How to stop?

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

Moderators: Spidey, noldo

Post Reply
hybridshadow
one of us
one of us
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:50 am
Location: Canada

How to stop?

Post by hybridshadow » Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:32 am

**May be triggering, SI**
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
So after 9 years of SI, and always feeling like I should stop for other people and it not working, or after trying to be forced to stop and that not working either... I've finally realized that stopping for me is what I want to do this time. I think that might make it even harder. There's so much that I'm scared of in doing it, and it's a bit overwhelming. It's just been my way of dealing with things, from the past, etc, for so long, and I don't know what else to do. But, I'm trying. I've made it 8 days at this point, which, to me, is a long time. Last night I actually had a conversation with a friend of mine, about SI (only 4 of my friends here at school are aware that I do this) and she challenged me and asked me whether, since I want to stop, I would be willing to get rid of the thing I use. That, to me, is the scariest thing. I mean, it's scary enough to think about wanting to stop and wanting to be free from all of it. I just don't know whether getting rid of the thing I use would be the next best step.

I mean, I'd say I usually (used to, before I started trying to stop) do it 3-4 times a week. I don't know whether the best thing would be to just try to gradually stop doing it, while still having the thing in my possession so that it doesn't feel so... stripped away. Although, maybe that's what I need. Or, whether the best thing would just be to get rid of the thing I use, because really, it's not even like that's final. If I really wanted to do it, there are plenty of other things, all over the place, that I could use. It's just... the fact that I wouldn't have it anymore.

I'm just so scared. I'm scared of not having it on me, and then of needing to do it and then having to go find something else. I'm scared that those who know that right now, stopping is something that I'm trying to do, and therefore have expectations of me that I will stop. I'm scared that if I screw up and slip, they'll be disappointed. I'm scared of not actually being ready to get rid of the thing (but then again, that might be the most effective way to help me stop - it just seems so final, even though it's entirely not.) I'm scared that nothing else will work/be this effective.

I don't know if any of this makes sense... it's just my jumbled thoughts running around my head, constantly battling both sides (i.e. whether to just get rid of the thing and then see what happens, or whether to keep it until I'm more ready to get rid of it, and just try to stop). I really do want to stop. It's just so hard and scary. So, in all of this jumble, I guess what I'm asking is for your opinions on what would be the first best step. Sorry to ramble on... it's just something I'm wrestling with. Thanks in advance. :)

User avatar
Licentia Poetica
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 24935
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
Gender: Female
Location: Australia
Contact:

Post by Licentia Poetica » Sat Feb 28, 2009 10:29 am

The first step to stopping is wanting to. So you've done that :)

You should make a list of the reasons why you want to stop, which you can read when you're finding it hard.

I found that once I started working out the issues behind what was making me SI, the SI itself just became less and less of something I needed to do.

Everytime you want to SI but dont congratulate yourself - because you've used a healthier coping mechanism to get you through the moment.

8 days is awesome - keep going :)
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

Image

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 46 guests