Remind me of consequences, please?

[dawni]

I'm not.. sure this is the right board to post this on. If it's not, I'm sorry; I think it is, though, but I'm not sure. I get so confused which board to put what on.


Um, anyway. Similar to the thread with the negative hospitally type consequences, I was hoping someone could give me some personal type consequences? Stuff like, if people would be upset with me, or worried for me, or angry with me? Reminders of how it could affect my relationships with people now or in the future, or my job, or anything like that. Sorry to be vague, I just need.. not reassurances, but something. Accountability? I'm not sure. Sorry. And thank you, to anyone who read, or is able to comment or not.

[NotWaving]

Long sleves and long pants when it's so hot you feel like you're going to faint OR people staring at you all the time if you are covered with scars and SI your arms or legs. Questions from strangers, rude ones. Having to explain to new people you meet years after your last episode, because your shirt sleeve slips up enough for poeple to see your arms, or to people who you'd want to be real friends because it's so obvious.
Or, my most recent fun experience after only one small relapse in 3 years (last year too, and the scar isn't on my arm) - going to the hospital for the FLU and having a nurse treat me like crap even though I wasn't there for SI issues at all but sick as a dog. She called me crazy, lol... who feels like that with a high fever and when they are puking their guts out... it's bad enough how they treat you when you need medical attention. And healthcare later down the road. I've found that the scars on my arms make normal Dr's all treat me differently! Had an accident and broke a rib and punctured a lung (again, hadn't cut in years at that point) and... they didn't want to give me appropriate pain medication... had to have my husband fight to get me pain killers for a legitimate injury because they thought I was going to randomly OD after being in a car accident. Plenty of consequences... I will be living with mine forever.... sucks, but it's true.

[dawni]

Thank you, NotWaving. There's a lot here I can (and will!) hold on to, thank you.

[NotWaving]

I forgot the biggest consequence for me, don't know how I forgot this one. I don't know if you are young or old, but for me THE biggest consequence has been having to explain my scars to my children (or worse having other children ask mine "what's wrong with your mommy's arms). Of course they have never seen an injury, but they can't help but see arms full of scars. If I could go back in time, if I could do anything to have gotten myself better BEFORE having children (no, I'm still not "better" but I AM a good mom) - I would do anything to protect them from ever seeing my arms. The simple answer "mommy got hurt when she was little" (a truth, and the reason, but clearly not a WHOLE truth) just doesn't work when they get older. My 11 year old has Asperger's so doesn't notice much about other people, but he's in junior high school now where cutting seems to be an epidemic with the older ones (12-14 at his school), and recently had the "moment" where he finally realized what all those scars were. He was very sad, and very worried, although I haven't done anything in a long time, and as far as *he* knows (not true) have never done it since he's been alive because of course I've always hidden any SI from my children with long sleeves at least until the sutures were out and the scars faded somewhat from that blazing red... but oh wow. If I could go back in time I would protect my baby from ever ever seeing those scars on my arms, and once they are there, they are there for life. In that way I have hurt MY child, and let MY past go on to affect him, what happened to me have an impact on him. And the same time will come as my other children grow.They don't need to and will never know about what happened to me as a child, but seeing that mommy was hurt, and mommy hurt herself - I want to cry when I think that the pain inflicted on me by others, then inflicted on me by myself has gone on to impact my babies in any way. That alone, more than anything is a *huge* consequence.

[dawni]

I'm 25, so in the middle between young and old, really, and am childless - but I do have several nieces and nephews who I love deeply, and can apply this to. Thank you for the reminder!

[Chaocontrol6]

OK I have only read the initial post (time issues) and so I might be repeating what may have already been said but here is my part :

Do you REALLY want to be constantly worrying about having to cover up your arms, do you constantly want to be worrying about if other people find out and having it always on your mind? Is it really worth it for just a few cuts? I don't think so.

Those reminders work for me Hope they help you too.

Jason

[dawni]

Thanks Chao, those are very important things to remember.

[sunflowerwoman]

how bad you feel afterwards

how embarssing it is tell your therapist even thought she already knows that you cut

how you have to explain it too someone else if they see your scars/cuts

[dawni]

Too true, sunflowerwoman! Thank you.

[bg]

I found my SI gets worse as time goes by. I was in the hospital for 65 days this year, and the dr. told me I could lose my arm from this time (I recovered), but when I got out my DBT therapist dumped me, and my psychiatrist says one more time and she too will dump me. THere are always consequences. I just bought 12 long sleeve shirts to cover my latest scars, and it's getting hot outside.

Only one person has seen my latest scars, and she looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Not a pleasant experience for me. I can't tell my family, everyone I've told has stopped being my friend.

I'm afraid they are going to lock me up in the state hospital, last inpatient my psychiatrist considered it. I'd lose my house, my job, my dogs, everything if that happens.

I hope you can stay safe. The scars take months and months to fade, and they are visible for years on.

[Isis]

I forgot the biggest consequence for me, don't know how I forgot this one. I don't know if you are young or old, but for me THE biggest consequence has been having to explain my scars to my children (or worse having other children ask mine "what's wrong with your mommy's arms). Of course they have never seen an injury, but they can't help but see arms full of scars. If I could go back in time, if I could do anything to have gotten myself better BEFORE having children (no, I'm still not "better" but I AM a good mom) - I would do anything to protect them from ever seeing my arms. The simple answer "mommy got hurt when she was little"

this just remembered me, when i was little i met a girl(older) with scars, she said she fell on the glass now i know why she had scars(wierd i remembered this now)