dunno what to do...

[xxsilentxkaosxx]

hmm..well, i'm Kate..im 15 and i've been cutting since i was 10. i recently told my parents about my si andddd its been a little crazy since then..my dad doesnt really say much about it or ask questions..but my mom asks me everything and complains that she doesnt understand.. which..fine..but the way she asks things and they questions shes asking..would be typical of the group of guys who constantly pick on me for cutting.. ex. what the hell do you do that for?, doesnt that hurt?, thats really wierd etc. it really bothers me but she has no concept of a trigger, and if i tell her that something she's said botherd me and maybe brought on urges she would automatically think that shes the reason every time. shes always saying things like what in your life is so bad that you have to cut?? or you have nothing to be stressed out about! and it really makes me feel like im being stupid and that i have no justified reasons for doing what im doing...i dont know how to tell her half the stuff i need to because she'll flip out and shes pretty much punnishing me for it..apparently i have an "attitude problem" because im sorta bitchy a lot of the time..but its mostly because of urges or being close to them or feeling bad for cutting...but again..if i told her that she'd flip. shes taken away AIM and other things but she hasnt let me put AIM back on the computer yet because shes convinced thats the problem..denial? lol...

my real problem here tho, is that she wants to see my legs [the only place i'll cut] because she thinks it will help her be able to sleep again..and i keep saying no because i know it'll make things worse..and she keeps getting pissed at me because she cant grasp the fact that i actually can think for myself and know certain things just dont work...
so..should i give in and make her feel worse..or should i keep saying no until i turn blue in the face?

[Licentia Poetica]

Welcome to BUS

The answer to your last question is neither. It looks like your parents need some INFO. She needs to understand that you're taking care of yourself (maybe not in the best way, but the only way you know how right now). She needs to see that what you do to yourself is NOT in any way as important is WHY you do it, feelings are always more important than actions.

There are I guess things about self harm that are confusing to outsiders. Like the idea of "doesn't it hurt??" which I guess is okay to talk about, but never in a ridiculing way and never until the relationship has gotten to the point where both people are comfortable talking about it that casually and descriptively.

Have you looked at the secret shame website? http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html It might be an idea to ewither introduce your mum to it, or print some stuff for her. Also wander over to the family and friends section of BUS, there's HEAPS of info there you can print out for her, or if you're comfortable enough, you could even get her to join. If you're not, there's ways you can get around that. I'm sure if you post over there someone may be willing to talk with her about it through email.

You're not alone. We're here. Keep reaching out.

El

[riseagainst]

my mom asked alot of questions like that too..those sound reallyyyy familar even them taking everything away haha they even took aim from me too
they just dont understand

i didnt really have a choice to show them my dad pretty much pinned me down and yanked my sleave up

i think maybe you should give them a site or packet with information about si and wait untill they understand better to show them

[dncn4lyfe77]

My mom did pretty much the same thing ie. Doesnt it hurt? Why do you do it?

that kind of thing


My response that pretty much shut her up was

"Physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain"

You could also tell her there is a biological reason why it makes you feel better, and that getting hurt whether you doing it or something else, releases endorphines, and endorphines make you happy


Something concrete like that might help her understand a little more. People generally have a harder time seeing things from someone elses point of view but when presented with the facts, they seem to be more accepting of it.


take care and good luck!


<3 sarah

[xxsilentxkaosxx]

yeahh, i havent been keeping up with my posts =P but shes still after all this time trying to get me to show her and its really..really..really REALLY annoying..because shes pulling the "oh well if you actually liked me maybe this would be easier" or "fine i'll have to look while you're sleeping" crap. i gave her countless things to help her understand and she just still doesnt get it..

[plantt]

would the two of you be able to work out a compromise?
eg maybe agreeing to have your legs looked at by a doctor and then having a note written or let the doctor talk with your mom...
maybe, beyond curiosity, she's concerned about the severity and whether or not you're taking steps to prevent infection and such...

[xxsilentxkaosxx]

i guess...she wont tell me why she wants to see..she just does i guess..but shes not exactly...she kinda pokes fun at me a lot..i dont want that to happen