listening to urges questions to answer **si, su

[littletrubs]

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
[i]I would feel calm and relaxed as if I had released the feelings[/i]

2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
[i]It will take away the anger and bad feelings inside[/i]

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
[i]In the short term, yes, in the long term I will hate myself an turn the anger inwards. At the moment I know the anger isn’t towards myself.[/i]

4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
[i]The relief will last for the night, and in the morning I will feel so much worse that it will greatly increase the chance of getting hooked on it again[/i]

5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
[i]Write poetry. It will distract me and try to get rid of some feelings to get it manageable. Maybe writing why I am angry[/i].

6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
[i]I will feel angry, disappointed and ashamed and probably suicidal. If I do the other things I will feel proud and relieved and more grown up.[/i]

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
[i]I really want to SI, but I really want to not SI. I can distract myself and try to get the feelings out another way.[/i]

[pink1]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

Release,

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Hassle going to A&E but it will take the urge away for a while

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

Further I guess, I just want to feel peace and calm and if I cut I suppose I'll only feel that short term


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Its only sort term, the feelings will come back


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Wait for my GF to come over but really just wanted space GRR

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Probably glad I didn't cut


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to cut badly!

[rhiannon]

*how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won't really change... In fact, part of it may get worse. I think the feeling will still be there when I wake up tomorrow morning, but if I hurt myself tonight, I won't have to think about it until then.

*what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it'll bring into the situation... well, if I wind up taking off my sweatshirt in front of anyone (particularly my boyfriend), it might deteriorate our relationship even more. It won't really take away anything except... except the feelings for a little while.

*how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run, i really want to sort out how I feel. It might get me bit farther away from it yet closer to it simultaneously, if that makes any sense.

*if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Probably until I wake up in the morning. Then I'll just suffer through my day again and maybe even wind up repeating this tomorrow.

*what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Well, right now I'm trying to write it out and get rid of the urge. I'm inspecting the scarily vast list of coping strategies. It might keep me from cutting. I don't know how long it'll last or what I'll do afterward.

*how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel tired. Very tired. I might feel a little stupid if I do some of these things on the list, and I might even be even grumpier and stressed out tomorrow.

*what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Right now? I still want to cut.
... Actually, I want to get new razors, but same difference?

[Wall]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel good and be able to go on with my day. The tiredness will fade with the pain. The anxiety will release, at least some, and I'll be able to talk without stuttering.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring the needed internal body chemicals to get/keep me going. It will take away, temporarily, the bad feelings and bring a feeling of having dealt with myself. I will feel like I have done what is necessary to do the things that need to be done. If done "improperly" it will cause me grief with my husband. It will also make some tasks harder for at least a few days.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I did what was right, that I wasn't lazy or selfish or bad. I think it's a toss up on whether it will get me closer or farther from feeling this way. No, that's not true. I will feel closer because I sucked it up and got the stuff done I need to get done.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
How long it lasts depends on how I can work the release of pain and the appropriate internal stimulants -- on and off at least several days. Perhaps by then this horrible tiredness and axiety will have lifted at least a bit. If not, perhaps I'll hurt myself again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
That's a good question. I've taken my medication. I've prayed and tried to calm myself and take a bit of time out and relax.

I can force myself on through the tiredness and just deal with the anxiety and just hope to get through it. The tiredness and axiety just tend to build -- this is my normal route along with my next option. I can do this until I fall apart and lose it completely and become unfunctional. I'm close to this point now -- otherwise I wouldn't be answering these questions.

I can drink lots of caffeine, knowing that I'll be able to press on a bit and just deal with the anxiety. The outcome will be similar to above except the anxiety will build faster. How long it lasts depends on how much caffeine I ingest.

I can shirk my duties and stay in bed and rest and cry. I have no clue how long it would last. When I've done this in the past it's been hours or days and too much falls apart around me, which makes it harder to get going.

I can self-medicate to relieve anxiety and force myself through the tiredness with the added hope and outlook I get from the self-medication. It's not a good habit to start. It's not a good example for my children. Apart from self-harm, it is the most effective/workable.

I can call my husband and ask him to come home and give me a rest. He's having a bad time at work. I'm not sure he needs the extra stress. He doesn't do a good job supervising the kids and he leaves the kitchen in a complete shambles. This option creates more work for me in the long run.

I can kill myself, except that I can't. That option....my kids. No.

I can ask the boys to help a bit more with stuff that needs to be done. When I do that I feel guilty that I'm expecting them to be more grown-up than is right. I'll undoubtedly need to remind them a bit about some of the finer points. Maybe I can get a nap.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself tomorrow I'll be bummed, perhaps even angry, about the pain when I don't want it. If I do the other things not much will change. The outlook for tomorrow isn't that much different from today.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to feel un-tired, confident and capable. I want to have energy and be able to talk without stuttering or great effort. I want to not feel pressured to do this and that and that and that. I want not to be the grownup who has to hold everything together. I *want* to end it all and be done with the exhaustion, watching things fall apart around me, and the guilt at not being able to keep it all together.

I have no idea what it means to honor the self-protective instinct.

[strider 151]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
will make me feel calmer, in control, feel real
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
will bring realism, remind me im still alive and that i can still feel, will also bring pain sorrow anger and regret. will take away the stress and pain im feeling now
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
in the long run i wanna feel in control, calm, loved, worthy of attention and praise. hurting myself is likely to bring me closer to feeling in control and loved because they will be worried, but get me further from all the other things.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
only a few minutes or seconds, but it might be worth it. what will i do then? curl up into a small ball and cry and hope the situation fixes itsself.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
cry if i can, go 2 sleep, read a book. wont change the situation but might make me feel a lil better, might calm me down. idk how long it will last, depends what distracts me and then i will try something new until this passes, if it passes
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
hurt myself: temporary relief now, feeling guilty and painful and regretful tomorrow. if i do the other thing, i will feel proud and self satisfyed
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
what do i really wanna do right now? bleed out all my blood, see it turn the floor and my cloths and the bed red. but i also wanna be safe. i wanna see the blood drip down my arm, feel the wetness, but i also want this without the regret and evidence. idk how to honor any part of my instincts, they tear me in different diractions.