Day-dreaming about SH* (triggering)

[Xanne]

I've been fantasizing again a LOT lately. I day-dream a lot about SH. Vivid, technicolor day dreams...

I reached a point this week that I was afraid to shower. I didn't trust myself alone in the bathroom. I've been doing pretty well the last couple of years.

My life is good.
I love my job.
My fiance is so good to me.
We bought our own home that I adore.
On the most basic level I am actually happy.

There is absolutely no reason for me to struggle with depression and SH again. NONE.

Yet I am feeling fragile and desire to fall back to my old coping techniques - even when there doesn't seem to be reason to feel this way. I know this probably sounds totally lame, but the Abilify advertisement was what triggered me. It features this woman that is being drug down by her heavy coat of depression. It just made me feel so frustrated. I take my meds, I've made all the life changes that led to a near breakdown. How can this one stupid commercial have triggered all these old feelings and desires???

Xanne

[Jamas]

I've been fantasizing again a LOT lately. I day-dream a lot about SH. Vivid, technicolor day dreams...

Man, I sure do know what that's like! Sometimes my SI daydreams are so vivid I can barely concentrate on anything else...

I've been in the situation of not trusting myself alone, too. Even after years with no SI. Even when my life and living situation are going well and I have a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes depression and SH just come, with no reason, with no external justification. Illnesses can be like that, sadly.

Please know that you are not alone. Sometimes I feel triggered by the most innocuous things -- a commercial, a scene in a movie, a heavy door closing...

You don't sound lame at all -- you sound like a courageous person who has been very strong for a long time. You sound like you have really been doing the hard work of healing. That is something to be very proud of.

Xanne, I hope that you feel better soon. Remember that these fantasies will pass -- you've overcome much worse, before now. Be gentle with yourself -- everybody goes through periods of self-doubt sometimes. The important thing is what you do with those thoughts.

Remember that many people do care about you, very much. you deserve to have feelings, of all kinds -- you are worthy of them -- they have value. It's OK to express how you feel.

Sometimes I find it helpful to use some "psychiatric first aid" to distract myself from intrusive thoughts. Sniffing lavender oil or checking BUS often helps me with that. I love using a scalp-massager tool or taking a hot shower, or going bike riding, when I'm feeling blue. What kinds of wellness tools work for you?

Take good care, my friend,

Jamás

[fell_on_black_days]

how's it going now? any change?