SI and sexuality a question of ?

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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mum2three
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SI and sexuality a question of ?

Post by mum2three » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:48 am

Well I have to ask because I could use any and all opinion ideas etc. One of the main reason for self harm is my history of Sexual abuse as a kid which has carried on to my adult life, the thing I wrestle with now is I have questioned my sexuality for many years but I got married anyway, not a happy place and I dont enjoy being intimate with him and once again I question my sexuality. I find myself attracted to another female at the moment and I have in the past but I wonder if it is just a reaction or could there be more to it? I am having major problems with SI because I question myself so much. As i said any remarks will be read and thought about.
Thanks mum23

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I'm.that.forgettable.
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Post by I'm.that.forgettable. » Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:13 pm

have you ever considered that maybe you are bisexual/gay/lesbian? It sounds a bit to me like you are, if you're having feelings for another woman.
.. these feelings may or may not have been caused by your sexual abuse. Honestly, there is no perfect answer. The fact that you're questioning yourself because of your past sexual abuse doesn't necessarily mean that it's the reason you are finding women attractive. Of course, it always could, but I think the main reason you're finding a connection between the two is that the sexual abuse has (as you've pointed out) affected your feelings about intimacy.

:star: Sorry if my rambling didn't help much. Just wanted to let you know I read and care.
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Post by Space_Man » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:20 pm

mum2three wrote: One of the main reason for self harm is my history of Sexual abuse as a kid which has carried on to my adult life, the thing I wrestle with now is I have questioned my sexuality for many years but I got married anyway…
It’s been a long time since I’ve done any reading on the topic, but back then, yes, I thought that the psychiatric community had begun to suspect that there might be some significant correlations between women who had experienced childhood SA, and those who identified as lesbians in their adult years…but, SA is such a monumentally complex issue, because it damages children on so many different levels, that it is really difficult to sort-out how it effects everything…

I guess what I would challenge you with are the following thoughts:
• Do you feel like the current issues with your husband are pretty closely connected to your history of SA—or, conversely, do you think the issues would still be there, even if you had no history of SA?
• How would you feel about living your life as a lesbian? Imagine it for a moment… Now, if there’s some warning signals going off in your mind—in other words, if you find that you would have to confront a lot of internal stigma against being a lesbian (and I mean A LOT—to the point that you wouldn’t even consider being a lesbian, because it just seems so unacceptable), then I would have you ask if you think the ‘attraction’ is really just a bit of a mirage, and might only be a means to ultimately isolate yourself from either sexual identity (that is, if you find yourself left feeling that you aren’t attracted to males…but it is just too unfathomable for you to become a homosexual—does that make sense?).
• In the final analysis, define your sexual identity for yourself—don’t let your past dictate it…and try not to let the present-day forces decide it for you. Your sexual identity is a very unique and special part of you—enjoy exploring it… :)
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Post by mum2three » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:15 pm

well thanx for replying to my post I definately have lots to think about. In answer to some questions firstly I myself would not have a problem living within a lesbian relationship only people around me would, Im happy to find out who I really am and be happy with that. As for if the SA has much of an impact on my current relationship I dont really know because it happened anyway, its just something I dont enjoy and never really have.

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Post by vampirelover » Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:35 pm

longest with no slips - 2 years , 6 months
time since last slip : 2 days

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