1-Thanks for being there.....i have a feeling im falling in love with you....that scares me....i know u like 3, and i know u have the policiy and shit, but ugg i dunno, i dont wanna love you, but i think i do,
2-Im getting over it slowly, and im glad we r still friends, i hope things can go back to normal soon.
3-Hey, thanks a bunch for doing what u did, BITCH. ahhh u piss me off.
4-Hey baby i love u so much, im glad we r not fighting anymore. and i am happy u are there for me, but just remember u cant fix everyone.
5-Hey baby u rock my world! i love u and western civ rocks! lol
6- YAYAYAYA IM GONNA SEE U SOON!!!!! YAYAYAYAYYA
Things Left Unsaid *LA*
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theatregeek
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2127
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2003 4:36 pm
- Location: Nowhere of Importance
- Contact:
<3>Heidi<---<3
-------------------------------------------------------
Lie To me
Convince Me That I've Been Sick Forever
And All Of This
Will Make Sense When I Get Better
-------------------------------------------------------
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... t=#2889033 (my poem gallery)
*Hopeless*
-------------------------------------------------------
Lie To me
Convince Me That I've Been Sick Forever
And All Of This
Will Make Sense When I Get Better
-------------------------------------------------------
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... t=#2889033 (my poem gallery)
*Hopeless*
-
WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
1: I love you baby, please don't hurt yourself, I need you so much and your life is worth living!!!
2: I love you. And it hurts me so bad I bleed on the inside. Just so you can't see. Because I never want to hurt you. And never will.
2: I love you. And it hurts me so bad I bleed on the inside. Just so you can't see. Because I never want to hurt you. And never will.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>-
WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
*LANG* (PLEASE no IRL, you'll think you know what I'm talking about but it's not what you think)
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*
1: I'm so sorry. Yeah, I fucked up. A lot. I told you I'm a burden. And we both thought it was over, but it's not, because it's still there. I'm so insecure and you know it. You know I'm emotionally weak, but I somehow still made a "conscious decision" to do it?!?! No. I didn't. I made an unconscious decision to fall in love with you, and that's leading to my unconcious decisions to be weak and alone without you. And that's leading to my latest "decisions". I don't CHOOSE to live this way. It's all I have. I don't have you and I don't have anything. I told you I needed you, I TOLD you that. But I know I'm too much of a burden to get to be with you. It's my conscious decision to decide I need you. It's my conscious decision to decide that without you I would die. Please understand me, hold me in your arms, and I would never do anything again. As long as I knew you would be there, I would feel safe, and I would feel like I have some worth. Please. Please. I love you.
2: You do it to me, whether you know it or not. I've been advised not to speak to you. But I will, because I love you and care about you. And because I'm too weak to stand without you.
3: YOU WERE WRONG. I'm fine. Didn't need you to intervene, but ya did. Because you are so controlling.
4: DIE. DIE DIE DIE.
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1: I'm so sorry. Yeah, I fucked up. A lot. I told you I'm a burden. And we both thought it was over, but it's not, because it's still there. I'm so insecure and you know it. You know I'm emotionally weak, but I somehow still made a "conscious decision" to do it?!?! No. I didn't. I made an unconscious decision to fall in love with you, and that's leading to my unconcious decisions to be weak and alone without you. And that's leading to my latest "decisions". I don't CHOOSE to live this way. It's all I have. I don't have you and I don't have anything. I told you I needed you, I TOLD you that. But I know I'm too much of a burden to get to be with you. It's my conscious decision to decide I need you. It's my conscious decision to decide that without you I would die. Please understand me, hold me in your arms, and I would never do anything again. As long as I knew you would be there, I would feel safe, and I would feel like I have some worth. Please. Please. I love you.
2: You do it to me, whether you know it or not. I've been advised not to speak to you. But I will, because I love you and care about you. And because I'm too weak to stand without you.
3: YOU WERE WRONG. I'm fine. Didn't need you to intervene, but ya did. Because you are so controlling.
4: DIE. DIE DIE DIE.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>-
DiamondHeart
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2039
- Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 10:47 pm
- Location: San Antonio, Texas
- Contact:
Dia
J:
I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry for lying to you, for making everything up, for making you love someone like me I'm sorry you had to go through any pain at all for me, I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you, I hope you didn't care enough about me to let me....
Look, I'm out of your fucking life, you don't have to deal with me anymore. See this heart? YOU SEE THIS FUCKING HEART? It's still yours, just throw it away if you don't want it, just STOP STABBING IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! I'M GONE! I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE! I HAVEN'T EVEN *TOUCHED* YOU! I MADE UP A NEW FUCKING ONLINE JOURNAL SO YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO SEE ANYTHING ELSE I EVER DID!!! I NEVER POST ON AQ ANYMORE JUST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME AT ALL!!! I'M OUT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I'M DEAD TO YOU, LEAVE IT THAT WAY! STOP IT! It's just how you want it!!! You're so glad that I'm out of your life, GOOD! FINE! I'm OUT OF IT ALREADY! You got what you FUCKING WANTED, now just FORGET ABOUT ME!
Jesus, I still love you. I'd crawl back to you on my hands and knees, but you don't want anything to do with me.
You think you haven't hurt me?? You think I don't have plenty of scars from you? I would have DIED for you! I would have died for you in a heartbeat with a bloody smile on my face! You could have slit my throat and I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt!
I KNOW I LIED TO YOU. I. FUCKING. KNOW. THAT. I KNOW IT WAS WRONG, I KNOW THAT IS PLENTY REASON FOR YOU TO HAVE LEFT ME. I KNOW I HID A SHITLOAD OF STUFF FROM YOU.
I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I REGRET LOSING YOU, I AM SO SO SORRY...............
I still cry over you, I cry everytime I find something you gave me or about you. How can I still love you and you can't love me? I thought that our love was mutual, so how can you do that to me? That is deliberately hurting me. That is trying to cause me pain. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to make you cry- I'm not saying that I haven't, but every time I think about what I did to you I want to just die, to know that I did that to someone rips me up, if I knew how to fucking get over this I would but I don't know HOW TO. I don't KNOW. I can't understand it, I can't get past this, I know it's my fucking fault dammit, I know that, you don't have to shove it in my face like that....I know well enough it's my fault you hate me, ok??!! It hurts bad enough just watching you live your life and know I'm not in it, that my friends hear everyday how much I miss you while your friends probably don't even know I exist...
You want me to hurt? You want me to regret what I did? You want me to feel pain?
YOU HAVE. I ALREADY HURT, I ALREADY REGRET WHAT I DID TO YOU, I ALREADY FEEL SO MUCH PAIN I WANT TO DIE JUST TO MAKE IT END.
I already want to die, Joanne. I don't need the extra incentive. I'm not asking you to be nice to me, or to take me back, I just want you to know that if your ultimate goal is to make me hate myself, it's been
accomplished.
~Diamond~
I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry for lying to you, for making everything up, for making you love someone like me I'm sorry you had to go through any pain at all for me, I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you, I hope you didn't care enough about me to let me....
Look, I'm out of your fucking life, you don't have to deal with me anymore. See this heart? YOU SEE THIS FUCKING HEART? It's still yours, just throw it away if you don't want it, just STOP STABBING IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! I'M GONE! I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE! I HAVEN'T EVEN *TOUCHED* YOU! I MADE UP A NEW FUCKING ONLINE JOURNAL SO YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO SEE ANYTHING ELSE I EVER DID!!! I NEVER POST ON AQ ANYMORE JUST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME AT ALL!!! I'M OUT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I'M DEAD TO YOU, LEAVE IT THAT WAY! STOP IT! It's just how you want it!!! You're so glad that I'm out of your life, GOOD! FINE! I'm OUT OF IT ALREADY! You got what you FUCKING WANTED, now just FORGET ABOUT ME!
Jesus, I still love you. I'd crawl back to you on my hands and knees, but you don't want anything to do with me.
You think you haven't hurt me?? You think I don't have plenty of scars from you? I would have DIED for you! I would have died for you in a heartbeat with a bloody smile on my face! You could have slit my throat and I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt!
I KNOW I LIED TO YOU. I. FUCKING. KNOW. THAT. I KNOW IT WAS WRONG, I KNOW THAT IS PLENTY REASON FOR YOU TO HAVE LEFT ME. I KNOW I HID A SHITLOAD OF STUFF FROM YOU.
I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I REGRET LOSING YOU, I AM SO SO SORRY...............
I still cry over you, I cry everytime I find something you gave me or about you. How can I still love you and you can't love me? I thought that our love was mutual, so how can you do that to me? That is deliberately hurting me. That is trying to cause me pain. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to make you cry- I'm not saying that I haven't, but every time I think about what I did to you I want to just die, to know that I did that to someone rips me up, if I knew how to fucking get over this I would but I don't know HOW TO. I don't KNOW. I can't understand it, I can't get past this, I know it's my fucking fault dammit, I know that, you don't have to shove it in my face like that....I know well enough it's my fault you hate me, ok??!! It hurts bad enough just watching you live your life and know I'm not in it, that my friends hear everyday how much I miss you while your friends probably don't even know I exist...
You want me to hurt? You want me to regret what I did? You want me to feel pain?
YOU HAVE. I ALREADY HURT, I ALREADY REGRET WHAT I DID TO YOU, I ALREADY FEEL SO MUCH PAIN I WANT TO DIE JUST TO MAKE IT END.
I already want to die, Joanne. I don't need the extra incentive. I'm not asking you to be nice to me, or to take me back, I just want you to know that if your ultimate goal is to make me hate myself, it's been
accomplished.
~Diamond~
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
-Dory, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
"Good feeling's gone."
-Marlin, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
"Find a happy place, find a happy place, FIND A HAPPY PLACE!"
-Peach, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
-Dory, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
"Good feeling's gone."
-Marlin, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
"Find a happy place, find a happy place, FIND A HAPPY PLACE!"
-Peach, <i>Finding Nemo</i>
-
WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
1: Again, I fucked up. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that to you. I told you, I post here when I'm really hurting or really regretful of something. I love you to death, I love you so much, and yesterday I felt like you got really preachy and I was like, "JESUS CHRIST DON'T YOU SEE WHY I'M LIKE THIS?!?!?"I just want you to see that I don't choose to do it. I really don't, but it's all I have left. It's one of thoe things that, if everyone goes away, I fall back on. And I'm lonely. You're lonely. We both are, and you know how I feel. I'm really sorry I didn't find the best way to deal with it, and I'm sorry I don't have as much willpower as you. You inspire me, you know. You inspire me to be a better person, but it's so so difficult to be a better person. I want to be I really do, but I need someone to teach me how. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm weak. I don't want to be weak for you. I want to be strong to make sure you stay happy. I love you.
2: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DO TO THEM. Look at yourself, J. You're a mess. You're screwing up your life and your friend's. Get over it, you're an emotional burden and THAT'S why no one wants them.
2: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DO TO THEM. Look at yourself, J. You're a mess. You're screwing up your life and your friend's. Get over it, you're an emotional burden and THAT'S why no one wants them.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>-
racewithdeath
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 379
- Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 3:19 am
- Location: backstage
- Contact:
H- I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING. I NEED YOU SO MUCH! please try to understand that your the reason i can get up everyday...please dont leave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! your so awsome
"she thinks im crazy. and i am sometimes,
but when i ain't... i got more sense 'an any of
you. and right now, i ain't!!"
~Chicago(the play)
:blkstar::blkstar::redstar:
the past has left it's stain
now i feel the shame
i'll seize the day
if you take away
the chains of years today
~lifehouse
:blkstar::blkstar::redstar:
at times lifes unfair
and you know its plain to see
hey God i know im just a dot in this world
have you forgot about me?
~creed
but when i ain't... i got more sense 'an any of
you. and right now, i ain't!!"
~Chicago(the play)
:blkstar::blkstar::redstar:the past has left it's stain
now i feel the shame
i'll seize the day
if you take away
the chains of years today
~lifehouse
:blkstar::blkstar::redstar:at times lifes unfair
and you know its plain to see
hey God i know im just a dot in this world
have you forgot about me?
~creed
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WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
1: Oh my God, Oh my God, I started crying today in Drama after we talked, I'm crying now, I love you so much and now I know how it feels to hear that the person you love most on the planet SIed. I am so sorry, I will never cut again, I love you way too much to do that. I hate seeing you like this, I hate seeing you sad, it makes me want to die because I can't fix it and everything I say comes out wrong and I just want to hold you in my arms and let you know that everything will be okay, but you don't want that from me. I wish you did, I wish you could get over her so you could be happy and maybe then I could seek some comfort in knowing that you were okay. But for now I don't sleep, eat, breathe, or live without thinking about how sad you are, and it's tearing me apart. I can make you happy if you let me, and I want to more than I've ever wanted anything. Please be happy, but please don't try to hide your feelings from me.
2: "Hey, little shepard boy, wanna come over to MY hay bed?" I love you so much hun, I'm always waiting for 12:19 when I can go to English and watch you stick pens in your mouth!!!
3: You were really really bitchy today, and I'm really not surprised. We did our work, forgive us for getting along and having LIVES. Even he mentioned that I apologize to you wayyyy too much when I never do anything. But ya know what? I told him it was easier for me so we could stay friends. He said that's not the best idea but I ignored him. Get it? I IGNORED HIM FOR YOU. AND YET YOU STILL BITCH ME AND HIM OUT CONSTANTLY. You don't always mean to do it but please try to just leave us to whatever.
4: Creeeeeeeeeeeepy. CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY!!! How the hell am I gonna make enough money to have beautiful childrne with a guy like THAT?!?!?!
2: "Hey, little shepard boy, wanna come over to MY hay bed?" I love you so much hun, I'm always waiting for 12:19 when I can go to English and watch you stick pens in your mouth!!!
3: You were really really bitchy today, and I'm really not surprised. We did our work, forgive us for getting along and having LIVES. Even he mentioned that I apologize to you wayyyy too much when I never do anything. But ya know what? I told him it was easier for me so we could stay friends. He said that's not the best idea but I ignored him. Get it? I IGNORED HIM FOR YOU. AND YET YOU STILL BITCH ME AND HIM OUT CONSTANTLY. You don't always mean to do it but please try to just leave us to whatever.
4: Creeeeeeeeeeeepy. CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY!!! How the hell am I gonna make enough money to have beautiful childrne with a guy like THAT?!?!?!
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>
1. please stop, i love you, but i love 4 too. don't make me choose for you. but i'll still listen.
2. why do i suddenly miss you?
3. what happened...did he do something...oh no...
4. i love you but please, i have issues too...
5. god, let me lose weight, please..
6. you stupid fuck, lore, you'll never be pretty, you'll never pass your classes, you'll never do anything right.
2. why do i suddenly miss you?
3. what happened...did he do something...oh no...
4. i love you but please, i have issues too...
5. god, let me lose weight, please..
6. you stupid fuck, lore, you'll never be pretty, you'll never pass your classes, you'll never do anything right.
somewhere, over the rainbow way up high
there's a land that i heard of once in a lullaby
somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue
and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
someday i'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me...
somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
birds fly over the rainbow-
why, then oh why can't i?
0 days SI free
there's a land that i heard of once in a lullaby
somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue
and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
someday i'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me...
somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
birds fly over the rainbow-
why, then oh why can't i?
0 days SI free
-
Inwë Lessien
DH -- I know there's a helluva lot of shit between us, and that there's probably not anyway we could resurrect what we had in terms of a friendship. But...do you ever just wonder, momentarily, what would have happend if we'd stayed friends, if we'd managed to make it through all of the stupid stuff I pulled? This is just a minor extent of the hand of friendship...
E -- I love you, but sometimes I wonder where you are. Sometimes I wish I could read your mind, or that you weren't so cryptic. If you were, maybe I wouldn't have so many doubts. You're my world, now why can't I figure out if I'm part of yours or not?
Anna -- I love you, my baby-girl. Please take care of yourself; I can't loose you, baby.
Lissy -- I want to help you. Just tell me how? My heart is yours, always
Laura-lai -- You are more beautiful and smart and sweet than you give yourself credit for. I wish there were some way I could get you to know that...
Deskana -- I don't know what to do...help me?
S -- You fucking prick. I'm so glad I got over you and am not 'yours' anymore, because you're a love-'em-and-leave-'em style pimp, and I don't even want to be your whore. I don't know how you fooled me the first time.
E -- I love you, but sometimes I wonder where you are. Sometimes I wish I could read your mind, or that you weren't so cryptic. If you were, maybe I wouldn't have so many doubts. You're my world, now why can't I figure out if I'm part of yours or not?
Anna -- I love you, my baby-girl. Please take care of yourself; I can't loose you, baby.
Lissy -- I want to help you. Just tell me how? My heart is yours, always
Laura-lai -- You are more beautiful and smart and sweet than you give yourself credit for. I wish there were some way I could get you to know that...
Deskana -- I don't know what to do...help me?
S -- You fucking prick. I'm so glad I got over you and am not 'yours' anymore, because you're a love-'em-and-leave-'em style pimp, and I don't even want to be your whore. I don't know how you fooled me the first time.
-
theatregeek
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2127
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2003 4:36 pm
- Location: Nowhere of Importance
- Contact:
D-Ahhhh i know u know i like you. Im slowly falling for you more and more each day.....please, K doesnt like you, you know it.....im standing right in front of your face...
K-Baby you rock! i love you so much and im glad i get to see you now!!!!! You are my fav, granny ever!
A-A darling! You rock! i love you so much more than you will ever know.....be safe darling, u deaserve it.
J-Hurting yourself, hurts others....(i know im beong hyprocritical) you said u stopped, i was glad, cuz that meant i knew u weret hurting the way i was, i was happy to know u didnt have to deal with that pain......but now....i dunno.
Z-AHHHHH HAHAHAHA i dont care if u think he is hott, u r not making me jealous, i have moved on from you. and nothin will change my mind...nothing.
L-YAYAYAYA im gonna see u friday!!! *Does happy dance*
K-Baby you rock! i love you so much and im glad i get to see you now!!!!! You are my fav, granny ever!
A-A darling! You rock! i love you so much more than you will ever know.....be safe darling, u deaserve it.
J-Hurting yourself, hurts others....(i know im beong hyprocritical) you said u stopped, i was glad, cuz that meant i knew u weret hurting the way i was, i was happy to know u didnt have to deal with that pain......but now....i dunno.
Z-AHHHHH HAHAHAHA i dont care if u think he is hott, u r not making me jealous, i have moved on from you. and nothin will change my mind...nothing.
L-YAYAYAYA im gonna see u friday!!! *Does happy dance*
<3>Heidi<---<3
-------------------------------------------------------
Lie To me
Convince Me That I've Been Sick Forever
And All Of This
Will Make Sense When I Get Better
-------------------------------------------------------
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... t=#2889033 (my poem gallery)
*Hopeless*
-------------------------------------------------------
Lie To me
Convince Me That I've Been Sick Forever
And All Of This
Will Make Sense When I Get Better
-------------------------------------------------------
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... t=#2889033 (my poem gallery)
*Hopeless*
-
WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
If anyone IRL reads this, I am currently SOOOOO insane it's not even funny, so don't think I'm really going crazy I just feel miserable. Especially if you ever read this Keith, I'm sorry in advance, but I'm talking to Zach and going crazy so just ignore this.
I love you, I love you, I love you. And nothing's gonna happen with that. But I'm just gonna keep letting you know. I love you, I love you, I love you. You, the romantic one, do those three words mean nothing to you? I write so much yet I'm still so filled with emotion and I can't tell you, because then I'll just be weak to have not kept it in and I'll fuck up the friendship but in a little while I'm gonna stop caring what happens to the friendship because it's slowly becoming a plea for my sanity. I WANNA BE SANE KEITH, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!? Right now I definitely don't sound sane, and I'm probably not because I've been writing and writing all afternoon and I still feel so full, full of love, full of you, and I'm sick of it, I wanna empty all my emotion on to you so you can know what I feel like for one fucking day to know that when I look at you that that is how I'm feeling, but you'll never know. Because I'll never work up the courage to tell you. Are you happy now? Are you happy I live this way and you live blissfully unaware? I hope you're happy Keith, because I'm fucking miserable and you don't have ANY CLUE.
I love you, I love you, I love you. And nothing's gonna happen with that. But I'm just gonna keep letting you know. I love you, I love you, I love you. You, the romantic one, do those three words mean nothing to you? I write so much yet I'm still so filled with emotion and I can't tell you, because then I'll just be weak to have not kept it in and I'll fuck up the friendship but in a little while I'm gonna stop caring what happens to the friendship because it's slowly becoming a plea for my sanity. I WANNA BE SANE KEITH, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!? Right now I definitely don't sound sane, and I'm probably not because I've been writing and writing all afternoon and I still feel so full, full of love, full of you, and I'm sick of it, I wanna empty all my emotion on to you so you can know what I feel like for one fucking day to know that when I look at you that that is how I'm feeling, but you'll never know. Because I'll never work up the courage to tell you. Are you happy now? Are you happy I live this way and you live blissfully unaware? I hope you're happy Keith, because I'm fucking miserable and you don't have ANY CLUE.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>
*lang*please, no IRL. You'll think you know who Im talking to and what about but you'll be wrong.
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1&2: Please stop, at least stop long enough to look around at your family and realise the truth. I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend for you or hold things together anymore. You dont see what its doing to the family, you never ever stop long enough to see. You dont see me making jokes and trying to make sure 3s ok when you go again. One week you're there all the time, the next we hardly see you. You havent even fucking noticed Ive stopped!
3: Im sorry. I know I get angry with you to easily and Im sorry. You dont seem to notice how things have changed. I know I can't always be there when you need me but I try, I do care about you I just dont know how to show it.
4: Please call, please hear the truth through the lies. I dont want to lie to you, I need you so badly right now but I dont know how to ask for help, especially from you. Im scared Im going to lose you, I know I have to make a decision but either choice seems to mean I'll lose you.
5: Where would I be without you hunni, you're my saviour. You have no idea that you probably saved my life one or two times. Dont change, just keep being you. I know life isnt always great for you but Im always here for you, anytme.
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1&2: Please stop, at least stop long enough to look around at your family and realise the truth. I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend for you or hold things together anymore. You dont see what its doing to the family, you never ever stop long enough to see. You dont see me making jokes and trying to make sure 3s ok when you go again. One week you're there all the time, the next we hardly see you. You havent even fucking noticed Ive stopped!
3: Im sorry. I know I get angry with you to easily and Im sorry. You dont seem to notice how things have changed. I know I can't always be there when you need me but I try, I do care about you I just dont know how to show it.
4: Please call, please hear the truth through the lies. I dont want to lie to you, I need you so badly right now but I dont know how to ask for help, especially from you. Im scared Im going to lose you, I know I have to make a decision but either choice seems to mean I'll lose you.
5: Where would I be without you hunni, you're my saviour. You have no idea that you probably saved my life one or two times. Dont change, just keep being you. I know life isnt always great for you but Im always here for you, anytme.
J: 
So, you can gleefully tell me that you are moving out, when that's precisely the option you have denied me by your actions? And your reason for going is that "Mrs A stresses me"??!! Has it occurred to you that she might stress ME as well, and that not having you around makes it worse? And if you can be stressed by her five minute visits, should you not have some understanding that the continuous presence of S whom you invited might be a bit stressful for me?
I even told you how my day was at work - more stress of strangers in the office, but still you don't realise or don't care about the fact that all my safe spaces are gone.
I even spelled out to you that I don't feel I can go over to the new flat with S there, yet you don't even bother to tell me the times he will be out.
You know fine well that I'm frightened of J these days, but you are quite happy to go away and leave me alone with him and with nothing but a bare room to distract myself from my thoughts.
You just never think about anyone else do you?
When Jeremy yelled at me you didn't bother to sit with me and help me feel better - yet you made it clear later that you had noticed I was upset. No, no matter how I'm feeling you just go off to your room to do your own thing if that's what you want. All those times when you weren't too well and I sat and listened to you counts for nothing.
You never make me coffee.... gosh I'm embarrassed to admit this now but I often plan my tasks so as to be around at our late morning coffee time. But you just lie in when it suits you, or bugger off early without warning me of your plans or even knocking on my door to say goodbye. It makes me feel crap when you do that: not only have I slept late, but I've missed coffee as well and you have gone away and left.
Sometimes when I want a cup and you're out or asleep, I even make extra for you to heat up later - gosh what a doormat I am! Why do I bother, when you seldom even wash the cafetiere for next time?
Oh great, you are planning to attend morning service once Alpha starts. You've never been willing to do that when it suited me, no, I go to evening service to accomodate you. Even when I told you I didn't want to go to evening communion I distinctly remember you saying that "Weekends are MY time for sleeping in till midday". But it seems you're willing to change that *if it suits YOU*. And of course the thought that I might want to attend Alpha but would find it even more scary without you doesn't enter your head.
Gosh I feel really embarrassed that I am so weak and dependent and actually expect you to care about me
So, you are enthusiastic about moving us to BT Together - cos that suits you. It had to be pointed out to you that it's a very bad deal for me, and I had to *ask* you for a compromise. Why can't you just be considerate? And of course the fact that you hog the phone all the time so that nobody can ring me doesn't strike you as unfair either.
I get my family to provide us with furniture - you do realise what a big favour this is, given that they will be living in their old place until late November without all the stuff they are giving us? Yet when they were here you just kept saying things like "I need a lot of storage" and "I need somewhere to put my computer" - never saying anything like please or thanks you or "if you're sure that's all right?" - have you no *manners*?
I get my friend to bring his car to help us shift stuff - after you fret at me about moving yoru computer and apparently expected the removal van to make an extra trip!! Well that would cost extra obviously - my folks are paying for it as a favour again and refuse to tell me how much it is costing, not that I heard you offering to pay half anyway.
So I bake squares as a thankyou to James - didn't hear you offering to take care of that either.
I let you choose which room you wanted - I let you choose last time too, AND you considered swapping after we'd unpacked everything on the grounds that your room looked smaller after you'd nicked my desk and nearly took Jeremy's bookcase for yourself as well.
Filling in the forms recently - would have been nice to fill them in and post them together, but no.
You didn't remember my birthday, nor even send a Christmas card - yes you hastily wrote a non-Christmas card and rushed out and bought some coffee (ironic, no?) only cos I apparently guilt-tripped you when you found the card and gift from me. Sorry.
You are able to use buses now cos I helped you and accompanied you on the first few journeys - but when I'm afraid of going swimming you just give a point blank no.
Don't bother to come to a concert I've been rehearsing for three months, and that at a time when I was supposed to be your girlfriend!
You whinge endlessly about the stress of you one tutorial and about seeing your supervisor - I listen and I ask when you got home about how it went. But you seldom remember when I have not only tutorials and supervisor meetings but am giving lectures and even when I gave a seminar you forgot to ask how it went.
And the total ludicrousness of you bleating about your toe all the time when I have a third-degree burn up my ankle! Yeah mine was self-inflicted.... but hey I've heard toe problems are caused by poor hygiene, which in your case wouldn't surprise me.
When you have psych or Dr appointments I usually remember to ask how it went. But that time when I nearly got struck off by Dr D - again you mentioned that you had seen I was upset in the waiting room, but when I got home where were you?? In your room not giving a damn as usual. You even seemed surprised I was bothered by it "Oh, why were you "in a bad way"?" you said - I had to remind you how upset you were over the trivial matter of Sean leaving before you had any inkling that I might have valid reasons for my feelings.
Yeah so you rang the letting agents - thanks, you know that's hard for me. But I haven't noticed you ringing the electricity or TV licence folk - you just take for granted that I'll do everything for you.
Thanks heavens you at least had the courtesy to sit and drink coffee with James after all his help - though I had to prompt you to offer your milk.
It's petty, yes. As I Christian I should just go on giving and not expect any kindness or support in return and keep no record of wrongs. But instead I am an unforgiving auld witch I suppose. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I had expected better from you, I wanted to be friends, I thought maybe your cared
I can't imagine you are about to change your ways, but just for the record I want you to know that you are a selfish bastard and I pity anyone who ends up sharing their life with you.
So, you can gleefully tell me that you are moving out, when that's precisely the option you have denied me by your actions? And your reason for going is that "Mrs A stresses me"??!! Has it occurred to you that she might stress ME as well, and that not having you around makes it worse? And if you can be stressed by her five minute visits, should you not have some understanding that the continuous presence of S whom you invited might be a bit stressful for me?
I even told you how my day was at work - more stress of strangers in the office, but still you don't realise or don't care about the fact that all my safe spaces are gone.
I even spelled out to you that I don't feel I can go over to the new flat with S there, yet you don't even bother to tell me the times he will be out.
You know fine well that I'm frightened of J these days, but you are quite happy to go away and leave me alone with him and with nothing but a bare room to distract myself from my thoughts.
You just never think about anyone else do you?
When Jeremy yelled at me you didn't bother to sit with me and help me feel better - yet you made it clear later that you had noticed I was upset. No, no matter how I'm feeling you just go off to your room to do your own thing if that's what you want. All those times when you weren't too well and I sat and listened to you counts for nothing.
You never make me coffee.... gosh I'm embarrassed to admit this now but I often plan my tasks so as to be around at our late morning coffee time. But you just lie in when it suits you, or bugger off early without warning me of your plans or even knocking on my door to say goodbye. It makes me feel crap when you do that: not only have I slept late, but I've missed coffee as well and you have gone away and left.
Sometimes when I want a cup and you're out or asleep, I even make extra for you to heat up later - gosh what a doormat I am! Why do I bother, when you seldom even wash the cafetiere for next time?
Oh great, you are planning to attend morning service once Alpha starts. You've never been willing to do that when it suited me, no, I go to evening service to accomodate you. Even when I told you I didn't want to go to evening communion I distinctly remember you saying that "Weekends are MY time for sleeping in till midday". But it seems you're willing to change that *if it suits YOU*. And of course the thought that I might want to attend Alpha but would find it even more scary without you doesn't enter your head.
Gosh I feel really embarrassed that I am so weak and dependent and actually expect you to care about me
So, you are enthusiastic about moving us to BT Together - cos that suits you. It had to be pointed out to you that it's a very bad deal for me, and I had to *ask* you for a compromise. Why can't you just be considerate? And of course the fact that you hog the phone all the time so that nobody can ring me doesn't strike you as unfair either.
I get my family to provide us with furniture - you do realise what a big favour this is, given that they will be living in their old place until late November without all the stuff they are giving us? Yet when they were here you just kept saying things like "I need a lot of storage" and "I need somewhere to put my computer" - never saying anything like please or thanks you or "if you're sure that's all right?" - have you no *manners*?
I get my friend to bring his car to help us shift stuff - after you fret at me about moving yoru computer and apparently expected the removal van to make an extra trip!! Well that would cost extra obviously - my folks are paying for it as a favour again and refuse to tell me how much it is costing, not that I heard you offering to pay half anyway.
So I bake squares as a thankyou to James - didn't hear you offering to take care of that either.
I let you choose which room you wanted - I let you choose last time too, AND you considered swapping after we'd unpacked everything on the grounds that your room looked smaller after you'd nicked my desk and nearly took Jeremy's bookcase for yourself as well.
Filling in the forms recently - would have been nice to fill them in and post them together, but no.
You didn't remember my birthday, nor even send a Christmas card - yes you hastily wrote a non-Christmas card and rushed out and bought some coffee (ironic, no?) only cos I apparently guilt-tripped you when you found the card and gift from me. Sorry.
You are able to use buses now cos I helped you and accompanied you on the first few journeys - but when I'm afraid of going swimming you just give a point blank no.
Don't bother to come to a concert I've been rehearsing for three months, and that at a time when I was supposed to be your girlfriend!
You whinge endlessly about the stress of you one tutorial and about seeing your supervisor - I listen and I ask when you got home about how it went. But you seldom remember when I have not only tutorials and supervisor meetings but am giving lectures and even when I gave a seminar you forgot to ask how it went.
And the total ludicrousness of you bleating about your toe all the time when I have a third-degree burn up my ankle! Yeah mine was self-inflicted.... but hey I've heard toe problems are caused by poor hygiene, which in your case wouldn't surprise me.
When you have psych or Dr appointments I usually remember to ask how it went. But that time when I nearly got struck off by Dr D - again you mentioned that you had seen I was upset in the waiting room, but when I got home where were you?? In your room not giving a damn as usual. You even seemed surprised I was bothered by it "Oh, why were you "in a bad way"?" you said - I had to remind you how upset you were over the trivial matter of Sean leaving before you had any inkling that I might have valid reasons for my feelings.
Yeah so you rang the letting agents - thanks, you know that's hard for me. But I haven't noticed you ringing the electricity or TV licence folk - you just take for granted that I'll do everything for you.
Thanks heavens you at least had the courtesy to sit and drink coffee with James after all his help - though I had to prompt you to offer your milk.
It's petty, yes. As I Christian I should just go on giving and not expect any kindness or support in return and keep no record of wrongs. But instead I am an unforgiving auld witch I suppose. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I had expected better from you, I wanted to be friends, I thought maybe your cared
I can't imagine you are about to change your ways, but just for the record I want you to know that you are a selfish bastard and I pity anyone who ends up sharing their life with you.
<center>
I feel <a href="http://www.imood.com/users/snail"><img src="http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=sn ... /imood.gif" alt="The current mood of snail at imood.com" border="0"></a>
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I feel <a href="http://www.imood.com/users/snail"><img src="http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=sn ... /imood.gif" alt="The current mood of snail at imood.com" border="0"></a>
<a href="http://www.irrepressible.info"><img src="http://uk.geocities.com/floor_sitter/im ... nner_5.gif" alt="Irrepressible.info"></a></center>
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WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
1: Yeah I'm still here. Sorry to be though. Did you see our silouette in the spotlight today? You were holding me close, and I looked over, and our shadow was on the wall, and it looked so right. I wish you had seen and felt the same thing. But what am I thinking? It will never happen.
2: ENGLISH. OH MY GOD I WAS GONNA DIE LAUGHING. That was soooo funny, me and you and him holding up signs...I flout you!!!! Haha love ya baby, hope you're doing okay.
3: Don't flout me in class anymore haha. THanks for letting me rant last night. I know you think I'm crazy now but I probably partially am.
2: ENGLISH. OH MY GOD I WAS GONNA DIE LAUGHING. That was soooo funny, me and you and him holding up signs...I flout you!!!! Haha love ya baby, hope you're doing okay.
3: Don't flout me in class anymore haha. THanks for letting me rant last night. I know you think I'm crazy now but I probably partially am.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>
Jess- I know you think you're the only person who got hurt in our "friendship" but you weren't. You made my life living hell and I'm so glad I moved away from you (figuratively and literally) and can see that. I don't like you as a person. There, I admitted it to myself. I hate what you did to me and Juston, and to Juston, and to you. Stop using the same old tired arguments and guilt trips on me- I stopped bringing up the past when it happened and so should you. Digging at a wound doesn't heal it. I have never said anything to you so I'll go on. Stop seeing what you do and what I do as so different when they're the same. I don't want to hear about your problems anymore. That's it. Oh, and I never cut cuz you did. We were friends because we had similar problems, not surprising we had similar "solutions".
Juston- Well we made some choices. I have forgiven yours, I hope you've forgiven mine. You were my best friend and I love you (platonically- get off my case Jessie!) I hope someday we can reconnect, you're unique. What time we did have, it was great. You can be a dumbass but you're usually on target. You were right about cutting by the way. But wrong about mental illness....
Aaron- why are you on this list? why do you haunt me? we broke up forever ago, and you were a shitty boyfriend, but some sort of caring for you has stuck. You even have a fiancee now, why do you need me to take care of you? or do I need to take care of you?
Kelsey- I love you more than anything on earth. If you ever need anything...hell, you know this. I know we haven't always been tight, but we're making up for lost time. You're my girl. I'm glad your friends use me for a big sister too. You are always more important than whatever comes up. I'm sorry you have this ridiculous illness.
Mom- Glad the Paxil and my moving out has calmed you down. Hate the way you've made me feel but love you. Try to relax.
Dad- I have never doubted that you loved me; okay that once when the garage door came down on the truck but not for more than a few hours. Not even when you were so scared and sad and I'll never forget the look in your green eyes when you looked at my wrist and were still glad to know.
Lucy- I love you. You are one of my favorite people in the world. I will never forget how patient you were when I explained bipolar and you didn't freak out like before. I will always try to be there for you. Try.
Juli- for God's sake move out of your parents house.
Laura- I have found God in a whole new way because of you. You are my blessing. I love you.
Juston- Well we made some choices. I have forgiven yours, I hope you've forgiven mine. You were my best friend and I love you (platonically- get off my case Jessie!) I hope someday we can reconnect, you're unique. What time we did have, it was great. You can be a dumbass but you're usually on target. You were right about cutting by the way. But wrong about mental illness....
Aaron- why are you on this list? why do you haunt me? we broke up forever ago, and you were a shitty boyfriend, but some sort of caring for you has stuck. You even have a fiancee now, why do you need me to take care of you? or do I need to take care of you?
Kelsey- I love you more than anything on earth. If you ever need anything...hell, you know this. I know we haven't always been tight, but we're making up for lost time. You're my girl. I'm glad your friends use me for a big sister too. You are always more important than whatever comes up. I'm sorry you have this ridiculous illness.
Mom- Glad the Paxil and my moving out has calmed you down. Hate the way you've made me feel but love you. Try to relax.
Dad- I have never doubted that you loved me; okay that once when the garage door came down on the truck but not for more than a few hours. Not even when you were so scared and sad and I'll never forget the look in your green eyes when you looked at my wrist and were still glad to know.
Lucy- I love you. You are one of my favorite people in the world. I will never forget how patient you were when I explained bipolar and you didn't freak out like before. I will always try to be there for you. Try.
Juli- for God's sake move out of your parents house.
Laura- I have found God in a whole new way because of you. You are my blessing. I love you.
We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
Jess- I talked to him last night. Bite me. My choice.
Juston- I loved talking to you. It was great. You're an ass but still.
Kelsey- Please work around Mom. She's crazy. It's ok.
Mom- I have screamed in my journal at you so many times. But it's better now.
Dad- you're my hero. I'm never getting married because where will I find someone who treats me as good as you?
Lucy- I said I would try. But I WILL. Anything.
Juli- for God's sake move out of your parents house. And I love that you're funny even when you don't mean to be.
Laura- I know you love me even when you don't say it. You're awesome.
Angela- please don't worry about me. Just be my friend.
J, S, C- I don't have your bond. I can't get in it. I like you guys a lot, but I feel like an accessory. I feel unnoticed. And I hate it.
Juston- I loved talking to you. It was great. You're an ass but still.
Kelsey- Please work around Mom. She's crazy. It's ok.
Mom- I have screamed in my journal at you so many times. But it's better now.
Dad- you're my hero. I'm never getting married because where will I find someone who treats me as good as you?
Lucy- I said I would try. But I WILL. Anything.
Juli- for God's sake move out of your parents house. And I love that you're funny even when you don't mean to be.
Laura- I know you love me even when you don't say it. You're awesome.
Angela- please don't worry about me. Just be my friend.
J, S, C- I don't have your bond. I can't get in it. I like you guys a lot, but I feel like an accessory. I feel unnoticed. And I hate it.
Last edited by Scarlett on Fri Sep 26, 2003 5:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
I know this is three in a row, but I have a lot on my chest.
Mike & Angela- get off my case. Please. I know you actually care and it's not just liability, but I can't report to my hall director after every therapist appt. I can't. Ang, I'm not mad at you you did what you thought best. But I don't do things with people on my back. I can't. Please relax.
Mike & Angela- get off my case. Please. I know you actually care and it's not just liability, but I can't report to my hall director after every therapist appt. I can't. Ang, I'm not mad at you you did what you thought best. But I don't do things with people on my back. I can't. Please relax.
Last edited by Scarlett on Fri Sep 26, 2003 5:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
Romans 5:3-4
I act like shit don't faze me / Inside it drives me crazy / My insecurities could eat me alive
-Eminem
You can't fight the tears that ain't coming... / yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
-"Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
HUGS DO NOTHING FOR ME. I do appreciate support.
-
WickedWitchElphie
- growing roots
- Posts: 759
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Center stage
Bad memories of SI and SU (LANG)
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1: I must be going crazy, I get so overprotective because of what happened last time, I can't be hurt that way again, no SI would ever be as painful as that was for me...and you don't even understand. You never did, because you were so wrapped up in her. Now it doesn't really matter if you understood because it's over but I could recall the pain in a second. One second is all it takes for me to go back to that night, July 12th I believe, a Tuesday night, when you told me. When I held a knife to my chest and hoped I had enough strength to push it through my skin and into my heart, but then stupid Dad walked in. If you had any fucking idea how much pain I went through over that day and the following day, maybe you'd show a little more compassion. I'm reliving it now that I brought it up. ODing on Benadryl, cutting cutting cutting, crying crying crying, and relasping throughout the day. You had no idea, I couldn't even talk to you without wanting to kill myself. And now I see you everyday, and want to cry when I look at you, because I wanna be with you so badly and you have no clue. And never will, because the only people who know I hurt so badly are myself and Zach. Isn't that sad? I was so upset I ranted to my ex-boyfriend? VERY EX?!?!? Like, so long ago, and all the fighting and pain I went through with him, and now he cares, and you don't.
2: Thank GOD I have you, you make me happy (surprisingly). Even after all the fighting, it brought us closer. Thank you for everything.
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1: I must be going crazy, I get so overprotective because of what happened last time, I can't be hurt that way again, no SI would ever be as painful as that was for me...and you don't even understand. You never did, because you were so wrapped up in her. Now it doesn't really matter if you understood because it's over but I could recall the pain in a second. One second is all it takes for me to go back to that night, July 12th I believe, a Tuesday night, when you told me. When I held a knife to my chest and hoped I had enough strength to push it through my skin and into my heart, but then stupid Dad walked in. If you had any fucking idea how much pain I went through over that day and the following day, maybe you'd show a little more compassion. I'm reliving it now that I brought it up. ODing on Benadryl, cutting cutting cutting, crying crying crying, and relasping throughout the day. You had no idea, I couldn't even talk to you without wanting to kill myself. And now I see you everyday, and want to cry when I look at you, because I wanna be with you so badly and you have no clue. And never will, because the only people who know I hurt so badly are myself and Zach. Isn't that sad? I was so upset I ranted to my ex-boyfriend? VERY EX?!?!? Like, so long ago, and all the fighting and pain I went through with him, and now he cares, and you don't.
2: Thank GOD I have you, you make me happy (surprisingly). Even after all the fighting, it brought us closer. Thank you for everything.
<center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I KP*</center>
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost...
How can someone like you love someone like me?
*I
KP*</center>-
Electric Sunday
- orange smartie
- Posts: 1660
- Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2003 11:50 pm
- Location: UK
ok so this is more positive than negative, but it's still things I don't want to say to people's faces (for the most part cos I know they wouldn't appreciate me saying it...)
Gra: I know you don't know, but you have the sense to understand that you don't. Cheers mate
Megs: Don't fucking tell me I'm a lightweight just cos I get tired easily, and don't like clubs, and often don't want to get drunk. You've said in the past I can talk to you about stuff but when you act like that all you do is make me feel lke shit. There are things going on with me that you have no idea about, and if ever there came an occasion when there was me and you alone in a room and you wree sober, I might explain a bit more. I also want to apologise for coming across as a moody twat most of the time...if I could do anything about it then I would, and I do try. I just wish people knew that
Sam: Thanks for not asking
Gem: thanks for everything...I know I can say that to your face right now but it means so much that now I can talk to you
Boo: I do love you, you know that no matter what we've said in the past. I am so proud of you for what you've achieved and I hope you have the best 4 years of your life coming up. Just don't forget about me pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
To whom it may concern: However much I may try to concince myself that i should hate you, I don't. But if you don't accept the fact that people around you (or not around you, as the case me be) care (still) then maybe what your mum said will be true? just a thought...
Gra: I know you don't know, but you have the sense to understand that you don't. Cheers mate
Megs: Don't fucking tell me I'm a lightweight just cos I get tired easily, and don't like clubs, and often don't want to get drunk. You've said in the past I can talk to you about stuff but when you act like that all you do is make me feel lke shit. There are things going on with me that you have no idea about, and if ever there came an occasion when there was me and you alone in a room and you wree sober, I might explain a bit more. I also want to apologise for coming across as a moody twat most of the time...if I could do anything about it then I would, and I do try. I just wish people knew that
Sam: Thanks for not asking
Gem: thanks for everything...I know I can say that to your face right now but it means so much that now I can talk to you
Boo: I do love you, you know that no matter what we've said in the past. I am so proud of you for what you've achieved and I hope you have the best 4 years of your life coming up. Just don't forget about me pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
To whom it may concern: However much I may try to concince myself that i should hate you, I don't. But if you don't accept the fact that people around you (or not around you, as the case me be) care (still) then maybe what your mum said will be true? just a thought...
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