Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[fairywings]

Mum - im sorry for being the way i am, for bottling it all up unable to tell the truth
J- Im utterly sorry 6 years now or maybe more the shit and lies ive told you, im sorry love you though if only you could get to know the real me
G- God saying sorry on here wont even be a start to what i owe you, i owe you everything, so much more than i could ever give you - i know i should start with the truth but maybe that would do more damage to both of us, im so so so sorry, i love you, if only you could love the real me although i dont expect you to not after the shit i have caused.
H- sorry babe- i know i should tell you so much more
K - grow up a little we all have problems not just you
Dad - sorry i really am
C - I really like you cant you see that? open your eyes some more we have so much in common unfortunatly.

[sassy koala]

Mom and Dad - guess what?? The world doesn't fucking revolve around you! News flash!! ding ding ding!!! Why would I want to call you when all you try do is bring me down. When I get serious about losing weight....
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I konw what I look like. You don't have to constatnly remind me.
Grandma - drop the guilt tripping. I see where mom and dad get it from now.
J- you sorry motherfucker. YOu made me feel special and all the while you were lying to me. That's what hurts. You knew I cared for you. You knew and still you used me and let me think I was special to you. You crazy ignorant fuck.
T - It's not all about your dick

[Priceless]

H: I love you

D: FUCK YOU IM NOT FAT, IM THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CALL MY SELF FAT; SHUT THE FUCK UP U STUPID C*NT

[Twitter Mouse]

Mom- She *is* out to get me, I don't know how else to put it, or how to explain it, so stop calling me crazy.

Dad- You suck. I hate you.

Jen- I'm sorry things worked out like they did. I can only hope it will be for the best in the end.

Jamie- Thanks! You are such a great help to me.

Jason- Why'd you ditch me then lie about it? You're mean.

Jenn- Thanks! I hope those shadows leave you alone soon.

Di- Thanks for talking to me this afternoon. It really helped and meant a lot to me.

Ms. F- You suck. You didn't cash the check, so you obviously didn't spend it you stupid bitch. And that 'well if everyone did it' excuse is shit. Not everyone cancelled, I have personnal problems and can't go. You are such a stupid bitch. My mom is broke as it is, and now might lose more money because you are too much of a stupid fuck to give back the check.

[~Claire~]

Im so so so sorry, I never meant to ruin everything. I didnt want to loose you all. I didnt want it to all go wrong like this I dont know what to do to make it better...

Claire xx

[skittles33]

maybe su

you left. just like everyone else. you said you would not leave, you said no matter how i tried i could not push you away. maybe i scared you away. but no, i think you believe there is no hope for me. just like everyone else...i believe it to. i am hopeless. there is no way i will make it to the other side is there? you don't even care. you don't see how much i'm hurting. how i'm trying to hold on but have no reason to. i'm slipping and you don't even care.

[DiamondHeart]

K-

He did NOT sleep with my "best friend". I don't give a fuck what you think about that, I don't give a rat's ass if you think I'm being a sentimental jackass, he didn't.
Yeah, fine, he didn't deserve me, tell me something I don't fucking know. And you did? Excuse me? I don't think so. You cheated on Becca with me, how the hell does that put you in some fucking holier-than-thou posisition?
At least he had the decency to LEAVE when he left me. At least he never promised that he'd break up with his bitch of a fiancee then went back on that...like, oh, SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION!

You miss Becca. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. I'm SORRY she's a bitch, I'm SORRY you live on the other side of the fucking country. I'm SORRY you're a complete idiot and stayed with her after all of the shit she's pulled. I'm SORRY that
What the fucking hell do you want me to do about it? There's only so many times someone can say, "Awww, I'm sorry, *hugs*" before it ceases to become useful and/or starts being downright fucking annoying. How many times do you want me to throw a fucking pity-party for you over this?
You want to see her? Then get your lazyass back in school so that when you DO get there, you can do something besides work at HellMart and live in somewhere besides the barrio in east LA.

~Diamond~

[guest11]

SCREW YOU! GO AND FUCK YOURSELF! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO KISS MY GIRLFRIEND!

[talliah]

deleted. as was spur of the moment. irrational. that's not what i think about one of my best friends, i was just taking it out on her, i realise that now.
so instead:
r - I am sorry for even thinking about saying that to you. you have been such a good friend to me, listened to me, been there for me, put up with me, have tried so hard. i'm here if you need me too.

[Twitter Mouse]

Dad- I HATE YOU!! Why can't you take a fucking hint? I hate you, I always will. I'm NEVER coming back to your house. I'm never speaking to you. And yes, you do deserve this crap. You deserve so much worse than this. I HATE YOU!!!!!! So leave my mom and I alone you piece of shit!

[talliah]

p or maybe c - I want to cut. Can you keep me safe tonight, please?

[caterpillargirl]

...

[DiamondHeart]

B-

If you want to hash out what happened and what to do about it and all that jazz, then I'm all for it. God knows I could use the closure.
If at some point you are willing to let me beat this to death and then poke at it with a stick while it rots, but would prefer we figure out how to have a conversation that doesn't go *random burst of conversation* ...silence... *random burst of conversation* ...silence... first, that's ok too. Probably not a bad idea.
And you're allowed to bitch at me too, you know. I wasn't exacly all sunshine and daffodils either. Some of what happened was purely my fault, some was your fault, but alot of it was just that we're both just really, really fucking stupid.

I am going to be scared you're going to hurt me again. For a long time.
Hurt me once shame on you
Hurt me twice shame on me

It doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter how many times you ask me to trust you. It doesn't matter because I genuinely believe, even after all that's happened, that you're a decent guy and that you never meant to hurt me.
Doesn't change a thing.
It doesn't change how much it hurt, it doesn't change how much I cried, it doesn't change how hurt I still am to know that you didn't MEAN to fuck me over, you just...did.

If you don't KNOW, and I mean know beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you truly want to try to fix what happened and talk about it and that you WON'T give up on me again...please, if you ever cared about me at all, GO. PLEASE. And don't come back until you can tell me that you do. It doesn't make one damn bit of difference to me.

The only way I'm gonna get hurt out of this is if you act like you're sincere when you're not.
Problem is, as best as I can figure it, you ARE sincere until, well, you're not.

I'm going through more than you could believe right now. I'm not so lacking for entertainment that I'm willing to go through this all again. Didn't have so much fun the first time around I'm that keen to try it again. I'm going to be randomly pissy and bitchy and odds are, you're not going to know why because I DON'T TRUST YOU. If I say drop something, DROP IT and please don't get quiet and pissy. I realize that's a double standard, but just... The more you push me to talk to you the more I'm just going to clam up to be a contrary bitch. You appear at least to have improved on that. I was impressed.

If you want me to badly enough I'll trust you again with at least opening up to you. It's gonna take more random conversation to do it.

I am not going to hunt you down and make you fix this. If I had any interest in making you grow up I would have done it already. If I thought stalking you into submission would make either of us feel better about what happened, rest assured I would have done it a thousand times over.

~Diamond~


[/i]

[indiegirl]

hold me, i hurt.

[talliah]

R - before i wrote an angry entry to you on this thread. i deleted it because some of it really wasn't true of you and most of it was based on irrational anger.
However i have since realised that some of it was true so i'm going to try expressing myself in a more sensitive way.
you think you are empathetic but actually you have no idea. you ask me if i ever think "just pull yourself together" to myself. do you think i enjoy feeling like this? do you think i enjoy being triggered to hurt myself? i certainly don't, so of course i'd love to pull myself together, but can you not realise that either i can't or i simply don't know how. you can't empathise because you expect everyone to think and feel the way you do, just becuase you never get down about little things, just because you don't doubt yourself.
also you often lack tact and you don't often say the right thing. because you can't empathise. you don't think what people might need to be hearing. you rarely say anything to make me feel good about myself. and secretly you are a bit arrogant. you do think you are very attractive and better than me, that's fine but don't deny it.
okay. maybe that was harsh. but it's true.
oh and the really immature thing is wanting everyone to like you. you should want people who you like and respect to like you and only for who you are. why give a fuck about the rest?

[Twitter Mouse]

Trish- You are blind! I cannot believe you think my dad is perfect and not a liar. I didn't need the reminder about Landen and Jen and Jul. Oh yeah, let me remember all those good times you pointed out. Well, why don't you remember someof the other times? Like when I used to spend entire days crying because of things he said to me. And how yelled at each other all the time. How I sat in my room all day, only coming out for the bathroom and to get food to bring back into my room with me. Also, how I always wore long sleeves because I cut ever few hours. And then of course let's remember the two times I tried to kill myself because I just couldn't take living there anymore. But, I suppose that is my fault. Not dad's, nothing ever is his fault is it? He's the most perfect asshole there is.
As far as seeing the family, no I won't. Dad told them everything about me. That I cut, that I was suicidal, and that I was put away for it and I'm dilussional because I blamed him, and of course nothing is his fault. They won't want to see me, so why should I see them? My cousin, who I was super close to now depises me becaue of him. I'm not dealing with it.

*sigh* I wish I had the guts to send that to her.

[WickedWitchElphie]

*For one second, just one second, can you pretend I exist? The only thing you care about anymore are the other two. I know I'm the bitchy, bratty, annoying, obnoxious, rebellious, messed up child, but I WOULDN'T BE THIS MESSED UP IF YOU WOULD JUST PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT MY LIFE FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND! The only time either of you ever care is when he's here, and that's because you wanna spy on me and you don't want us doing anything bad. I wanna go do something bad with him just to spite you, but that's not fair to myself or him. If you're gonna pretend I don't exist, ignore me ALL the time, not just when it's convenient for YOU.

*I want to do something with you. Dangerous. I don't care anymore. I'm ready for it. I really, really want to. There's just...there's no way we can. Where? When? I want you. So badly. It's driving me absolutely nuts when I'm with you like I was yesterday. I wanted to do it yesterday. You have NO IDEA how badly I wanted to. It was so hot and steamy and passionate and I was totally ready to commit myself to you. I'm ready to do it now. I want it to be perfect and memorable, and I want it to be with you. I know you don't like that I promised myself to you, but I hate promises, and this is one I KNOW I can keep. I wish we could. I wanna run away from everyone and do it. I wanna be eighteen so people would consider it "okay". I just...I wanna be with you. I wanna break all the rules and cross all the boundaries. I know you love me. You know I love you. And that's how I want to express it.

If I could say those things to the people who need to hear them I'd...well, I don't wanna think about what would happen. That's why I'm saying them here. Because I could NEVER actually work up the courage to say them to someone else.

[WickedWitchElphie]

Promise me we'll do something today. I need to be in your arms to feel safe again.
<center>:lpurpstar: </center>

[dreams]

in response to ' you'd find it a lot easier to stop cutting if u didn't have a blade in the bathroon'

"i never said i'd stopped, i said i was getting help. I can't just give up my only coping mechanism i need to learn other ways to cope. Don't judge my attempts at getting better or think you know what i should do, i can only be who i am and i am the only person who knows me well enough to know what i need."

to C - "i'm sorry, i'm a freak i know it. The things i do when i'm drunk are completely out of order and i shouldn't do them. I long to be loved so much when i'm drunk i think demanding sex from people i hardly know is a substitute for being loved. When i'm sober i know its not and i know what an awful position it must be for you to know i fancy you and not have feelings towards me but still wanting to be friends, you've always treated me with respect despite the situations i've put you in and i'm grateful of that. I'm sorry if Friday ruined any chance i ever had of being friends."

to everyone - "leave me alone. I may appear to be confident and self assured but i'm weak and lonely on the inside. When you think you're laughing with me i always feel your laughing at me. I just want to be loved where's the crime in that"

[theatregeek]

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No IRL
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You made my valentines day amazing, Just lying in your arms was total bliss. I know it meant nothing, and it kills. It was only a one night fling. We made that perfectly clear. But i want it to be more. Today on the ice i saw you skating, You looked beautiful. I wanted to be with you again Just like two days ago. Whne your in town my heart cant stop beating. Please go to MHS next year. North is too far away. I love you. There i said it. I have loved you since summer 2001. I didnt realize it until that night. The night we had the campout. We shared the sleeping bag. We cuddled. To you it meant nothing, but to me it was amazing. I knnow you feel it, but show it. That was the night before i was dumped by my bf. And u made it all better. I thought i loved him, then i thought i loved liddick, who knows this might be a false alarm, but i have a feeling it isnt.