Im afraid of happiness

[vampirelover]

I know this probably seems really wierd, but part of me doesnt want to get councilling or go on anti - deppressons as im scared of feeling happy. Dont get me wrong i want to be happy more than anything. But Im terrifed of feeling empty with out deppression as i feel like its always been part of me and i dont know who else I am apart from the deppressed girl. So i guess im saying im scared of being different but i wanna be happy. Can anyone understand this ? or have any advice.

[Underoath]

I don't have any advice seeing as I'm more or less in the same place You are, but I just thought I'd tell You that someone is reading, and does understand.

[Licentia Poetica]

It is totally natural to feel comfortable being depressed,

I miss the comfort in being sad

especially if you have been so for a long time and you feel like it is all that makes up your identity and personality.

You need to understand that that kind of thinking is part of the illness itself, and that once you start to break out of it it gets easier to see that your full potential and life isn't being fulfilled whilst you are depressed.

AD's aren't magically going to make you feel better, but they might make you see that happiness is worth it and you might want to work towards it. If anything they'll help relieve the physical symptoms of depression (tiredness, sleep disturbance, physical pain, etc)

Give it a go

[purdyflower]

I'm going through the exact same thing. I am in therapy and on anti depressents, but it's like I almost don't want to try that hard to get better, because I don't know how else to be other that depressed and I don't like change. I know exactly the fear of being empty if your not depressed. It's like, if I'm not sad and thinking negative things, what else is there to think about? I've been this way so long I don't know anything else. It's very weird and confusing. I just want you to know you are definately not alone!

[MusicalMorphine]

I know exactly what you mean because I was like that for a longggggg time. But these last couple of months I haven't been feeling too bad. I was happy for a bit and I can say it is a lot better. I think when you are depressed for a long time you just get used to it, but when you do experience happiness you kind of realise what you have been missing out on. And I know it might not feel that way right now, believe me, I am still stuck in the middle, but please, all of you just try. Woah, that last sentence made me sound like I am sounding like I am some recovered preacher. Sorry.

[Cellardoor]

i was so scared of getting better.
but in the end it was scarier being so sad.

x

[sweetelisum]

I'm used to being depressed. The only reason i fear happiness is b/c it feels so good and i worry that the next time i fall into one of my sad spells, it will feel worse than even b/c i'll actually remember what joy felt like.

[Silentdancer]

For me, like others have said, I am familiar with sadness and depression. it is the way I have lived over half my life and it is what I feel and believe I deserve. When I have glimpses of happiness I tend to squash them before something has the opportunity to come along and ruin it for me. The truth of the matter is (as I am starting to learn and believe) is that we all deserve to feel happy. Nobody is happy all the time, but that is okay too. Enjoy the happy moments and remember what they feel like. Eventually, they will help to give the strength you need to wade through the shitty times and will happen more frequently.

[Quiet little Angel]

*understands*

[thewaves]

Me too, I'm realizing.

[twinkletears]

i understand you and i wonder if i will ever be happy again,i forgotten what it feels like, but i would think it iowuld be alot better than depression

[amyfairy]

i felt *exactly* the same way.
i had comfort in feeling the same way i always did. it was almost like a second skin and it was all i knew for those years.
if things changed around me and within me, i thought (and feared) i'd lose my identify, i'd lose 'me'.
but you're not the depression. depression consists of many different feelings, but you are so much more than that. you are more then these feelings.

trust me, it's worth it.
i don't miss depression at all. i love being happy.

give it ago or you'll never realise how it could be.

[Chaocontrol6]

I understand where you are coming from, but I'm sorry that I can't give you any advice on this. Are hugz ok? If so then I'm free to give you some