Coping with anxiety/embarassment

[Kaz]

I know I'm not alone here in having anxiety problems and I wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar and has any advice? I've had reason to think about a few things recently and have been trying to think harder about *why* I feel and act the way I do, rather than glossing over things and trying to ignore how I feel. I've come up with a couple of things that I think I need to deal with.

I hate the way embarassment makes me feel. I don't understand at all where this comes from, but whenever I'm in a situation that is the slightest bit embarassing I find it excrutiatingly painful, I often cry (and certainly feel like I will), it takes me hours to calm down and I keep running over the events in my head, working myself up into an even worse state.

I know it affects my life, I know that I avoid social situations because I don't want to be embarassed by anything, I know I'm terrified of doing anything where people might be looking at me because of what they might be thinking about me. It's affecting my university course, because it involves practical exams and role-play exercises in class and I'm so terrified of them that I either refuse to do the exercises (not an option now, I'm told) or have to take drugs to stop me from freaking out.

The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems - I'm having real anxiety problems about the possibility of feeling an emotion that I don't even know I'll have any reason to feel. I have no reason to think that I'll screw this up, no reason to think that the people watching me will judge me harshly or that they don't want me to do well. It's just that even thinking about how they might see me causes such intense feelings that they feel like pain. How can that be?

How do other people deal with anxiety? Do you over-react to embarassment like this? Why embarassment and not other feelings?

[BlacKat]

This is something I really struggle with as well. I guess what helps most is to think, "Well, if I do end up doing something really stupid, what's going to happen?" If I'm with my friends, well, we'll probably just laugh about it but no one is really going to think I'm dumb. If it's around strangers, it's not like I'm going to see these people again, so what they think isn't a problem. The biggest area is when I'm around people who I need to work with for whatever reason but aren't really friends. It helps to think that "Hey, everyone does something pretty stupid every now and then. Most people are willing to overlook things." It's still pretty hard, though.

[Luscious Peanut]

If I had a life philosophy, it would be "Do the thing you're scared of doing." I SUCKED (S-U-C-K-E-D) at drawing when I started, and was terrified everytime the teacher walked past (terrified stiff --my charcoal just frozed in mid air) but in the end got a grad degree in art education. If something scares you, analyze it, I guess, but do it. Your fear might make you good at it. Go do those things that freak you out. In social situations, what's the worst that could happen? People would know your feelings? You'd be a silly-head? No biggie. BE social. It's one of the keys to good mental health. Just do it. Be weird. Be yourself. You'll eventually attract people who like you for you. The more you do it, the less scary it is.

When I started college I was really terrified of speaking up in class. At a school when your course evaluation was determined by class discussion and papers, speaking up was kinda important (we had no tests). At the very THOUGHT of an opinion or speaking up in general about anything my palms would shake and sweat and I would sweat and choke (literally choke, I hear that's rare) and it was terribly difficult for me. But now I'm a teacher, and speaking up for my students (special ed) is my job.

POINT: If we face our fears, we can master them like no one else.

At least try to be social. Set some goals. "For the next month I will go to a get-together/party once/week" or whatever works for you. And give it time to actually work... cause the first one will likely suck. I've seen some pretty messed up (socially) people make waaayyy more friends then I'd ever dream of having.

You can do it. You just have to face it. Maybe 'as needed' drugs can help at first, but it's SO possible. I've seen it in me and in my friends (I can tell yuo their stories in a PM if you want). Take deep breaths and think, the worst that can happen if you isolate yourself is that you'll be alone forever. The worst that can happen if you're weird in public is that it will take longer to make quality friends.