new 2 me

[tinman]

hi people,

i just discovered this site an hope it will help me understand why i have recently started cutting. i am 29, male so am not the typical self harmer - if there is such a thing - for 7 years i was on heroin an crack which i injected, now since february i have gone from using 100+ pound a day crak/smak to using 30 pound every fortnight. but just recently i discovered this new thing...cutting myself. yeah it does help me forget and cope wiv everything, i dont no how im feelin when i do it, i dont feel nothing i just cut and watch...an then after i feel like a weights been lifted from my shoulders...ther are no specific times when i do it, yeh ther hav been things that hav made me do it, but no routine as such, it just kinda overtakes me and i go to the place where i keep the blades and cut...

i am here coz im looking for someone to help me understand things coz i sure am havin trouble at the moment, i hope u guyz are gonna help me coz evryday i am getting worse an worse, deeper an deeper

i got a kid too, if he sees my arms an wrists i am in big trouble, so i hide it from just about everyone. who wants a dad what cuts himself...

also i am here coz i hope u people understand what im sayin, the 3 friends that have seen my cuts cant understand an i cant explain, i just cut an i cant explain how it makes me feel better it just does.

Please help..

Tinman x

[Brit]

Welcome to BUS. I'm pretty sure that people here will understand you. They understand me very well.

[vampire_kisses]

Hey there, Tinman.
Welcome to the bus!
Here, have a welcome cow!
You'll find a lot of great infromation here, you've come to the right place.
How old is your son?
Cutting is an addiction,
The reason it makes us feel better, is different for every person.
Someone said it releases endorphines, (what drugs do)
but I'm not 100% sure on that.

[pinky]

hi tinman and welcome to bus...have another cow...



i have two kids...i understand and feel free to pm me anytime...

[Lee-ann]

Hi ya Tinman

Welcome to bus
I had a friend that did smak and stuff
if you need a chat feel free to pm me
you will find understanding her

Hugs
Leanne x

[Spidey]

welcome to bus! have a welcome !

[tinman]

Thanx you guyz 4 being so welcoming!

I have just spent the weekend round my ex's coz it woz my lil boys birthday - not so little ne more tho - he was 12 on saturday, an he has just grown up in the last month, finding girls and all the sort of stuff what goes wiv that lol

i was so happy 2 c him but i still ended up cutting when he was playing out and the state of me now...it aint pretty.
i really felt so helpless wen he woz out, i just felt like i woz losing my little boy, the little kid has grown up an i no its stupid an i am so happy really that hes got a girlfriend an stuff but he aint my little boy no more an now i feel like i have lost him 4 ever, being in an outta jail all his life an now i have lost the chance to be a dad 2 him coz now he got his m8s and girls - its crazy but i think i woz feelin like i woz jealous or sumthing, jealous of my own kid having mates and girlfriends? its so fu***d up i know, but i think that is why i cut on saturday..ther is something badly wrong wiv me.

an i just feel so terrible today. i woke up an went an got him woke up 4 school, i hadnt been down ther for 3 months before this weekend an i missed him so much, but neway, as i sed i woke him up and i just loked at him sleeping an i had tears in my eyes, just looking at him asleep, its so crazy aint it? i just walked up to the bus garage wiv him an saw him off to school, an wen hes gone i just cried...an now im on here...

sory 4 goin on.....

thanx 4 the cows, kinda random but cool !


Tinman x

[Lee-ann]

Hi ya

here is a hug honey bun

i hope you feel better soon


-Leanne x

[Poppies]

I know your post was over a week ago, and I hope this is still relevant...

It's natural to find it hard when our 'children' grow up, and it can be painful to see them become more independent. That doesn't mean that we don't want them to be independent.... but it doesn't stop it hurting when we see it start to happen.

My daughters are 23 and 20... but they'll never stop being my 'babies'.

You haven't lost the chance to be a dad to your son. Yes, he has his friends... but he'll always need you. The thing to do is to allow him to grow... allow him to gradually and slowly learn to be independent. The teens can be a scarey time - both for the child and the parent... but with good communication and effort on both sides, it is possible to survive that stage intact as friends!!

For yourself, do you have any professional support? I would imagine that it's a big thing coming off drugs... do you have the help of any sort of counsellor? Is this an option for you?

[Spidey]

if it helps you, there is a substance abuse support thread here in coping - it's called "just one victory".