Just curious *sex*

[Pained-Beauty]

Okay, Well mmm
Is it normal to use sexual like Masturbation and sex as a way to distract yourself from everything going wrong in someones life.

Me and my boyfriend have both found that sex has helped us deal with some hardships, and a few times it has been rough, steamy sex with lots of forplay, and a few times, he looked at me and told me "I need to be close to you" and kissed me and it went from there.

I have also found myself a lot of the time distracting myself by masturbating if i get upset or something, And it makes me feel so much better. like the urges to SI are usually compleatly gone...

Has anyone else heard or experiances similar things?

[Pained-Beauty]

Anyone?

[kittyfever]

You know, I never have really given it any thought, but you might be right. People always say they are sexually frustrated and sex helps that. We're emotionally hurt and depressed or down and generally frustrated...maybe its not the healthiest way to think about sex, but in the end it can be used as a great distraction..I guess we just have to try to be safe about it lol.

But yeah, I think I've been there. For me the urge to hurt myself really never goes away like you expressed..it'll always be in the back of my head, but yeah I can relate to what you've said. I think its one of those endorphin rush causes brief pleasure and happiness so you feel fine..really self injury and sex could serve a similar function in that respect. Hope things are well.

[Luscious Peanut]

Don't forget our country was founded by PURITANS. We americans tend to feel tentative about anything sexual.

Dude. That sounds like the perfect lemonade out of lemons. It's really support from a loved one. Sex can be a GOOD thing in a good relationship. You're not weird. I'm gonna go do this right now. Exhaust the heck out of yourself, give yourself the endorphins you crave, with someone loving? What's wrong with that?
Thanks for posting a great idea,
Luci Pea

[Pained-Beauty]

Yeah, I know sex isn't a bad thing...

Well also sometimes things may be going crappy, and then we have sex and then things seem a lot better. Is that because he's only looking for sex, or because it is "Making love" thats going to show you your true emotions for someone. We've been together for 5 months. I took his second kiss, first make out, and everything after that.

That really hurts me because i've slept with people before we started dating. And we're talking about moving in together as soon as im legal.
My past does sometimes bother him, I've also been hurt a lot in it, So its hard for him because he cant exactly blame me for what I did, But also it hurts him a lot. He hates the fact that i've slept with Espically one particular person, a friend of his.

He's had nightmares about the sexual assaults i've been through.
one just the other night, He misses me so much. Im seeing him tomorrow.
Im scared my past is going to cause other problems...

Anyone else had this problem?

[DecemberLivy]

sex is a release, and its common to use sex and masturbation to deal with things. I'd worry about it being a 'distraction' though. Sex is a great way to let off steam but you mustn't let it distract you from the real issue. Like they say, treat the illness not the symptom. I know of people who have used masturbation as a coping technique to deal with SI urges, I think that's perfectly fine and obviously alot healthier. But as I said before, try to work on the real issue causing your urges as well. I always think of our emotions like natural alarm bells, if your body/mind is telling you something isn't right you've got to listen and not just keep repressing it.

I hope you work things out, feel free to PM me

L

[SplinteredGirl]

if it makes you feel good and its not beco0mking like a addiction, whats so wrong with it É :P

[yoursforever_me]

i've not actually done it myself but i have heard sex/masturbation is a good alternative cos it uses energy and it relaeses loads of endorphins and stuff.

[myfriendscallmeerika]

i've used sex and masturbation both as ways to handle my emotions. if im angry i will have rough long exhausting sex. if im depressed i will want more cuddling, more tenderness. whats weird for me (mostly with drug use, not si. ) is that what started out as a symptom has taken on a life of its own and now become the illness. know what i mean?

anywhooo, seeing as how i am married and only have sex with hubby and he's always more than willing to oblige....it causes no problems for me.

luv
erika

[BlacKat]

Just figured I'd add my 2c:

You mentioned sexual assault. Masturbation, even compulsive masturbation, is common in people who have experienced SA. Can be good or bad depending on the circumstances. I'll see if I can dig up some stuff for you - I should be in bed and my memory's not working.

[cactus716]

I had terrible time with this issue. At the early age of 4 i would mastrbate until I was raw, even pinching myself down there
till I would bleed.
So I feel it can be a form of SI.

sorry

[Chaocontrol6]

Interesting response, and as a guy anyway and for one that has been desperate in needing a release that isn't involving SI then sometimes I have gone and masturbated at home in my bed. To me it isn't anything sexual because I do not intend on having a relationship with anybody, so really I just focus on the process of it being a release that is coming out of my body and it 1,000,000 times better than cutting myself.

Jason

[Joseph]

I use sex masturbation to escape feelings ever since the SA. Unfortunately I evolved to use sex as a form of Si as well.

If I find myself alone I nearly always use sex to make that time pass up to entire days because I struggle with the feelings of loneliness. This cycle can turns to SI via my sexual reactions as I get angry and disgusted with myself.

My therapist told me my submissive sexual desires behaviors are just my appetite and not SI but honestly it has been both. I will do most anything to not feel these feelings SI tends to be the ending of the emotional pain self hate cycle.

I am married but there is little sex there as I cannot express myself to my vanilla wife. So sex after the initial high of being and merging with a new person turns into emotionally insecurity resulting from my sharing with that person my past. That just leads me back to to being abandoned. All of this returns me to paid for encounters that enable me to remain detached.

This is what drove me here because I don't want to humiliate and punish myself anymore. This last breakup weakened my compartmentalization of my feelings and memories. It is like I am leaking and feelings at the cracks and I have to let them out or I get right back on the cycle again. I am trying to feel my feeling for a change even it it is a spoon full at a time