That wasn't the truth.

[Masquerade]

I really didn't mean to lie. I didn't even think twice about it until this morning when I got woken up by a terrible nightmare.

I never considered it SA. . NEVER
I was his girlfriend. I put myself in that position.
I was only asking for it.

euejdujernsdjk bah! Anyway...

My T asked me on tuesday if I was angry at anyone other than I had mentioned before, and I said no.
But the truth is, I'm pissed at someone. Haven't seen or talked to this person in years and I'm hangin on to this..*stupid*
It was my fault.

I didn't mean to lie, but this isn't something I want to bring up in T because it makes me feel worthless.
And if I do bring it up, she'll ask me why I lied..I don't know what to do.


I'm sorry to post here, I'm just having a hard time getting through this day. I just want to crawl back in bed..

[heliotropes]

You didn't lie. It didn't enter your mind at the time.

If this is giving you nightmares, you should perhaps talk about it with your T. The very fact that it makes you feel worthless to me suggests it's something that needs to be explored - the most important things are never easy.

It doesn't matter if it was SA or not. What's important is the way it made you feel.

Your T won't be angry at you for "lying". She will appreciate that you have spent time thinking about her question, and I think she will admire you for being brave enough to talk about something which is obviously very difficult.

I hope all goes well

Abi xx

[plantt]

I never considered it SA. .
--mention just that.

things done to me i never had thought of as Important either....
sometimes it takes awhile to realize even that it was not something "normal" or "good" or "could cause future probs"

might as well bring it up now as later....

just mention it as you did in your post.... "thinking about what you asked i realized that i have been sa'ed.... i didn't answer as what was done i haven't ever considered sa..... yet i feel i need to mention it...'
or something.

[dncn4lyfe77]

I had a boyfriend who guilt tripped me into having sex with him.

POSSIBLE SA TRIGGER
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He also once "missed" and penetrated me analy without my consent. I had to push him off of me to get him to stop.
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END TRIGGER

I didnt think of that as SA until I read your post. I never thought that things my boyfriend did COULD be SA, because sexual things with your boyfriend supposedly come with the fact that you are his girlfriend.


Thank you for your post. It made me realize so much about my past relationship and just why I resent him so much


Take care of yourself

<3 sarah

[Masquerade]

Thank you guys for you reply to my post. It really means a lot. I felt stupid for posting but then again I was hoping for some feedback.

It is a tough thing to deal with. I was so young I'm not sure I knew any better. And I remember everythn just as it could have been yesterday, I was cryin and I told him I wasn't ready and I didn't want to sleep with him. He said that sence he loved me, it was going to be okay. Whatever, I don't want to go into anymore detail in a post.

but where I'm stuck is, I dated him for a year after that. He was a jurk and treated me not so great. Where I see it as, I could have left him. But I didn't. I chose to stay. So I don't know.

I hate being a person of the past so I've forgotten about it, till the other.
So I guess if I am holding a lot of anger towards him I should talk to my T about it. But really, I'm holding a lot of aner towards myself.

Now that I'm thinkin about it, none of my relatinships were good. Maybe that's why I'm afraid of men (no im not a man hater). Maybe that's why I just keep letting myself get used and hurt, and why I have no interest in dating at all. I dunno...

but Seradjernie your right, sometimes avoiding the truth is how we cope.

I'll deff talk to my T about it.