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[Jamas]

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[joeygirl]

i'm sorry i don't have anything helpful or useful to say but wanted you to know i read.

[joeygirl]

i'm sorry i don't have anything helpful or useful to say but wanted you to know i read.

[pelagic]

Hmmm... I'm not quite so sure on what you should do exactly, but maybe you could talk to your sister about it? She cut all ties, and while you don't have to do that, she could help arrange your thoughts? Maybe. I don't know your situation, so I can't really say.

Perhaps, if you have children, maybe allow them to know their grandparents (kids need nannies and papas/grandmas and grandpas), but only have your parents visit your house? That way, they're in a safe environment, and you are there for them just incase? Again, I don't know your situation, but that's what I would do.

Anyway, if it is any comfort, I read and I care
Take care

[Jamas]

Thank you, pelagic and joeygirl. Your words are important to me.

Best wishes to you,

me.

[Jamas]

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[PassingCloud]

hey Jamas,

i have been reading your thread. just didn't know waht to reply to your first post.
the last post of you i can defenitely relate to, though, as i just woke up from similar dreams myself.

sometimes it helps me to write down these dreams and/or share them with someone i care about and who cares about me - like my fiance.
sometimes it helps to imagine a different outcome of the dream.

as for the sex issue - oh my, have i often felt like you. i want a normal sex life, too. it takes a lot of time, healing and communication for that though. do you have a therapist? therapy can really help with this. as you can talk there, about boundaries, learn what's "normal" and what isn't - though i don'T know if you have a problem with this. i do. sometimes i don't know whether i am just overreacting - or whether my reaction is okay.
i had to learn simple things in therapy, like saying "no" and saying "i don't like this" or simply showing my fiance in other ways that i don't like/want what he's doing.

so i can relate to what you must be goign through atm.

i will be thinking of you and wish you well on your healing journey.

-cloudya

[Jamas]

Hi Passing Cloud,

It's nice to hear from you. Thank you, all of you.

My sis is back in touch with my father. She and I decided not to talk about our parents with each other -- too much "issues."

So here's a question: if, after a period of time, it looks as though there will be no "resolution" to a history of SA or a trauma history -- the perpetrators fail to recognize the behavior and continue to perpetrate similar inappropriate behavior at inappropriate times -- to what extent is it helpful to simply seal it off? Avoid further contact or confrontation, move far away, and try to forget?

Is that ever helpful?

[Spidey]

In a perfect world, we'd like that - for our perps to cough up and say that they were Wrong and Sorry. But it doesn't work like that.

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn in my healing from SA was that...it's really not their responsibility for you to heal. No apology in the world is going to make a damn bit of difference.

You can't "seal it off" because it will always come back. It will always be the elephant in the living room. You have to come to terms with it, and simply deal with it. You can't forget or seal it off. Believe me, I've tried that.

I think avoiding contact with the perps is a good thing. If it means that you have to put distance between you, then by all means, do it. But don't use that distance as an excuse to run away.

[Jamas]

Thank you. I needed to hear that.