Secrets and more (please stay safe)

[bearcat]

What is your secret?
I don't even know if it's appropriate to call it a secret.
But... my secret is that I think that I know how my relationship with a certain person is going to go and it's the most painful thing that I think has ever happened to me. Even though he says he is unclear, I'm pretty sure that he already has decided what the boundaries are with me, and that nothing is going to change his feelings. Because feelings are the most important thing, and he has feelings for me and feelings for her and even though I am so important tohim, and his feelings for me make him not want to have feelings for her, I think that he is going to eep seeing her and that it's going to turn into something significant.

Why is it a secret?
Because even though I sort of explained to him what I think, I didn't let on how completely convinced I am, and my rationale for it, and why I am right about it, and what it means for our lives.

What are your feelings about this secret?
I can't handle it. I can't deal with how my life is going to change. I want to talk to him so badly, but we're not supposed to be talking right now so he can have time to think. But what's the point in giving him time when I think that I already now what the results will be. I'm just running out of time and this is the most painful thing ever. I am being crushed.

Why are you telling this secret now?
Because I have noone to talk to about it and I feel so out of control and I feel like I am just waiting and will be waiting a long time and the world as I know it is ending and I am helpless, because I can't change anything.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I have left messages for people- just to hang out to not be alone.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I will talk about it with my brother.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
I am so alone that it's crazy.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
I don't know. I think that there are no words for losing your best friend, for changes in feelings for situations like this. I think that I would just hold their hand.

PM's are okay.

[munchalot11]

What is your secret?
I still feel like there's something I need from him. I think he SA-d me.
Why is it a secret?
Because people keep telling me I shouldnt talk to him.
What are your feelings about this secret?
Confused. I dont know what to do.
Why are you telling this secret now?
To see if saying anything makes me feel any better.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I dont know. I could text him at any point. But I dont know if it would do any good.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
Probably. But I'm scared
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Erm.... Dont know, probably not...
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
Just talk to them. You can stop at any point.

[screamed_silence]

What is your secret? I think I am starting to question my sexuality (as in, not as straight as I always say I am)

Why is it a secret? Sexuality is a big deal and I don't want to take it lightly. It's really a secret because my dad, his side of the family, and most of my mom's would totally reject me. I'd feel terrible knowing that they don't approve of my lifestyle, would never accept my partner, or want to develop a relationship with my kids (if I have them).

What are your feelings about this secret? Terrified- this could completely change my home life. I don't have to come out any time soon, and I don't even know if I'm just going through a confused phase or what, but I am close to being totally independent. This could change the way a lot of people think about me. I could lose friends or even contacts in my industry (work). I could be shunned by my church. I could be kicked out of a leadership position. Basically, I could lose a lot depending on where this introspection takes me.

Why are you telling this secret now? I can't handle the constant mental interrogation. I need a third party to hear me out and help me talk this out. Thinking about it so much is making me anxious.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? I could calm down and seriously explore this in a safe place, like telling the secret here and creating a workshop thread to ask people's input. Having them ask me questions and thinking out the answers would help my own mental processes.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? I don't know if there is anyone IRL i want to talk to about this yet. It's very early on and I don't want to talk about it if it's not a very likely thing. I feel like BUS is a safe place to talk about this, or at least explore what is making me question my sexuality.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? Not at all. Which is what makes me feel so guilty, because people younger than me are comfortable with their sexualities and come out all the time, bravely facing stigma. I am so proud of them but so afraid to do it myself one day, if I need to.

What would you say to someone else with this secret? You are most definitely not alone. Talking to someone about this might help you sort out your feelings. There's no rush to identify yourself or label yourself. You don't have to figure this all out at once, but allowing yourself to gently explore the idea can help.

(When I am up to it, I think I will start a workshop thread and post this there, and then start the discussion. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it right now.)

[angellove21]

PMs are fine
**** SI Triggers i think******





What is your secret? I can't cut deep enough

Why is it a secret? because everyone in my real life thinks i stop, but i only stopped for a couple monthes, and now i can't cut deep enough, i use to be able to cut deep.

What are your feelings about this secret? I'm ashamed of it. And i don't want to hurt my family and friends by telling them this

Why are you telling this secret now? I have to tell someone

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? I don't think so

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? If i could it would be my Best Friend, but then im afraid it would ruin our friendship

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? I don't think so

What would you say to someone else with this secret? Find someone to talk to here on BUS or in RL

[sweetnessandlight]

What is your secret? I want someone to see the vulnerable child within me and understand and take care of her.

Why is it a secret? I don't want people to know that I'm weak and damaged, so it would be very hard for me to admit to someone that I want this. I need people to see me as together so that they will respect me.

What are your feelings about this secret? Embarrassment.

Why are you telling this secret now? Because this is an anonymous forum.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? Not sure.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? My boyfriend, maybe. He knows about the SI and has been very supportive in the past when I was doing it more. It's hard to admit to him when I'm feeling weak and want someone to take care of me, but when I do he is always there for me.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? No, I bet lots of people feel the way I do.

What would you say to someone else with this secret? I would say that it's understandable that we all want someone to take care of us sometimes, and that it's very possible to achieve that without being overly needy or losing respect.

[Descent]

What is your secret?
I have an eating disorder.

Why is it a secret?
I don't want people to worry about me. I'm ashamed..

What are your feelings about this secret?
I just don't want it to get any worse.

Why are you telling this secret now?
I don't really know.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I SO wish that I could.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I have one friend who understands and she helps a lot, but no one knows the extent of how it's taken over my life. I would open up to a counselor about it but I don't have a counselor anymore.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Of course not.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
That I understand and they're beautiful and I'm there for them.

[secret_writer]

What is your secret?
So many. The biggest one being that I'm bisexual.

Why is it a secret?
I have been raised in a religious home, with all religious, homophobic family members- distant, and close. Many of my friends have also been raised to believe it's wrong.

What are your feelings about this secret?
I'm sick of living this way, in a lie. And even more so, of biting my lip, to keep these feelings inside. I am sick of feeling like everything I am is wrong. Of doubting my faith because of my sexuality.

Why are you telling this secret now?
Because this is an anonymous forum, and no one IRL knows that I am on this forum.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
Not really. Coming out would basically mean getting disowned. It's actually almost better to keep it a secret.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
The thing is, I've told my best friends. And some of them really flipped out on me for it.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
No, I know I'm not.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
That they are not alone, and never will be. If they need to talk, I'm here. I'll try my best to understand because I've been there and still am.

[swirlish]

Bumping this.