Getting yourself to want to stop.

[zazie]

How do you get yourself in a position of wanting to quit SI?

I've had instances in the past of bad/unhealthy approaches of trying to stop SI (mostly based on guilt, and the whole "My problems are nothing in comparison to everyone else's!" assumption), which backfired nastily, and I'm wary of trying to push too hard for stopping for the wrong reasons.

What have been good and healthy reasons for people to stop? What's worked well?

(I'm not looking to immediately jump into committing to not engaging in SI, but things feel like they're on an upswing, and I'm trying to lay mental framework for when I feel more ready to take a step of that size.)

[Jamas]

For me a big part of wanting to stop was the fact that I was in an intimate partnership, and I was tired of feeling like I couldn't let my partner see my legs. Another big part was the fact that my therapist said that he wouldn't continue seeing me unless I made a commitment to stop SI, and my partner saying that he needed for me to be in therapy for him to keep seeing me, because he was so worried about me. But the main one was that I was mostly doing it in response to stressors at home, and at work, and with friendships, and I decided, "these people and places aren't worth it to me. if I need to SI in order to deal with a situation, then that's not the right situation for me to be in." So I left, and things got better. I still have the urge, though, many times a day. I'll probably deal with the cravings for a very long time. it's just one day at a time, you know?

[CokeytheCat]

I've been wanting to get myself to want to stop as well.

My theory is that it is just a symptom of a bigger problem, and once the problem is dealt with to an extent, the symptom will ease.

That's just a theory, though. It probably works the other way around as well.

I've also heard that just developing healthier ways of coping helps, but since I'm not good at that . . . . I dunno.


I'd like to know how to want to stop as well.

[Jamas]

One thing that can help is to write out a list of pro's and con's:

What are the things that could motivate me to change?
What are the things that are motivating me against change?

What are the obstacles to change that I foresee?
What are the resources I have on my side as I move forward towards change?

What would the benefits and disadvantages be of changing?

Looking back on my life, have there been times in my life that I SI'ed less or SI'ed more? What was going on during those periods of my life? What was my life like, then? Did my period of less SI (or more SI) feel better or worse than I feel now?

Is it worth it to me to change right now?

What could I do if I made a change in my life that I can not do now?
What could I not do, if I made a change in my life, that I can do now?

What has helped me to change in the past?
What has made it hard for me to change in the past?

Is there a reasonable goal that I can set for myself (for example, a trial of abstinence of one week, or one day, etc.)? What reward can I give myself if I succeed in meeting that goal?

Are there people who have succeeded in meeting similar goals who can be mentors and coaches to me, who can help me to hold myself accountable?

Who supports me in my life as I work toward this goal?

If I took away this particular coping strategy, how else can I deal with the stressors in my life? Is there something healthier that I can replace it with, or would I move on to a less healthy alternative?

...Just a few questions that can help a person to feel out whether it is the right time of life to change or not.

Best of luck, and take good care,

Jamas

[zazie]

Thanks, everyone. Good suggestions, and good questions.