listening to urges questions to answer **si, su

Post by **sine nomine** » Sun Apr 13, 2003 11:38 pm

These questions were written quite a long time ago, and are the same as those you'll find on the Before & After forum. If you're looking for feedback on your answers, to help you work through your urges, it is worth posting over there. It can be hard work, but be very useful in working out what is happening for you. [To post on this board you need to join the before and after usergroup, information on usergroups can be found here, or you can PM an admin. Depending on who is online, it may take a day or so to get added to a usergroup, feel free to answer the questions here or in a new thread and a coping mod or admin can move it over for you once you're in the usergroup]) (Added by Mallie)

this thread is meant to work like the other questions thread. the first reply to this will be the questions. the idea is for you to answer them for yourself as honestly as you can when you're urgy if you want to. you can post your answers here and talk about them if you've like to share.

please be sure to warn people if there are disturbing bits in your reply/answers. i'm willing to be a bit more accepting of triggery stuff in this thread, but you need to be responsible about warning people what they're in for. this is an experiment; i'm interested in seeing how it goes.

here's the original listening to urges post. i'll put the questions in the next reply.

----

sometimes it seems like self-harm is a way of trying to hold things together when you're overwhelmed, a way of toning things down enough that you can survive a wave of feeling (or not-feeling). it's essentially an adaptive response -- you are trying to keep yourself whole even if it means taking your body to pieces.

most people, when they get an urge to si, try to get rid of it as fast as they can. they either go ahead and hurt themselves and resolve it that way or they distract themselves or white-knuckle through it. what if you stopped and listened, though?

some people start popping zinc and vitamin c at the least sniffle cause they recognize the message "a cold may be coming." what if you welcomed an urge as a message from your self that something needs attending to?

you could start by acknowledging that it's there and real and valid. accept the urge, and accept that the choice of acting on it is yours, even if it doesn't seem that way.

then maybe you coudl try to figure out what message it holds. what was happening when it started? what were you doing, feeling, thinking? this is hard, because if something is so threatening or scary that you want to hurt yourself over it. it takes courage to look it in the eye, but armed with your knowledge that your self is doing its best to help you and protect you, you can look at what's happening.

once you know where it came from (not necessarily where it came from in your deep personal history, but where it came from *right now* in your immediate present), you've got power. instead of just "i want to hurt myself," it's "i want to hurt myself because..." and that "because" gives you a lot of leverage.

love,
deb

Post by **sine nomine** » Sun Apr 13, 2003 11:39 pm

write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

deb

Contactor Jed · Post by **Contactor Jed** » Mon May 26, 2003 9:38 am

This is a great post. Too tired to post responses right now though. Maybe later.

-Contactor Jed

scampercat · Post by **scampercat** » Mon May 26, 2003 4:49 pm

excellent post! That makes SO much sense - to listen to the urge as a message instead of just REACTING to it! Thank you so much for that concept. ---- I have printed out the questions and will start working on answering them. more later.

scampercat

Stellaria · Post by **Stellaria** » Sun Jun 15, 2003 7:46 pm

Tonight I'm going to try to answer these in my place thread
http://busmail.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=348008#348008

Thanks,
Nina

A_Caz · Post by **A_Caz** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 2:16 pm

hi im new

i had thoughtsn of su

yesterday and tryed to od sadily im still here

but i self harmed first

and ur post is gud but for me i just want out i cant deal with the situation and for me it help

i find it hard to face prob and evry time i get one i panick and self harm

but im young and i dont wanna noe more i have to focus on me gcse and i need to cope another way any advice anyone

maggie · Post by **maggie** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 10:24 pm

Hi A_caz - maybe try talking to someone directly about your feelings?

I'd like to pass along a tip that really helps me - daylight. Try to get outside every day. I find being in daylight makes me less tired and I generally feel better. The effect can be almost instant.

caged bird · Post by **caged bird** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 5:27 pm

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will get rid of the stress and anger I'm feeling right now

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief right now and make me feel better - but it ewill take away everything i have worked for over the last nine weeks

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
*shrugs* i gues i ust want to feel better, i want my triggers to all go away and to put SI behind me so i can move on with my life - Si Won't get me closer to this but for now it will make me feel better

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Not long and after that i will be destroyed because i know that if i fail this time round it will stop everyhting i have planned nad i won't be able to do the uni course i want or face my councellor or head of year or form tutor

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Distract myself, do some of my homework, it won't make me feel better but it might take some of the stress and pressure off of me. hopefully the feeling will pass after that - if it doesn't who knows

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If i cut i will be destroyed and most likely won't get up tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that, i will give up becasue everything is resting on me staying SI free - if i do my homework i will feel beter tomorrow becasue i will have less to do but prolly still as fat and ugly and tempted to SI

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to cut but i know i can't becasue it would be worse than the relief i get from SI, i just don't know if i can keep fighitng urges

pink1 · Post by **pink1** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 6:21 pm

I dont really feel there is an external situation its all internal, I'm feeling very depressed!!!!!

[*]how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I'll get the hurt out and the urge over with.

[*]what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

I'll end up having to go to A and E, my gf will be angry if I cut in her house and she'll be sad If I cut. It'll yake away the yuk I feel right now.

[*]how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I dunno, it might get my shrink to move his ass and give me an appointment, but its not going to take the depression away forever just for a little while I know that

[*]if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

It'll last maybe till the wound heals but I don't know maybe less

[*]what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could and probably will just stay on BUS all night and talk and surf the net, also watch Fame academy

[*]how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I cut I'll feel a bit better, I'll also feel bad cos I now my GF would be v upset, If I don't cut then I'll think thats another nite feeling crap but I didn't cut

[*]what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now

I know I'm not going to cut, I've had stronger urges and I can fight this one. Also doing this has helped, doesn't mean I wont be urging all night, and I'm still depressed

Love Helen x x x x

piglet · Post by **piglet** » Fri Oct 10, 2003 8:36 pm

[*]how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel some real physical pain. I won't feel like the pain is something I am making up. I will have that pain to hold onto for a few days, to remind me what a failure and mess I am. Right now that feels good, like something I need, but I guess that to others it would be a reason not to do it. The situation will not change. But nothing I can do right now will make it change, except maybe the decision on my part to 'get better', and I don't think I truly want that.

[*]what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a moments relief. While I am doing it I will not be thinking about it, or food, or any of the other mess. It will bring me the sense of justice. This is what I deserve. It will take away... some of the feeling of 'fakeness', that I am somehow not in this, that this is all happening around me. I don't know. I don't understand. But everyone is making such a fuss, over what? Its not so bad. Am I choosing to make it bad. I don't know.

[*]how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel...away from it. I don't want to live this life. I don't want to be me. No this won't be changed by me hurting myself. It won't make me better, or fet any support, or change anything. Maybe it will be moving me further away, as it isn't 'getting better'. But it feels so inevitable. I'm not going to be better anyway, so why not?

[*]if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will last only a short time in it's truest form. I will feel guilty afterwards. I will have let others? myself? down again. I will be that pathetic person who cannot cope. I will be that weirdo who has to cut into her own flesh in an attempt to express herself. But there will be some lasting benefit. For every time I feel the pain over the coming days, I will know that I have done what I deserve. I will feel real pain. I will know that it isn't all in my head for now.

[*]what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try and talk to people here. I could post rather than hide. I could watch tv, I could sew to keep my hands busy. I could call friends who say "call". I could phone the crisis line. But that won't change anything either. So cut or not, it doesn't change. To many that would be a justification to not cut, to me it screams cut! How long could I keep it up? Maybe until bed. And then I would have made it. But do I want to. I must to some extent to be here and doing this. But to walk away now, to save myself would feel like 'backing down'. Once I have had the thought I have to do it. Or hate myself for my cowardice. Do I want to try?

[*]how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow is different because I will have someone with me. M is visiting and she would hate the thought of me hurting myself. I should try and do it for her. But what about me? Selfish bitch that I am. I want to cut for me. I will feel ashamed, I will feel pain. I will be sore, and probably tired. But I will feel real. I will have something to focus my mind on. I will have marks to hide, and I don't want that. I will have more scars to stay with me for life. But that life is nothing so what do marks matter? If I don't do it? I don't know. I will still feel awful, but the pain will be locked inside me. Hurting inside. Killing me inside. Inside, outside...does it matter? I will be able to enjoy my time with M more without the soreness. I will move more easily and feel more at ease.

[*]what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know. I don't understmad this bit...I don't know. Arghhhhhh!

Oceanic · Post by **Oceanic** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 2:28 am

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I will be numb. I won't feel this squashing, heavy, squeezing sense that I cannot make it anymore.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I will be numb. I will be able to distance myself enough from myself to get donewhat I need to do.
I will have fresh scars, after not cutting since last April. I will feel let down by myself. I will ultimately be angry and sad with myself.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't want to feel like this in the long run. Cutting will make me feel farther then that...but I don't know that I care right now.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I hope that it will be long enough so that I will be sleeping. By the time I wake up, it will be another day.....

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could study or read or shower. I already showered, and I've been trying to study. I tried to call my friend, but when she asked if she could call back in a while, I without thinking said yes. That would have helped keep the situation changed until I could go to sleep and not need to worry about what will be different. I am having trouble comingup with anything else to do. It's hard to admit that really i want to cut because it's a poor second to suicide - but hopefully it will numb me enough so that I don't try suicide, again.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel like crap. I'll feel ashamed and disgusted with myself, and even more hopeless then I do already. But I'll feel the same, whether or not I cut.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to kill myself right now. I just want to stop feeling, I want to stop hurting, I want to stop thinking, and I want to stop breathing. I just want to not be alive anmore.

I don't want to honor that instinct.

chickie05 · Post by **chickie05** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 6:18 pm

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will feel more calm and more in control of the situation, and know my pain is real, rather than me just making it bigger in my head.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it will bring some sort of resolution for a moment and keep me sane, it'll take away in the sense that my accountability buddy will be hurt and feel betrayed and disappointed in me

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel accepted, and I know that by cutting I'm getting farther and farther away from being accepted because when someone sees the scars or the cuts they are going to ask, or assume, and I don't want either

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

it'll bring me relief for quite a while, until it heals up

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could try to call Pat or somemone else who knows and talk to them. but eventually I'll have to get off the phone and go to sleep and then I'll wake up and want to cut again.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I don't really know... if I hurt myself- I'll feel bad but not too bad about it- if I call someone and talk to them about it, I'll feel a little better- that I didn't much there isn't much of a gap

what do i really want to do right now?

I really want to cut

spiritchic · Post by **spiritchic** » Mon Oct 20, 2003 11:50 pm

this was such a great post....i don't really know what to say, except for the obvious.

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 2:54 pm

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel like there is something tangible wrong, that this is more than just a bunch of crap in my head. It will give me something to hold onto.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myslf might bring some urgency to the quest to get me help. It'll make me feel like I have a right to get help, and it might make it happen a bit faster. And it'll make me feel calmer and safer, it'll get rid of all the thoughts about doing it.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to get better. I want to stop being this ill. Hurting myself may bring me closer to that, cos people will listen a bit more.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
not long, I'll probably feel silly and stupid for doing it, which won't help at all. I'll just be ashamed, so I won't feel any more entitled to the attention and help. But that will probably be tomorrow, for today I'll feel relieved and and calm.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I gues I could write down how I'm feeling. That would be constructive cos I could take it with me to the doctors and it would help me say out loud what is wrong with me.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself I will feel silly and ashamed. I will probably feel exactly the same if I write down how I'm feeling, but if I do that I will probably just tear up what I've written.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Half of me wants to go to the bathroom and cut, then take care of myself and look after the wound. The other half of me wants to read, just to run away from how I'm feeling.

A_Caz · Post by **A_Caz** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 12:24 am

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

* Well... i might feel like ive took my mind of my problem harming myself... or i might just feel better inside

2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

* It would bring a scar depending on how much u cut, and blood ov course... but a remind for future refrence (dont think thats a good thing tho). it might take away, some of the pain, or some of the problem like saying if u was panicking it could take away the panick i guess

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

* Problem closer... because once u find a way to cope and to make yourself feel better u tend to stick to it

4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

* I guess about 5/10 minutes for me, it wud depend on how long i as doing it

5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

* I could write, get some air, do something to stimulate my mind. It could take me out of that mind frame and occuping my mind with something else...

6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

* I feel guilty and ashamed. If i did the other thing i fel relief.

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Right now.. i wanna talk to someone :p, i aint sure!

troubled_teen · Post by **troubled_teen** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 1:29 am

sine nomine wrote:write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

deb

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much! I've been trying to find ways to stop my SI. I've got my rubber band..which helps. But these questions will help a lot more. Thanks so much. I'll get to answering them a little later

fallensun_rising · Post by **fallensun_rising** » Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:43 am

how will it change?
it wont

hurting will bring?
clarity, feeling

it will take away?
everything - for a while

in the long run?
probably just a small aside, minimal effect

how long for?
until i sleep

what else could i do?
drink, throw up, phone someone but theres no one to phone, wander aimlessly round chat rooms til i either sleep or its morning n i can go someplace

tomorrow?
as now

what i actually want to do?
scream, cry, hug, talk, be listened to, listen to someone who knows, be rescued (probably wrong and ineffective not to mention unrealistic and unfair on the other person). im not sure

starry rapture · Post by **starry rapture** » Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:35 am

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it won't change, but i'll be able to deal with it better.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
hurting myself will bring temp. relief to do more. it takes away my health, control, and feeling.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
in the end closer to feeling depressed, alone, hurt, and scared.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief doesn't last long, usually i would hurt myself more, but ive found some awesome support here, and with other online friends. so im just been bearing the urge and emotions.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i can't change my situation, only myself. i try my best to keep my hands and mind busy doing something, anything except hurting myself.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i will feel awful that i didn't have enough guts, will power, and control over myself to last thru the mental pain.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
right now, i want my supporter to come online so i won't hurt myself. i almost caved right in the middle of typing this stuff, but i forced myself to focus.

abc · Post by **abc** » Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:12 am

cheers 4 this, will answer them sometime.

listening to urges questions to answer **si, su

listening to urges questions to answer **si, su

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