coping with death?

[Neviah]

how?

[Licentia Poetica]

I wish I had answers for you. But apart from what I've already told you, I can only say that time will make it better. It won't fix it - it never does. But.. somehow the memories can be nostalgic and happy instead of always just painful.

Have you been over to the expressions forum? There's a bit of a tribute thread for people who've died. Maybe you can find a poem or something to post there?

[jaded melody]

The only advice I can give is to talk about how you feel. Don't keep it bottled up. When you feel like crying, let yourself cry. The big trap with bereavement is that often people don't really let themselves grieve properly, sometimes because they feel like they need to be strong for others, sometimes because they're worried that if they let it out, they'll be completely overwhelmed and unable to cope, but although it might feel like once you start to let yourself feel, the pain will never go away, if you give it a chance it really really helps to talk about it, and let it out, and allow yourself to feel the grief.

It does get better, but it takes time. People often expect you to be over it much more quickly than is realistic. Don't let them. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Annybelly]

Hey, I'm afraid I don't have tons of useful words to say, but I think Licentia and Jaded Melody are spot on.
And I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and offer some if they're wanted.

[Neviah]

thanks everyone

I was talking to a girl at work yesterday, she also knows I have ed issues now as she asked me straight out if i was eating properly (ive lost weight) so i figured i trust this girl and shes my friend I may aswell take the opportunity to talk things over IRL. She was lovely and supportive and i apologised later for talking about things for so long (30minutes) and she just said "hey, sometimes you just need to talk about things" which was really nice of her. made me feel better for taking up half of her dinner break.

i didnt think talking would ever help but i have a couple of people pming me and a couple of people at work supporting me, and its alot easier that way.

I learned that you do not hold the tears in as that actually physically hurts, that was not a good plan.


thanks for your advice, it helps.

[SplinteredGirl]

hiding the tears does NOT do nay good, trust me. if your in a public place and you need to cry, go to the bathroom or something and let it out. it will only hurt more to keep it in. and yes, it really does help to talk about it. strange, especially with us and SI (and others allthough not me with ed) theres so much stigma, and it makes it so hard to share things, but death, thats universal. it affects everyone.
anyways im rambling. express yourself. that what i had ot do when i lost my friend. i talked about her alot i wrote letters ot her, i cryed, i visited her family alot that first year. going thereon holidays and such. for me, it helped. and it hlped her mom which made me feel better about what happened.
again, as i said in nest, be around those who care about you and you trust. it helps. it helps it not feel so lonley..

and yes, one day, the memories dont seem so full of pain. one day, they make you smile and not cry. i promise you that. LET yourself feel whatever it is your feeling. dont hold it in. it will only make it worse, and youll "explode" at perhaps an embaressing time. at least, thats what happened to me.

thinking of you take care

[Neviah]

thankyou, weird thing is, i was in bed when i held those in, and only a few hours previously i was crying on the bus.

So that's weird, i wouldnt cry in front of my boyfriend but 40 strangers is fine?

its like i see him everywhere, when it was sunny it felt like he was watching over me and now it's snowy and he talked about snow alot.