Secrets and more (please stay safe)

volta · Post by **volta** » Thu May 31, 2007 4:56 am

What is your secret?
i want something to trigger me - terribly.
Why is it a secret?
there's no one to tell where i wouldn't sound sick, and i don't want them to help me "feel better."
What are your feelings about this secret?
i feel stupid for wanting to be triggered when sometimes it's so hard for me to fight cutting and i really want to get better
Why are you telling this secret now?
the feeling is so strong
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
don't look for triggers!
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
i really don't want to burden them, and i don't want them to realize that i'm sick like that.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
i don't know.
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
stay strong, just wait. remember how hard it is to deal with cutting when you're really hurting.

reachingout · Post by **reachingout** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:37 am

What is your secret? I am so scared of hurting others feeling that I will do most anything so that does not happen.

Why is it a secret? It's a secret because I come a cross as a person with it all together and working hard. People think I have a great self-esteem and that I don't have any problems being myself or how I come across to others.

What are your feelings about this secret? I just want to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby for a day and have someone tell me I am ok and that I am a good person enough if I mess up or have a bad day.

Why are you telling this secret now? I am so tired of living the right way acting the right way and not expressing myself to other openly.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? I am not sure how I would change it but just starting to talk about my feeling opening and not trying to be perfect in whatg I do.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? IO think I am almost ready to say it to someone but I always put on the face that says I am all professional and nothing can hurt me in that mode.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? I don't know but I would not think so but I have not found someone with this type of secret before.

What would you say to someone else with this secret? Be yourself and if people don't like you just know it their problem not yours.

recovering4me · Post by **recovering4me** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 1:54 am

What is your secret?
i'm not ok! i am NOT. im screaming on the inside. im so torn up and battered and bruised. the thoughts are back. and i want someone to help me.

Why is it a secret?
i'm afraid to tell anyone.

What are your feelings about this secret?
i need to let someone know

Why are you telling this secret now?
it just started back happening.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
i could tell k about my secret. maybe.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes i need to.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
try and open up about it.... so you can get help

wilson · Post by **wilson** » Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:27 pm

What is your secret?
the time i spoke to H i told her to leave me alone cos i was tired and wanted to sleepa dn i will see her in the morning

Why is it a secret?
because it makes me sound like such a selfish bitch who doesnt care about anyone other then herself

What are your feelings about this secret?
i hate that these were my last words. i wish i didnt say them

Why are you telling this secret now?
because the last convo we ever had has beeen running though my head all day and i cant sleep because if it.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
invent a time machine so i can have anothergo

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
i've never spoke about what was really said in out last converstaion. i remember it word for word. but i dont tell people everything. it just hurts too much

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
i dunno.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 6:20 am

What is your secret?
When I was little I used to pray to God to make me white. Today I would still change races if given the chance.
Why is it a secret?
Because I think no one race is better than another and that people should be proud of who they are, even though I have a hard time accepting who I am.
What are your feelings about this secret?
I am ashamed that I feel this way.
Why are you telling this secret now?
Because my hair was especially ugly today and it just made me hate myself even more.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I did. It was too much and she didn't respond.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
No.
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
Be proud of who you are.

JadaKiss · Post by **JadaKiss** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 7:12 pm

What is your secret? Everyone knows I SI, but they don't know I do it now sometimes to punish myself over eating issues. I think I'm giving myself a psychological eating disorder, but I don't starve myself or binge and purge.

Why is it a secret? Because the last thing I need is for people to think my weight loss wasn't legit in the first place, which it was, I'm just obsessing over keeping it that way.

What are your feelings about this secret? Well, because it relates to my SI, I don't really separate the two? But perhaps I should...

Why are you telling this secret now? Because when u admit something it becomes more "real" and then you're more likely to do something about it.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? Kind of... I could make sure I stuck to my original healthy lifestyle and didn't allow myself to fuck up and cheat with sweets and unhealthy foods; lately, I've not been around places where I have access to those kinds of things and I just make excuses and eat them... I can't NOT eat, so I will shop and get my salads and meats so I'll be ready to get back on track.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? I kind of have told people already that I think I'm creating this psychological eating complex, but I'm not sure how much further it really goes. I do find comfort in food, but in my sugar free, starch free, processed-food free lifestyle, I can eat all the sugar free candy I want and not gain a pound!

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? Probably not.... it's shared by people who have eating disorders, but I don't fit into that category of Anorexia or Bulimia.... but I do physically punish myself if I know I've been bad, which has only been recently.

What would you say to someone else with this secret? Tell someone safe, and ask them to be your support person who you can call when you're tempted to eat something "wrong" or when you're contemplating "SI" someone who will go for a walk with you to "burn it off" or be there to give you sound advice and encouragement.

JadaKiss · Post by **JadaKiss** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 7:13 pm

recovering4me wrote:What is your secret?
i'm not ok! i am NOT. im screaming on the inside. im so torn up and battered and bruised. the thoughts are back. and i want someone to help me.

Why is it a secret?
i'm afraid to tell anyone.

What are your feelings about this secret?
i need to let someone know

Why are you telling this secret now?
it just started back happening.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
i could tell k about my secret. maybe.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes i need to.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
try and open up about it.... so you can get help

would you be wiling to tell us?

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:38 pm

What is your secret?
I can't let him go, he means too much to me. In a lot of ways he's nearly all i have to keep me here.

Why is it a secret?
because my family and friends (irl) don't know what's going on. his friends hate me. and people here all seem to hate him too which is my fault i think.

What are your feelings about this secret?
im scared and ashamed of it. i think it makes me weak.

Why are you telling this secret now?
because its a case of say it somewhere or SI and i don't want to give in and do the latter....i've come too far for that.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
find a reason to live that goes beyond him i guess. not that i know how to or where to look or ahything.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
no. the only people i could talk to IRL, one is very far away in Loughborough and the other way is going through stuff in her own life so its not fair to push this on her too.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
yes. no. fuck knows. it would nice to know that im not, but i imagine i might be.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
talk to someone. tell someone. ask for help in finding reasons to live other than him. and its ok to cry if it helps.

EDIT--PM's are ok.

Masquerade · Post by **Masquerade** » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:43 pm

tags to copy/paste:

What is your secret?
I am still very angry at someone who hurt me in the past
Why is it a secret?
Because it was a long time ago...It was my fault, I should be over it by now.
What are your feelings about this secret?
Makes me feel like I'm a big baby. What he did made me feel worthless. I still feel worthless and I'm still afraid....
Why are you telling this secret now?
I keep having dreams about it.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I have tried, but I shut down when I ever start thinking about talking to someone about it.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Porbably not. No
What would you say to someone else with this secret?

gravitys-rainbow · Post by **gravitys-rainbow** » Sat Jun 16, 2007 1:28 am

PMs okay

What is your secret?
I tell people i am control. i am not. i can't stop

Why is it a secret?
becuase if people knew they would make me get help

What are your feelings about this secret?
it scares me

Why are you telling this secret now?
i jsut felt it was the right time..

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I'm not sure...

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
not in person

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
yes

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
talk to someone.

recovering4me · Post by **recovering4me** » Mon Jul 02, 2007 3:15 am

Licentia Poetica wrote:

What is your secret?

im not ok.

Why is it a secret?
im pretending im fine so nobody worries about me

What are your feelings about this secret?
it hurts

Why are you telling this secret now?
i need to get it out

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
let someone know im not ok

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
let someone know they worry because they care

Koru · Post by **Koru** » Mon Jul 02, 2007 7:25 pm

What is your secret?
I had a fling with a friend of mine (and the ex of a friend) and the scary thing is I think I let myself love him
Why is it a secret?
Because he is afraid that his ex would be angry if she found out and (to be honest my ex would be more than a little hurt too)
What are your feelings about this secret?
Guilty, hurt, really stupid - I knew he was trouble, I saw what he did to his ex and I fell for him anyway.
Why are you telling this secret now?
Because this weekend he slept with his ex whilst I was in the next room crying myself to sleep. He knew I was crying and he knew why and he did it anyway - I've just realised how little I mean to him and how selfish he is.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I could tell his ex why I was such a bitch yesterday and why two people she thinks are her friends are no longer talking but I have to do it because I want to be honest and not out of spite and jealousy. I could 'get over' him.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I've told my sister so I guess I already have. It's whether I tell his ex or not that's the issue.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Probably not - possibly not even with him!
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
If his ex's friendship matters to you then you owe it to her to be honest. If it doesn't, walk away from them both and don't look back.

Feel free to PM

smiles-of-pain · Post by **smiles-of-pain** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:16 pm

What is your secret?
I only want to go IP because I'm scared to be responsible.

Why is it a secret?
Because it's not right to want to go IP for something like that..

What are your feelings about this secret?
It's child-ish, selfish, embarrassing.

Why are you telling this secret now?
Because I don't want it to be secret and this will probably be my only chance.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
No.. I don't know what to do about it.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
Yes, I plan on it next week in counseling.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
No, and then again, maybe.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
Don't be afraid to live life, take chances and be open to all sorts of opportunities.

_MessedUp_ · Post by **_MessedUp_** » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:42 pm

What is your secret?
I've strated SIing again

Why is it a secret?
No-one knows about it, i think my ex might no but he has no right to challenge me over it anymore

What are your feelings about this secret?
I feel ashamed of myself for going back to my old way of coping. i thought i was over this

Why are you telling this secret now?
cos i need to tell someone

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
right now i don't feel like anything will make my life better

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
i need to talk to my housemate S, she's my closest friend but i'm scared of telling her

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
No, i mean i know on BUS there are a lot of others who SI. But IRL i'm not so sure, i don't really know anyone

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
how do you cope with the urges? how do you cope with the shame? how do you cope with the dirty looks and whispers behind your back? why do we do this to ourselves?

sweetelisum · Post by **sweetelisum** » Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:32 pm

What is your secret?
I still have feelings about something/one that I cant let go of
Why is it a secret?
because if anyone knew, they would think i was crazy. They all think that things are well and I have stopped caring about this.
What are your feelings about this secret?
I want to know whether or not i should just let go for good.
Why are you telling this secret now?
Its draining me. I don't know if this really is just me being a nut. I'm obsessing.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
not yet
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I've tried, with a friend. they attribute it to me just wanting to be a risk taker or dramatic.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
so very alone.
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
i'd tell them to do what feels right in their heart[/b]

vampirelover · Post by **vampirelover** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:49 pm

tags to copy/paste:

What is your secret? I need help

Why is it a secret? Im afraid others will think im a even bigger failure

What are your feelings about this secret? I think im afraid and i should get help but im afraid of help as well

Why are you telling this secret now? caus im afraid

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? no

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? no the person i would ever tell i wont see till September

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? yes

What would you say to someone else with this secret? can we talk

vampirelover · Post by **vampirelover** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:57 pm

tags to copy/paste:

What is your secret? I atempted susicide when i was 9
Why is it a secret? caus i only told one person she asked me why and i changed the subject caus i was afraid of judgement
What are your feelings about this secret? I think its a wierd thing for a 9 year old to do
Why are you telling this secret now? caus i need to tell someone

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? no

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? mayby but she might go straight to my parents.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret? no

What would you say to someone else with this secret? Dunno

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:33 pm

What is your secret?
i was SA'd by a girl from my class between the ages of 7 and 10...

Why is it a secret?
because it's embarrassing... and i'm ashamed of it...

What are your feelings about this secret?
shame... guilt... anger...

Why are you telling this secret now?
because i've started coping with it here on bus, and i like these questions...

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
try to keep in mind that i didn't bring this on myself...

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
maybe... but i don't think so... it's still way too painfull... but at some point i want to...

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no... probably not... but i don't know anyone else with it...

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
that... they weren't at fault... and... ehm... i don't know...

_____iamacliche · Post by **_____iamacliche** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:10 pm

What is your secret?
i let people hurt me/ make me feel used so that i don't have to hurt myself.

Why is it a secret?
because i'm scared to admit to myself that i'm hurting.

What are your feelings about this secret?
i feel ashamed/ bad about it.

Why are you telling this secret now?
because it's tearing me apart.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
stop putting myself in the position to get hurt.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
i did. it took alot, but i did it.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
probably not, no.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
open up about it. and you're not alone.

x

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Sat Aug 18, 2007 10:04 pm

What is your secret?

I'm lusting over an older man I've known for years, I can't help finding him attractive.

Why is it a secret?

because I don't want to seem wierd or a slut

What are your feelings about this secret?

worried, because he has subtley expressed an intrest in me and instead of running away I'm tempted

Why are you telling this secret now?

because I don't need to explain myself here, I need to say it

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

I really don't know

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

maybe a friend, but I'm scared they'll think it's gross

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

probably not, but its rare isn't it?

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

I understand how attractive the idea of sleeping with an older man is, they always seem more mature and in control. it doesn't mean you're sick in the head.

bus

Secrets and more (please stay safe)

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