Secrets Thread - Read first post!

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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strider 151
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by strider 151 » Sat Jun 11, 2011 3:31 pm

sometimes i want you to kill yourself. sometimes i dont feel guilty after wishing that.
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok :gooddeal: :Fade-color

In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.


:pangel: [Working Towards Recovery] :pangel:
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*

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a7xcncangel
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by a7xcncangel » Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:37 am

:star: I like working a lot so I can spend the least amount of time possible with my parents and save up money so hopefully I'll be able to move out within the next year or two.
:blkstar: I purposely cancelled my week off work so I don't have to go on vacation with my parents. Working is less stress than being stuck with my parents for a week.
:purpstar: I'm thinking about buying some alcohol so I can drink the week my parents are gone.
:star: The only reason I'm not toking up is because of the possibility of my parents drug testing me.
:blkstar: I'm counting the days until I'm back at school and away from my parents
:purpstar: I feel so trapped and powerless being home. I sometimes feel resentment toward my parents and I don't know why.
:star: I think my female boss is hot.
:blkstar: I think I'm genderqueer.
:purpstar: I'm worried that some of this gender questioning is from having too many transgendered friends and hearing all of their stories.
:star: I think I've gotten two viruses this summer from browsing porn
:blkstar: My sex drive is weird. I hate actual sex/sexual activities, but I sometimes really like porn.
:purpstar: I had a three way with my ex-best friend's older sister and her boyfriend.
:star: I looked through each page of this thread and read all my old secrets posts.
:blkstar: I've been really tempted to either lie and get perscribed xaxax or steal some from my grandpa because I like the way it makes me feel
:purpstar: I've bought two packs of cigarettes since I've been home and only plan on quitting for the summer.
:star: I slipped up on smoking weed too. I almost passed out from smoking so much and ended up throwing up. Then 20 minutes later, I drove 7 miles back to my house while completely blitzed. I don't even remember getting home at all.
:blkstar: I feel like it's a matter of when, not if, I fuck up.
:purpstar: I feel like a disappointment to my parents compared to my brother.
Mum: ReineDuSommeil
Sister: waydownsouth, nomad2207, noldo
Brother: sirjnj
Daughter: Azira
Cousin: DuchessN, jadestarwalking
Aunt: Cheycatsgarden

strider 151
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by strider 151 » Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:38 am

if he comes near me im scared of what he will do/say because i dont know what hes capable of

and i cant promise that i wont try to punch/slap/physically hurt him in some way

hes had a huge effect on my mental health, i see him everywhere and think hes following me around, im scared he will break into my house and physically harm me. i'm scared to go out the house to rthe point were i try to avoid walking anywere

if this continues im scared it might get worse to the point were i cant leave the house and i dont know what to do

i really need help
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok :gooddeal: :Fade-color

In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.


:pangel: [Working Towards Recovery] :pangel:
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*

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a7xcncangel
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by a7xcncangel » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:16 am

:redstar: I really like this guy I met at a grad party tonight. He's really rough around the edges though and my parents would kill me if they knew I was hanging out with a 17 year old guy who's a stoner, been on probation and house arrest, and a real partier. I think I like hanging out with popular HS guys because I was so unpopular in HS.
:bluestar: I tried really hard to get weed and/or alcohol tonight. I'm thankful and bummed that nothing came through.
:redstar: I might smoke on Wednesday night before seeing the 4th of July fireworks. I really shouldn't because I can be drug tested anytime by my parents and the consequences are huge if I get caught.
:bluestar: I'm so fucking sick of summer and am ready to go back to school.
:redstar: I'm listening to stoner music right now wishing I was blazed.
:bluestar: I have no clue where I'm living this fall. As of now it's with two transguys which I'm totally cool with, but my parents are flipping a shit.
:redstar: I'm really scared I'm gonna fuck up this summer.
Mum: ReineDuSommeil
Sister: waydownsouth, nomad2207, noldo
Brother: sirjnj
Daughter: Azira
Cousin: DuchessN, jadestarwalking
Aunt: Cheycatsgarden

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Beasty
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by Beasty » Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:55 pm

I did cry, but it wasn't for that reason. It was something else entirely.
"No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There’s always a boom tomorrow. What? Look, somebody’s got to have some damn perspective around here. Boom, sooner or later. BOOM!" - Susan Ivanova

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Annybelly
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by Annybelly » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:21 pm

I really, really fancy you. I really want you to mentor us next year too, come back for silver. I love it when you post things like that on my wall, because they're totally true, just not in the context quoted. And you've got a girlfriend *sigh*
♥ "Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear." ♥

♥ "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." ♥

♥ "My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." ♥

♥ "I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." ♥

♥ "Things haven't always been this bad, therefore, things won't always be this bad." ♥

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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by capricorn » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:33 pm

I dream about my ex girlfriend/best friend a lot. And I wish I didn't.
I just. Wish I remembered everything.
And wish I could forget what I remember.
I will never be able to explain how much it fucked with my head.
~Capri
xoxo

"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance


"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief


"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey


"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune

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Beasty
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by Beasty » Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:06 am

I don't think about you often. I'm glad you're gone. I just don't care.
"No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There’s always a boom tomorrow. What? Look, somebody’s got to have some damn perspective around here. Boom, sooner or later. BOOM!" - Susan Ivanova

Eisa = Beasty's Twin

Beasty's Place!

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strider 151
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by strider 151 » Sat Jul 02, 2011 2:41 pm

i've lost all feeling for you except hatred and annoyance. sometimes i wish you would stop making a big deal out of it and just get it over with. sometimes i want you dead. I am scared that i no longer care if you kill yourself
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok :gooddeal: :Fade-color

In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.


:pangel: [Working Towards Recovery] :pangel:
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*

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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by stripysocks4christ » Sun Jul 03, 2011 8:37 pm

i dont know if i want this anymore, and it scares me.. cos i shouldnt be feeling like this.. but i do.
"Love does not make the world go round... It’s what makes the ride worth while"
"Good friends lift you up when your wings forget to fly"

"Let Go and Let God"
"God will never let us fall without a plan on how to save us"
"For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" – Philippians 4:13

"I only lied so I didn't have to see the tears of disappointment in your eyes"
"I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..."


xx Kitti xx


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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by capricorn » Mon Jul 04, 2011 12:22 pm

Sometimes I think, if only it had been more ...
Because then at least I would have a reason for feeling this way.
~Capri
xoxo

"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance


"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief


"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey


"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune

strider 151
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by strider 151 » Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:48 am

I'm now talking to a guy called T, we swapped numbers last night
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok :gooddeal: :Fade-color

In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.


:pangel: [Working Towards Recovery] :pangel:
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*

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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by Licentia Poetica » Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:54 pm

I've been driving recklessly when I'm alone and sad.
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

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If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by zyn » Sat Jul 09, 2011 9:43 am

I can't let go. I can just remember. And it hurts.
"If knew what I thought I wouldn't need to make anything."
"Work is a fight against loneliness, against low self esteem, against depression, and against staying in bed. Sometimes my self esteem is so low that I cannot reach it even when I'm feeling down." - Martin Creed



SI free since 1st January 2012
Last SI: 23rd April 2013

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xPeggiePatchx
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by xPeggiePatchx » Sat Jul 09, 2011 2:07 pm

I miss you more than I can ever allow myself to admit to anyone.
The Patch Stop Bad Poetry


If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could've won.
It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live.
Must I be content with discontent...I cannot bite the day to the core.
To die would be an awfully big adventure
And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Darkness can only be scattered by light, hatred can only be conquered by love.
Awareness is the enemy of sanity, for once you hear the screaming, it never stops.
Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole bunch of people trying to be one person.

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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by meloy23 » Sun Jul 10, 2011 6:41 am

I think i was sexually assaulted, and you try to make me feel ashamed about it. I was hypomanic, 16, a doormat, and he got me drunk/stoned. fuck you.

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volta
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by volta » Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:38 am

i wish i was young enough to have someone sit with me while i sip gatorade and nibble on saltine crackers. i hate being sick, but apparently, at twenty-one i should be old enough to handle a stomach flu on my own.
more than that, i wish my friend v would drive over to sit with me. i miss him terribly, and i like to think he'd make me feel better.

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jadestarwalking
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by jadestarwalking » Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:40 am

I wish it was me who died not my mom, because she has a lot more going for her then I ever did, and I wouldn't have to put up with the thoughts from *HIM*
~*~*JadeStarWalking*~*~

*~*~silent fortress built to last~*~*


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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by munchalot11 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:54 pm

I don't think I can do this anymore :cry:

I want to give up...

part of me already has
Our scars remind us that the past is real

I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people...
... but the only trouble is, I don't know how to give myself advice



On the mission to make the perfect flat white. Because I'm cool like that.

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Beasty
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Re: Secrets Thread - Read first post!

Post by Beasty » Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:20 pm

I was attracted to her last night.
"No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There’s always a boom tomorrow. What? Look, somebody’s got to have some damn perspective around here. Boom, sooner or later. BOOM!" - Susan Ivanova

Eisa = Beasty's Twin

Beasty's Place!

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