Dealing with anger?

[StarChild]

My number one SI trigger is anger. It's like I want to lash out at the other person, but I can't, so I lash out at myself. I know this. But it still happens.

For example, a few minutes ago my roommate asked me if I could clean the bathroom. I was supposed to 2 days ago, and I didn't do it, and honestly I didn't really give a s**t (I've been sick and anxious and depressed for days and i have trouble giving a s**t about anything when I'm going through that). But she asked me.

And I got so mad.

Because she's right. Because I can't function. Because I'm worthless. See? Her one (honestly pretty polite) question/reminder triggered so much in me. It also triggers fear, because I'm terrified that I'll get sent back to group-home-level housing (horrible) or even kicked out (truly 100% unbearable).

I cleaned the bathroom but like...I'm still a wreck. I'm so mad that she is so much "lower functioning" than me, but in this one way I'm not functional at all. I take it really personally and I feel awful and I want to cut.

So that's basically just one example of what I often feel: anger and fear, and that makes me want to cut. My therapist says that when I'm angry, it really means I'm scared or threatened. I agree, but ugh it's just so hard to let this all go. I just celebrated a year without cutting and now I REALLY want to.

How do you let go of anger? How do you let go of fear? And how do you cope when you feel inferior and threatened?

xx Jay

[acdcrocker1909]

oooooohh... This is something I know probably a little too well. I use anger to avoid dealing with things, to hide fear, and as a defense mechanism.

I have a few different ways of dealing with anger. When mine is set off by other people being dumb and projecting their issues onto me I have a post it from my therapist on my phone at work that says "Whose issue is it?" It's a way to remind myself if it is not my issue, I can let roll and I need to remember that.

Now.. when it's me angry at me for whatever reason... that's a different ballgame. It is a lot harder. I try to distract myself out of the anger/fear. Or I write it out and decide if I am going to go over it with my therapist, but usually writing it out and seeing it on the page can help with that.

This stuff is so not easy.. I'm still figuring things out.