Things Left Unsaid *LA*

lore · Post by **lore** » Thu Oct 30, 2003 9:16 pm

why is everyone happy but me? oh i know! because i'm a selfish bitch!

...yknow how we arent supposed to post SU notes? well what if someone wants to say goodbye? do it by pm? just wondering.

god i want out. out out OUT DAMNIT

Jaded · Post by **Jaded** » Thu Oct 30, 2003 9:27 pm

just because I'm not hurting myself doesn't mean I'm not hurting, sometimes I just need someone to chat to even if I feel fine, someone to take away the lonliness. I don't want to feel that I'm not as important as everyone else. I always have to wait, why am I bottom of the list just because I'm "getting better"

Intricate · Post by **Intricate** » Thu Oct 30, 2003 11:03 pm

Arwen. I'm so sorry for everything i put you through. I was truly in love with you just i didn't understand. I loved you for everything you were to me. there are so many different types of love and the love i have with adam is the right one. You will allways be my role model and one of my saviours. Even though i havn't physically seen you for months you are still my dearest friend and allways will be. I still love you like i always did, as a friend, a confidant, someone to respect and look up to. You are amazing arwen...never forget that and realise i havn't forgotton you.
I'm glad you and adam get on now. I'm always here for you but not in that way.
love you my friend
Nessxxxx

caterpillargirl · Post by **caterpillargirl** » Fri Oct 31, 2003 1:31 am

tomwg · Post by **tomwg** » Fri Oct 31, 2003 7:59 pm

i don't know what to say, or to whom... does it matter anyhow? problibly not....

i have made my choices... in the cold light of truth, and i know what i've done and why (mostly).

i just can't do it anymore, working there and knowing i hate it so... not the work, just the people, and not all the people, just two people, who suck out all the life all the good and all the postive out of the air and with it replaces distrust, anger and animosity.

i can't be in a place like that... i've done that too many times before and i know what it does to me... the cycle it puts me in... the si, the drinking, the rest of my self distruction.

it is a new year for me, and i want this one to be as good as the last... so, i made a choice. maybe it isn't the most responsible one... the avoidance of the problem, but, it means i can keep the rest of my life, have a little bit of time for fun, for the next three days, and that is a good enough trade off for me.

so, i go now, and make good with my choices... like i always do, because in the end i have no choice, but to make good with my choices.

i've suffered far worse concequeces for my choices... and this isn't nearly as high a price as i've paid in the past.

so be it. it is done. now to go and have a happy halloween.

raven · Post by **raven** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 1:41 am

*lang*

what are you doing? who are you? i don't know you. i never knew you. you are just a man. you aren't my father. you aren't my father. how can you be? yo uaren't her husband. you couldn't be. you coudln't be. you don't love her. if you did, if you cared AT ALL you woudln't be doing this to us.

how hard is it just to listen to her once in a while? i hate you for what you're doing to this family, what you're doing to HER. she's going through so much... can't you see? YES I KNOW YOU CAN SEEI T BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT BLIND I KNOW YOU CAN SEE HER CRYING. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. you're supposed to be her husband, to take care of her. when she's crying out for someone, for lov,e where are you? if you don't love her anymore, why do you continue living this lie? why do you live a lie? why are you too weak to leave? why are you too weak to let us move on with our lives, without you?

i am so fucking angry. and i hate you even more because it's your fucking fault that i have no idea how to express my anger. it's your fucking genes, the way you brought me up. now you're at a Bible study. leading a Bible study? leading worship? going to church every sunday, reading the Bible at church, giving money every month... what does that do? taht doesn't take away the pain you inflict, the sin you commit. God sees past that. God sees who you are. and God loves you, which i cannot understand.

i must love you in some part of me but that thought disgusts me. it disgusts me because you disgust me, but then i am just as bad as you and so i disgust myself. and i am filled with disgust and hate and anger and whatever other negative feeelings you can come up with and i hate you i hate you i hate you why are you doing this to me???????

all this pain...

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 6:06 am

B-
You wanted to help me? You wanted to be there for me? You wanted me to go to you whenever I needed someone.
WELL WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA NOW, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
YOU WANT TO SAVE ME?!!! YOU WANT TO FUCKING RESCUE ME?!!
FINE!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S YOUR FUCKING CHANCE!!!!!!!!!
I GAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!
YOU ASKED ME TO TRUST YOU, WELL GUESS WHAT, I DID. YOU TOLD ME YOU'D COME BACK TO ME YOU FUCKING LIAR.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT MEANT FOR ME TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS RAPED AND YOU COULD FUCKING CARE THAT I LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THAT JUST BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!
I'VE BEEN STARING DOWN A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA AND PILLS FOR THE PAST TWO FUCKING DAYS NOW WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!

you were supposed to be there for me..............

~Diamond~

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 2:18 pm

K: You are my best friend, my favorite actor, my favorite dork, but most importantly, my boyfriend. I have never felt this way before, I've never felt so happy to be alive, to be around you, to listen to you breathe, it's a new feeling to me. But I love it. I love you. I love every little thing we have, I love our stupid inside jokes, I love our snugglefests, I love that you protect me. I love that you have helped me through this. Without you, I couldn't have succeeded. You inspire me and amaze me more and more every day. I just wish you could be here all the time, and I know you want to, and that comforts me beyond words. I want to hold you and never let go, and never let anything in the universe come between us. Promise me?

Scarlett · Post by **Scarlett** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:52 am

Erin Thank you. You actually care and I love you so much and not just for that. I wish every happiness for you. If Joe is a dick again I'll cut his off or at least torture him because he doesn't deserve you anyway. Thank you.

Lipsi · Post by **Lipsi** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 5:00 pm

ok so i fucked up could you please let it lie? you've done it too. You've messed everything up lying and exaggerating. What i mean to say is you messed everything up more. I can't cope with this right now. Get over it! get over me just forget you ever knew me and forget i screwed up. I'm not part of your life anymore stop dragging me back.

tomwg · Post by **tomwg** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 8:02 pm

why do i feel like i'm not allowed to talk about rbjr?
why does everyone make me feel, like, "hey, it's over don't talk or think about it anymore"
but it was 6 and a half years of my life! that kind of time just doesn't "dissapear" magicly even though we broke up almost two years ago.
the pain, the abuse the damage he did to me... it is real and it is inside me...
and yes- i've come a long way-
i'm so much better now, and i'm mostly healed.
but i want to talk about him- why? because he is a part of my life's history. and at 28, he makes up a lot of my adulthood. nearly all of it. and that is important... it means something. like he was here, with me at some point in time.
and in my head, he is here still, sometimes.
no- i don't want him back-
no i don't love him anymore-
no i don't miss him-
but i do need to talk about him. and the abuse...
and the good times too- because they weren't all bad. the time together. but it was.
real.
for a while.
and no one is around that will let me talk about it.
express it...
why?
why aren't i allowed to talk about rbjr?
should i just let it go? and do what others do, pretend he didn't happen? pretend that that 6 1/2 years didn't exsit?
i wish.
it did happen, and the events after that werent' good either...
and maybe this is what i wanted to say all along.
rbjr and i had a bloody end
he wouldn't let me go peacefully or gracefully.
it was ugly and bloody and violent.
like our relationship...
i'm glad it is over now, i'm better for it...
but, i still want to talk about it.

HoldMe · Post by **HoldMe** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 9:17 pm

MHR - I'm so sorry I keep ruining things for you cos of what I do. I love you. Please don't go away. Please.

Fi - You're never there for me, you don't even try to understand me and you genuinely don't care. I listened to you talking about your grandad, how apparently he was going to die at the end of every week, even though you started this 2 years ago, and you can't even show me the same respect. I hate how you judge me then shout at me, you bitch.

Ang - You're a complete fucking bitch. Enough said.

MH - You're a good friend. You just listen and don't tell me what I should have done.

CA - You used to be my closest friend but I can't trust you now and I find you immature. Stop judging people by their looks, a lot of them are nicer than you.

Andrew - Shut up. You don't know me and I don't know you. I'm not talking to you when you make those comments, stop adding your opinion where it's not wanted.

Maria - You're the most inconsiderate person I've ever met. You see everything as a challenge or a competition, there is no need to be so agressive. When someone says they're feeling bad, they don't want to hear how much worse your actually quite nice life is. Not everyone wants to hear your opinions, so please stop shouting all the time. I'm sick of hearing your voice.

Sarah - Don't label me as "typical angsty middle class teen". You're only distancing yourself from me. If you want to understand, just listen. Don't label me, i'm special.

*feeling better now* I've been wanting to tell them this for ages. They can never read it here, but I've said it.

HoldMe

ShellyT · Post by **ShellyT** » Wed Nov 05, 2003 2:56 am

james, i love you.

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Wed Nov 05, 2003 9:54 am

EVERYONE JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!!!
I FEEL LIKE BLOODY FUCKING HELL RIGHT NOW.
I'm tired, I'm sick, and my cunt is being a, well, CUNT, and doing nasty and unpleasant things to me right now. Just lemme alone.
No, you don't understand. Maybe if I told you, you would, but I can't, ok?? I just can't...not yet. please please please please stop pushing me, it hurts so bad not to have someone i can talk to about this, i might tell you someday but just...i'll be more likely to tell you if you back off and let me come to you.
god why do i want you to be my friend again...

~Diamond~

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Wed Nov 05, 2003 8:48 pm

*GET OVER IT.
I'm serious. We can do whatever we want and expect you not to blab your fucking big mouth. Just because you're jealous of what we have doesn't mean that you can just tell the world about our personal lives. Do us a favor and leave us alone.

*Where the FUCK do you think you can get off coming over to your ex-boyfriend, with your new boyfriend, and calling ME trashy?!?!? Hon, look in the fucking mirror!!! You're the little whore here, not me. Lord only KNOWS what you did on the bus ride there so back the fuck off and stay out of our lives, you bring so much pain to me and him so just get away.

*I love you. I'm sorry that we had to deal with two really annoying bitches today, but if you weren't there I would've cried. I'm not trashy am I? I know she's prettier than me and you didn't have to tell me she wasn't, because everyone knows it. I'm just a fat ugly cow and she's a little petite perfect girl. Don't love me. You deserve better.

caterpillargirl · Post by **caterpillargirl** » Wed Nov 05, 2003 8:52 pm

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 5:05 pm

Everyone: Don't pretend that neither of us know what we're talking about. None of you want us to know, I don't know why, maybe you're jealous, maybe you aren't really our friends, I just don't know. But we get it. Absolutely nothing can keep us apart, nothing, and if you're real friends, then you'll believe us. This isn't fake, this is real, and you know what? It doesn't even matter if you believe us. We believe us. I guess that really should be all that matters.

tomwg · Post by **tomwg** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 7:47 pm

eric d-- it is so strange how the past two months i've been thinking of you. like after years and years.

i realized a couple of days ago, just how long ago it has been since we dated... it will be 10 years this spring. we were sooo young.

it is where i started, with you. you were some kind of experiement for me at 18, and the expirence of dating you shaped the past 10 years. i bet you didn't know you had that much influence on me.

why has your memorie started to haunt me? that i can remember i've seen you, twice in the past 6 or 7 years. the last time was after mass one afternoon. you had started to grow out a mustache. it was sooo blond. we exchanged a handfull of words and that was it. it was signaficat somehow. i feel it. or maybe i want to feel it.

i had an "mmmmm" moment when i saw you then. you had filled out with your air force training, grew into your face and body. you have aged well, definatly gotten better looking as we've gotten older. i wonder how you look at 28. if 23 was that good to you? hmmmm... i'd bet all the money i have that you're even better looking now.

i don't know why i'm writing this. maybe it is the way puppy has teased me with your name... with the possibility that you could come back to alb, to ann. and that we could become friends again. and more? we could have been so close 10 years ago, if i hadn't been so afraid, if i hadn't been going away to school... if i hadn't used you as some experiement, but as an experience instead. but what if now? i'm 10 years older, and i'd like to think wiser. better than i was 10 years ago. i'm not the girl you knew and went to prom with.

but what's the use? you've probibly married and started a family. and never think about me anyhow. a great guy, a great man.... some one like you probibly got snached up right away. any smart woman would. too bad 10 years ago i wasn't that smart.

i had a vision of us 10 years ago. of you and married... imagination or prophicy? who knows? many things i've "dreampt" have come to pass. my powers to sometimes see the future are still as strong as they were then. stronger sometimes... but who knows? i always get what i want, and maybe that is why what i see comes true, i get it because i want it.

i digress...

i always said, that if i were to marry for great in- laws, i'd marry you because your parents were so great to me in those few months we dated. funny eh? at 18 i thought that? even when i was engaged to rbjr and dealing with his crazy parents, i said that.

so where are you now, eric? how are you now? i'd like to see you again, talk to you, find out what has happend all these years with you. see if age has been good to you...

i just thought i'd send this out to the great unknown and tell you what i was thinking.

tomwg

ShellyT · Post by **ShellyT** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 9:38 pm

please dont hurt me tonight. im not as strong as you might think. let's just fall in love so i can live happily every after. please?

bus

Things Left Unsaid LA

to the void...

Who is online