Things Left Unsaid v.7

[PokemonGeek]

I don’t think that I’ll ever know why you started to hate me and abandon me literally a week after my mom died. I keep blaming myself for it. I’ve been afraid to let others get to know me because I’m afraid that they will hate me too once they get to know me. The thing is there are tons of resources and support for grieving the death of a loved one but where is support for grieving the loss of a friend. You can be prepared for death but never be ready for losing friendship.

[treasure]

I don't want to see you. I think if i told you that i'd be guilt-tripped by tears and sad pleas. I wish my sis said no when you invited yourself over. I dread you touching me. I know i can get through it all and maybe even have pleasant conversation but it isn't healthy.

[Spidey]

Yeah, I did want it. It also brought back memories and stuff I worked really hard to keep down.

But he's right. It's not mine to have. I want it, but it's his. It has to be. So I'll make a copy of it on the printer.

[Spidey]

Don't come to me when she inevitably lets you down.

[desperateforgrace]

I can't do this without you anymore. You HAVE to come back! Just your presence motivated me to work hard and always do the best I can. I have tried so damn hard to put you out of my mind, but I can't. I love you too much! I promise I will make sure our SM knows how much of a gem you were to the whole company! You were one of the most amazing people I have ever met! Thank God I realized this before it was nearly too late. Now, you are gone...Yes, I still have a few people that know how hard it is without you like Ted. But not many even give a damn about you being gone....much less me. I promise if you come back, I will make sure management and associates alike give you the highest form of respect...not the crap that you got last time around.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

[Spidey]

Fuck you and what you did to Binary Star, also, I don't think there is ant coming back from this.

[Spidey]

Dad would never in a million years let you act like this. He would have shut your N bullshit down just as soon as it started, and never allowed you to alienate my brother from us, and so much more.

You are a cluster B clusterfuck of 110% pure asshole, and honestly...if you fuck this up, I'm gone, too.

Because your untreated mental illnesses are going to ruin the lives of seven people.

And I won't let that happen.

You can be the perfect victim, the perfect martyr, you can live in the testament of how the world has ~*~wronged~*~ you in this house, you can squall and sob to social media and your few friends who haven't had enough of your untreated mental health about how "you've been left", you can have this fucking house and all the bullshit that comes with living with it...err...you, that's right, congrats. This was and is the only thing that has been important to you and we're all just guests here. All must bow down to your Almighty Temple of victimhood known as this house.

As you say to me: "get over yourself".

Back at you.

Because you are going to find yourself completely ALONE.

But hey, what's family you can't control? Not when you have a sob story to manipulate...errr...tell people about!

[desperateforgrace]

[redacted]

[Spidey]

Dad, I need you. I need you so much right now and you are gone please tell me how the heck to get through this how to cope how to deal what to do please

[PokemonGeek]

Dear M,

Tomorrow is your birthday and I still think about you and wonder how you are doing? There’s so much I want to ask you and tell you but I don’t know if you’ll be sober enough to listen to me and not to attack me somehow making yourself the victim in the process. Why did you keep insisting I had an addiction problem that never existed? Why did you insist on making me your personal scapegoat? When did you start resenting me? These are questions I ask myself everyday. I don’t blame your abuse on you. I have always blamed the alcohol. I forgive you for what you said and did to me but I just need to know why you did them? Why did you always act like you had no choice when you taking care of me and had opportunities to walk away from me when you didn’t? Why did you insist on ”spanking” over things I did that didn’t even matter or were never wrong with in the first place? How was it my fault whenever you had and argument with your boyfriend? I just want to hear your reasoning. I’m afraid of directly contacting you because I don’t know what you’ll do to me or how you’ll react towards me or if you are going to be sober and all of that scares me. I was constantly walking on eggshells because I was terrified of making you upset. You always yelled at me and punished me for extremely trivial things such as missing a tiny spot when dusting or not calling you before I went to check on the mail. You were always concerned that I was being held back and I was because you were the one that was holding me back. You always took away anything that made me happy and told me a lie about why I couldn’t have them. You were always so big on me taking responsibility for things that I did wrong and being honest literally all the time yet you never did those things. Everything wrong in your life was always my fault somehow. For years I blamed myself for ruining your life and I saw myself as a curse to anyone who came in contact with me and I was terrified that I’d ruin their lives too just like how you said I ruined yours. I never asked my mom to leave my dad. I didn’t do anything to make her leave. But you made me feel like I caused it. I just want some answers so I can get some closure. I do wish the best for you but I will not talk to you unless you get the help you so desperately need and attend AA meetings regularly and you stay sober.

[Spidey]

I am tired of all of this shit

[Spidey]

If you say that you don't trust anyone except for a certain person (understandable) and another friend, and not me, with whom you are supposedly in a relationship with, then there is no reason to continue this and there is definitely no reason for me to reply to any of your messages to me. Because I don't want to get shit on from you about why I am not able to do this, that and the other in the middle of a pandemic.

I don't care about you, you don't trust me, I am wrong and bad. This is what you have said for the last three weeks.

That's alright. You feel what you feel. But I feel things, too - and that's hurt. But it won't count. Because it never fucking does.

I think we are done here.
You just said all you needed to say to hit the nuke button.
Congrats, self-fulfilling prophecy.

I wish you well.
Not even going to bring up how hurt I am.

There's no point.

It doesn't matter.


It's not like you care.

[desperateforgrace]

TO RL people: I was only useful to you when I gave you what YOU wanted. Now that I have nothing--no job to go to, no in person church services, and nothing of emotional support left to offer, and I need YOUR help, you leave me. I begged and pleaded for your help, but I was too much of a burden to you. Then, you will wonder why I have disappeared from your life. And you will regret every single minute you could have even talked to me--but didn't. But it will be too fucking late already.

[Sea Air]

You can't, simply can't, expect me to be ok with what you said to me. That was a reprehensible thing for someone as critical and intelligent as you to do. It hurts me so so much that you did that, especially given the patience and benefit of the doubt I have *always* shown you. It was an honour to spend so much time in your company when we were younger. I miss you so so much. I have for a long time. My door will always be open to you, but I will not reach out to you without, at the very least, some acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Love you, man.