Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[Chaocontrol6]

Please understand that I NEVER want to hurt you, genuinly. I sometimes remain quiet because I love you, always have done and always will do, that's never changing <3

[capricorn]

Goddammit he doesn't even use that room except for the two hours a week he's teaching in there! There is nothing in there of his! And my watch! FFS

[Chey]

wow, um I feel like I can tell for sure that something is wrong with things in your life right now. I am not sure if you are aware of how negitive you are. I don't know how to tell you or ask you whats up. I want to say something but I need advice on how to be upfront and tactful and respectful too. I want to explain without putting you in defense mode. I just find your negitivity makes me want to stay away from you cause it just drains everything out of me. I know I should say 'something' but I wish someone else would do it for me.

[DecemberLivy]

Sometimes I feel like we are drifting apart like tectonic plates, ever so slowly but surely. We met in my year of complete hedonism, no work, all play, all pleasure and no consequences. I loved experiencing that with you, but I can't do that anymore. You say I judge you every time you say you want to pick up, and I suppose thats true to some extent. Yes recreational use is still fun, but I don't want to do it all the time anymore. You still do. I love you but you are nothing if not lazy and self indulgent. If our situations had been reversed, I never would have had a session the night before you came back to Brighton. I would have wanted to make sure I was awake and well to meet you at the station and go into town, ESPECIALLY if you had asked me to (which I did). But you put your pleasure above everything, even above the person you love. Every time you disappoint me I think I am an idiot because you have disappointed me hundreds of times before but I still invest my entire heart in you. I can't stop loving you, ever, but I resent how much control you have over me. I am a weak, dependent person and you take advantage of that to do what you want and give no consideration to what I need from you. Its getting to the point where I'm having to start learning the behaviours of a single person to keep myself at arms length from you. Not coming round so often, not caring when you don't want to see me, not even saying that you're my girlfriend. I'm getting tired, I thought that perhaps after eighteen months, eighteen months! in a relationship we would start to equalise. But apparently not. I'm just so so tired of this.

[knocking]

I'm sorry that I am so clingy...

[Chey]

Please make up your minds soon please.

[guest567]

I'm finding things tough right now.

[stripysocks4christ]

i think im going to miss you this weekend..

[Twinky]

I am truly scared of you becoming a social worker!

The thing I shared with you during an activity in our lecture I was totally over and had dealt with and yet YOUR response was so heartbreaking I haven't been able to stop thinking about it months later!

You want to be a social worker?? Open your mind! You arrogant, radical feminist!

We were talking about psychdynamical coping mechanisms and I said that when my parents were being 'held at gunpoint' my response was "Discounting the emotional significance of the event" (i.e. "it's not a big deal")... you're response?
"Are you not very close to your parents?" "Are you not a very emotional person?" "Why didn't you jump on a train and go to them?"

You judgemental, nasty woman! The whole point was we were talking about DISCOUNTING THE EMOTIONAL SIGNIFICANCE OF THE EVENT! I LOVE my parents with all my heart - I couldn't cope with the thought of me getting a phonecall from the police saying they were too late and they arrived at a bloodbath that I told myself it wasn't a big deal...

I TERRIFIES me that you are going to be a social worker. I avoid you like the plague.
I honestly hope you fail your placement so you can't continue - not out of nastiness, but for the sake of the children that you'd end up working with.

I STILL think about the conversation!


ARGH!

[stripysocks4christ]

there is genuinly no way i would be where i am now without your support and encouragement.. i just wish i could tell you that...

[ambivalent red]

I have so many great memories of my childhood with you. Im glad you met Julio. Im glad you got to die hopped on morphine. I wish I could be there. Stef and Jonas dont like me. Ive only talked to Sara. Im glad you had Judy during your last days. The poem book you got me when I was 12 was my favorite book into my 20s. I am ganna make you a card and you will receive it soon. I love you and its hard to think of you not here.

[Eva]

I'm sorry for being so stupid and mean yesterday I hope you'll contact me anyway.

[capricorn]

I will miss you so, so much, and I don't know when this suddenly hit me.

[Just Pomegranates]

I don't want to be afraid of bringing anything to your class and having my confidence totally squashed because then what do I have? Because if I don't have my writing and it's just shit and I have no confidence in it then I won't have anything. Which is a terrifying thought all in itself and my hatred for you will have no bounds if I come out of this class in worse shape then I went in.

[bekkah]

you thought you were helping. you thought you were doing the right thing. but really, it pressured me to lie my way out of the hospital so you could stop placing you life on hold. i never got better. i never got the help i needed. but i still love you.

[munchalot11]

I don't understand why you keep doing this to me... I don't even know if i want you any more, i'm sorry.

[Stormy Llwellyn]

I don't want to feel like this any more Yvonne. I just want to be normal. Yes Justin, 15 minutes in my mind would probably drive you to the brink. I'm sorry Wendi. Thanks for being my friends

[capricorn]

Having you in my life can be so fucking exhausting and I don't know if it's worth the candle these days.
Then again, I do this to myself really.

[cariad]

I love you, so much. but I still want to od. not to die, just to hurt myself. but you are so so so happy to have me back & you love me so much, I just wish it could heal me. I wish I did not keep doing this to you. sorry darling.

[cariad]

*lang*

in retrospect i think you may have been an utter passive aggressive fucking cow. so. everyone knows it is about me. blatently obvious.. you make me feel small and vile and horrible and leech off that? I don't think it was okay..and nor were some of the things you said. some of those conversations really were not fucking okay. I don't think i like you. but really..i have no idea, because i am spineless, vile and can't make up my mind. uni haunts me. partly you do. that is my fault, not yours. but if i had the balls i would love to tell you how much your subject upset me.