bad memories

[marshmallowfluff]

this is going to sound pathetic, and i'd imagine people would wonder what the big deal is (i would if it wasnt about me ), but its actually really upsetting me.

my mum died last year. we have this scent in our house, you know them plug in air freshners? we have the same one at the mo that we had around christmas last year. christmas time last year i was very depressed and suicidal, and this smell is making me feel quite awful. it reminds me of my mum in an indirect way; its not completely related to her but to the feelings i felt when she died.
it reminds me of christmas last year and how awful it was, as it was the first christmas without her. i wasn't too phased by christmas this year because i recognise i have no choice but to get on with it, but its making me think of last year and how horrible i felt.
i can't change the plug thing, because i live with my dad and its his stupid choice of scent, so what else can i do to stop me thinking all these bad things? it is, in some stupid pathetic way, triggering me.
i dont know how to explain it, really. its triggering me to think things i would rather not. im not having an specific memories relatin to xmas, just xmas in general, if you get what i mean? who'd have though something as insignificant as an air freshner would make me feel so awful
thank you

[zombiepeople]

I dont' think it sounds pathetic at all. Even small things like the scent of an air-freshener or a certain sound or object can trigger sadness or negative emotions after you go through something as hard as losing someone you love, even if the object isn't directly related to that person.

Maybe if you explain to your dad how badly the scent of the air-freshener makes you feel, he'd change it. I don't know how your dad is about things like that though...mine would probably think I was being silly and refuse to change it.

Do you journal at all? Many times for me, writing my feelings down in a journal or something like that really helps with urges, especially when it comes to missing someone.

[Luscious Peanut]

Your sense of smell is the sense tied most closely to your memory. It makes perfect sense.

[5th section]

I think you should mention it to your dad - I doubt that not having the scent would be as upsetting for him as having it is for you. there must be other things he can use.
and it's certainly not pathetic. Smells can be very powerfully linked with memories. I can understand that a lot (the smell of cheap disinfectant makes me feel really triggery, but that's another story )

[BlacKat]

Smells can definitely be triggery - actually I read somewhere (can't find it now) that our sense of smell is the most connected to our emotional memories of any of our senses. I agree with talking with your dad if you can, but I know that my parents would tell me I'm being silly, so your call. If not can you maybe find some perfume or cook something really smelly or just find something else to smell when it's getting overwhelming?