Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[capricorn]

I'm sorry, I just. Yeah. Sorry.

[stripysocks4christ]

your so beautiful... why cant you see it?? i jsut wish you could see yourself how you really are. i just. yeh... never mind.

[strider 151]

i'm sorry. i'm so so so sorry

[stripysocks4christ]

please dont read if you know me IRL...


k - your killing me, but i dont care cos i would willingly die for you.
i feel so useless cos i cant help you. i wish i had the magic words that would make you change your mind. you say sorry, but do you really mean it?? i hate watching you lead a double life.. i hate seeing you live a lie every day at school. it breaks my heart watching you destroy yourself. why cant you just trust me when i say dont do it????? this is tearing me apart inside, but its OK... cos id do anything for you. anything. id take all the pain and die for you. i dont want it to get to that, but.... never mind...
ive overstepped the mark. im sorry. im so so sorry. im sorry i cant fix it. im sorry i cant support you better. im sorry i set such a crap example to you. and im sorry i cant change your mind.

[Annybelly]

hey mum, dad.

i need your help. i need your support, you see, there's this way i cope. theres sveral ways i cope, but this one particualr way.

i self harm.

please dont be angry with me, or with yourselves, or with M. And yeah, thats what all those conversations with F are about. and yeah thats why the internet means so much to me.

i'm telling you this because i want to fight self harming, but i need you to understand first.

one day, that will be true, i will want to fight si, and ill tell my parents. till then.. well

[DecemberLivy]

W - you absolutely fascinate me. perhaps because you find me fascinating, or at least you seemed to last time we met. I've never known anyone be so interested in what I had to say, on architecture, for christsake! I've thought about you a lot since because I don't really know anything about you. You don't know how lovely it is to speak to someone who has absolutely no expectations of you. You can chat and flirt and it doesn't have to mean anything, just two people sharing time. I can't believe you've passed under my radar when we have so many mutual friends. I'm glad we eventually met, though, that was some of the best conversation I've had in years. I'd like to get to know you better, hopefully be friends.

[Callisto]

W - Piss off with your snarky email. The bloody conference wasn't anything to do with marketing so there was no reason for A to go to it anyway...and more to the point, when he was offered the chance to attend last year he rejected it as a silly, gimmicky waste of time - so why should I have mentioned it to him after his complete disdain for it last year and also when it's something that I'm interested in? Sod off with your attempts to strangle the development of the juniour staff so that you can lavish attention & favours on your pet staff members at our expense. I will share my notes with him, but only because I intend to share them publically anyway...and I will also take great delight in watching your pet marketing manager squirm & pull faces & make immature comments about it all and prove exactly why he didn't even deserve the decency of heads up about it, let alone the opportunity to attend it.

[Eva]

I think about you. I wish you would come back..

[Beasty]

Thank you for coming. I cannot describe how much it helped me. I love you.

[Annybelly]

decide, okay. you're either with them, or us. it just doesnt work atm, because we dont get on with them, and they dont get on with us. it hurts me to se them using you. THEY ARE USING YOU. just.. for someone who claims to be all grown up and knwoledgeable, your pretty blind to whats going on under your nose.
please, dont get hurt. i dont want you to get hurt.

[strider 151]

you cant fix me, so dont even try. sorry, its just something i have to do. i am in control now, so watch and see

[Annybelly]

i'm really not okay anymore

[PLAIN JANE]

I can never be with you, you smell funny.

I wanted to say it but didn't want to be hurtful, tho it is true.

[guest567]

Who was it that rang me so many times earlier?

[strider 151]

being here is good for me, its healing. it makes all the bad voices fade away. i wish i could stay here forever, but thats impossible. thing is, i havent missed you or anyone at all. its strange. i didnt think i would survive without you constantly being in mt sight but look, i'm stronger than ever! i dont worry about you because i know your better off without me. i dont mean that in a mean way, its just the simple truth.

if these children knew what they are doing for me, what they are saving me from, would they act any different?

the thoughts of ending it all have been very prominate recently, but when im here it all fades away and i want to live again. i even feel better about how i look. i dont have to constantly think before i speak for fear of triggering someone or it being taken the wrong way or being judged. things are so simple with the children


i dont ever want to go back, i cant face it all now

[capricorn]

It was the truth, and I knew you wouldn't believe it, because I knew she wouldn't explain. But she kept me up until 6 am hyperventilating and crying while I was trying to convince her that she's not an awful person. And yes, what you think is true, kinda, but most of it was that. Most of it was me trying to soothe her down out of a panic attack, and not sleeping because she was wrapped around me so she could feel safe. So yeah.

[stripysocks4christ]

im thinking about leaving. that way you can get on with your life without worrying about trigging me, and without me trigging you. it will be better for both of us.. :/ ill miss you tons. but youve been so happy when your away from me. how could i take that happiness away?

[strider 151]

please dont leave me

d- i cant belive you! i'm so dissapointed and hurt. how could you? and you expect me to be ok with it? you expect me to take it well and be mature? well dont just dump this onto me without expecting a reason. after everything you said to me about adiction and SI, you go and do this???? this is too much. i cant take it. yes i still love you, but you have just made it that much more complicated for me. thanks.

[Stefani140]

I didn't tell you the truth earlier. The cut on my finger wasn't an accident, it was an accidental cut from collecting my SI tools. I feel bad for misleading you since you're going to see the new marks really soon anyway, so it was pointless to not tell the whole truth.

[Beasty]

I wish you could see how much I need someone. How much I wish that someone could be you. I understand that you have a wonderful life without my being in it, but it would mean so much to me. Why you? You are the type of person I hope to grow into, when it is all finished. I admire you greatly and respect you entirely. I have come to love you, even.

So now, in the midst of a very bad time, I find myself wishing to turn to someone. Wishing to fall into someone's arms, be held tightly, and listen to a heartbeat. I want to know that I am not alone in this, that someone loves me even when I am broken and ruined, and they will protect me.

I wish I could ask you for this. I wish I could run into your arms and cry until all the pain and despair that Jackass visited on me runs out with the tears. I hope, against all reason and intuition, that you might realise what I need and give it without prompting. Yet somehow, I suspect that will never happen.