A question, please, for SIers

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 4:46 am

To those who SIed while living at home with parents (and siblings? Older, preferably) or to those who do currently live at home.

Do your folks know? How did you tell them? How do they feel about it?

I wonder if this oughtn't go in the subforum for friends and family...

Post by **Spidey** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:27 am

They know. They found out back when I was in high school. They don't like it.

troubles undone · Post by **troubles undone** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:45 am

The story of how they found out is a long one, and quite irrelevant to the SI.
but basically i had little choice but to tell them as they had suspicions anyway.

they hate it. their first reaction was to call a psychiatrist and i've been in therapy since.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:11 am

they don't know... i was about to tell them once, but luckily i decided against it... they'd hate it if they knew... to quote my mom when she read an article on SI: "if any of you ever did that i'd drag you into the woods and beat you till you stopped" so naaah i don't think i'll tell them anyway... but then that's my parents, we're not on the best of terms, so this isn't the best of refrance frames...

i'm curious... why do you ask?

Chis · Post by **Chis** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:31 am

I'm too afraid to tell them. Though they might have figured it out already on their own.
I'm just too scared of what will happen and how mad they'll be.

Cellardoor · Post by **Cellardoor** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:28 pm

they know, i told my mum, cos i needed her help.
she was supportive and lovely.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:16 pm

Congratulations, CellarDoor, on having support. You're lucky, that way.

And I'm sorry to everyone else whose parents don't support you. You deserve better, but you're so strong for being able to tell them.

And thank you, for answering.

I was asking because I wanted to see, in general, how parents react when finding out. Granted, of course, I know it depends on the parents and the relationship had with them... I'm contemplating coming out to my mom about it, so I can try to get help with other things. I don't SI anymore, but... I still get really down sometimes...

vampirelover · Post by **vampirelover** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:31 pm

with me the school rang them as one my friends caught me and told the teachers. Mine were okay about it just felt bad that i felt i couldnt talk to them.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:42 pm

Ooh. Some girls at school found out I did it once, a few years ago.

They spoke to a teacher, and then told me about it, but said that they didn't tell her (The teacher) who it was.

I was like... "Why would you do that?"

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:05 am

My school counsellor found out about a suicide attempt that I'd let slip to a friend. She told my mother all about everything, and for a little while I tried really hard to make her understand and asked her to find me help.

Instead she did silly things like confiscate my CDs, ban me from speaking to certain friends, forbid me to tell anyone for fear they'd call her a "bad mother" and she told me to stop pretending there was something wrong with me. To this day any self harm she sees causes an argument, which sometimes gets me kicked out of home for a night or two.

But this is just my mother. Most parents are quite baffled and terrified by the idea in the beginning but will eventually help support you. I'd recommend giving her as much information as possible, even introducing her to BUS if you feel comfortable.

There's some good stuff on coming out on Secret Shame under "Living w/SI".

Good luck

I hope she's supportive to you.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:46 am

I just don't know how my mom would react if she knew.

I mean, she sort of already went through this with my brother, years ago. But shouldn't a family have at least one normal kid in it? I was supposed to be that kid.

I don't know even know I would bring it up. "You know those scars on my foot you always ask about? They're not from Discordia"

I think she'd be superpissed.

kittyfever · Post by **kittyfever** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:37 am

My mom knows; I didn't tell her, she found out. She cried and sent me to therapy for a while, but it didn't really help. I suspect she just thought I was crazy or was in a phase. Meh.

ComfortablyNumb · Post by **ComfortablyNumb** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:38 am

I told them.
I wanted to go to therapy.
They put me there and talked about it like three times since then.
They pretended like it didn't exisit in hopes it would go away.
My family is great at avoidance.
I'm not in therapy anymore.
It didn't help me.
My parents think it's over the SI.
They don't know I still do it.

Underoath · Post by **Underoath** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:58 pm

I told my mum this past Tuesday. She actually didn't freak out too bad. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that she used to SI, so she gets it. We talked about it for a little while, and I even gave her my tools (by my own choice). She asks me every night now how I'm doing, and if I say not so good we'll talk about it. It seems to be working otu so far. Hope that helps You.

starcatuk · Post by **starcatuk** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:16 pm

my parents confronted me because they saw one of my cuts which i normally hid. it didnt go well i recieved a lecture about how stupid it was and really i think that was because they didnt understand. they blame it on one of my friends because they think that i copied her but really i had been doing it 2 years before they found out.

i hope you parents are more supportive.

Cellardoor · Post by **Cellardoor** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:26 pm

hey alyssa,
yeah i didnt quite know what to say to her like, 'mum, i cut myself'
didnt really seem... enough.
i just showed her my arms one night...

ya i am really so lucky to have such a reasonable, supportive mum, i didnt realise how rare she was untill i came to bus

do you think it would help you if your mum knew?
el xxx

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:14 pm

Help is a difficult word.

Would it help? Help make things awkward? Probably. Help me ask to a therapist? Hopefully. Which is whut I really want to do. I mean... Like... I'm almost nineteen, so I ought to be doing things on my own now, but it's really difficult, since I don't drive or anything, so... I really depend on her a lot, which kind of kills me.

I'm just really unsure how it would go and I hate doing things when I'm unsure.

I like to think that she'd be the understanding type - we do get along frequently - but when we don't get along, it's just brutal. So it would be an extreme, either way.

Either she'd be superunderstanding and supportive or she'd flay me.

I mean... She's not exactly stupid most of the time, so she must have some sort of idea, right? She's seen scars on my foot, which I've passed off as cat scars (My cat does like to play with feet, and she is clawed, so it's... mildly believable) and she recently read something where I said I was a (bad) masochist. Though, so many people confuse sadism and masochism, and the context in which I used it really could have been taken either way...

I don't know.

I want to thank everyone again for sharing with me. I hope the best for all of you.

dillon · Post by **dillon** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:40 pm

mi parents found out becos ve school didn't want to/kudnt keap it form parents ne longer. school had known about it for about a year before nefing got sed, after mene years of doing damage to myself. i was 14 or 15 at time parents found out. it wasn't best of responses i got form parents and i always hid it from vem, but left me with parents searching room more often for stuff. I'm glad vay didn't find out bout ve od's i were doing at coledge alvo vay did find out about one as coledge rang vem, brakein confidentiality. looking back on it i don't ce why mum always had such a go at me as she occasionally si'd, unless it were fru guilt

now away from parents and vay don't like fact vat i si, but vay dont reale comment on it ne more i fink vay have just aceptid its a part ov me and i not going to just stop overnite as it not vat easy

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:53 pm

I um... I can't understand that.

dillon · Post by **dillon** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:07 pm

sorea, kant find microfone to post a more readabal postin, try read words how vthay sound, sorea agan

A question, please, for SIers

A question, please, for SIers

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