Unlike some people, I feel a lot of pain when I SI. I also remembered the nasty scars on my arm and I didn't want to have to explain why I have a cut on my arm if I wore short-sleeves.

{ Phoenix } · Post by **{ Phoenix }** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:30 am

I am trying to not SI right now. I am listening to loud, angry music, and talking to a friend online, because I am worth more than SI. I have other ways to express my anger. I don't need to cut.

~A fragile Cat~

sassy koala · Post by **sassy koala** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:50 am

last night I got it. I figured out what (for me) the key is. Power. It's about not giving that other person or thing the power to control me like that. I have the power as long as I am in control and stay in control of myself. So, last night I wanted to si so bad (fight with hubby), but decided that I could either let that asshole control me into si'ing or I could not give him that power and keep my string of si free days going.
not sure if this makes sense or not.

sk

SaraiStar · Post by **SaraiStar** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:11 am

The last time I wanted to cut I didn't because my boyfriend/ best friend/ love of my life was coming to visit, and I know how much it affects him to see when I've done that. At first it seemed a stupid or weak reason to me, cause it wasn't coming totally from within, but I think now I see that it's ok to borrow strength from other people sometimes.

-S

Inwë Lessien · Post by **Inwë Lessien** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 12:11 pm

The last time I wanted to cut I thought about:

My family. I've put my parents and sibs in so much turmoil, what with going into the hospital and all. My niece gave me a hug a couple of days after I got out and said to me: "Now don't you go leavin' us again." I can't possibly hurt them anymore; and I don't want to see my mother cry like that ever again.

My boyfriend. Even though he doesn't really call anymore or show that he cares, I hope against hope that he does; and that I'm doing the right thing in assuming that it'll still hurt and upset him to no end.

Going back to IP. One of the staff there, J.D., made a bet with me and said, "You'll be in here before the end of the month." The hell I will. He won't get the satisfaction.

And instead of SI-ing, I:

painted my nails

goofed off on Random Weirdness and Distractions boards

went out to dinner with my parents

went out to play DDR with Rachael, my little sister.

Saren · Post by **Saren** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:47 pm

I saw the "1 month recovery" AA coin my "stepfather" (mom's boyfriend) gave me about SIing. He's been sober for like 10 years, and he gave me a coin a month after I got out of the hospital

. I remembered so many people care and that I wasn't alone in my battle.

Comanche Let Thru · Post by **Comanche Let Thru** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:53 pm

decided to draw a mandala.

alegria · Post by **alegria** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:20 pm

I couldn't figure out why i wanted to so i did the fifteen minute thing till i felt better. Haven't done it in 10 days.

RickTheTwinkie · Post by **RickTheTwinkie** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:23 pm

I didn't do it because I lacked the motivation to get up out of bed, get the implements, and commit the act.

jacidsky · Post by **jacidsky** » Sat Mar 27, 2004 7:27 pm

made the decision to take the hottest shower i could handle... it hurt like hell but i felt better afterwards.

3 weeks free at the moment.

Unrecognizable · Post by **Unrecognizable** » Sun Mar 28, 2004 4:29 am

A friend asked me not to do it, something he's never done before. And he told me I wasn't the only one I was hurting when I cut myself... he's the only one that knows though, so that means I was hurting him... and I couldn't bear the thought of doing that to him again. So I haven't done it since.
But that is the one and only reason I'm not doing it. If it weren't for him, I would be.

Thank goodness for good friends...

Russianpoetess · Post by **Russianpoetess** » Sun Mar 28, 2004 4:33 am

I want to si everyday. I don't beacuase I know I need to stop and I know this is not the way to cope. because it know i will lie about it and i hate lying. because it hurts other people and i dont want to hurt them.

8586 · Post by **8586** » Sun Mar 28, 2004 8:04 pm

I didn't want to have to worry about it showing while playing soccer.

I really wanted to though

, but I guess I am glad I didn't.

Ardeth · Post by **Ardeth** » Sun Mar 28, 2004 11:02 pm

I didn't si because I thought of my boyfriend... and how much he loved me and how much he understands but I can always see it hurts him in a way as well.
Unfortunately I can also say there was absloutely not other reason...

{ Phoenix } · Post by **{ Phoenix }** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 5:57 am

I thought of how far I've come, and how I am a new person now. I am someone who does not need to cut. I do not need to cut to express myself. I can use words. Words are powerful. I do not need to use blood. I will be okay. I went to visit my fiancé at work, and brought him dinner, and I expressed my frustration and anger. I used words instead of cutting to express how I feel.

~Cat~

bus

last time i wanted to si, i didn't because.......

i didnt cut b/c.....

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