feeling bad and schoolwork/exams

[fourleafclover89]

hi everyone,
i've been reading here for a bit but barely posted because i took a while to get used to everything. but i wanted to say thank you for providing such a nice atmosphere..some of your posts have been really helpful to me. anyway, i will have been si free for 3 months on friday, which is really cool as before that i had been doing it on and off for 4 years. it's been pretty rough, as i am in my final year of school and have lots of expectations to meet with regard to exams, success etc. also, my emotional life has kind of fallen apart since i stopped - as one of my teachers said 'the smiley, bouncy you is gone and the look at you sideways and you might cry you is here'. at first i had terrible anxiety but i'm getting much better at dealing with that. the thing is, a few weeks ago my year coordinator found out about my si and he reacted really badly, phoned up my parents (they knew but were really unhappy that he knew) and has since treated me really differently. that doesn't bother me soo much (it does, but i got over it) but ever since then my mood has changed completely. i feel empty, can't sleep, am always tired, don't care about anything, don't enjoy anything anymore. i think i'm depressed. this has happened before, in years 9 and 10. trying to deal with feelings and feeling really ^&#@ all the time is quite difficult (i'm only just now learning how to deal with emotion because i've never been a teenager without si before now). i could cope with that, but i've got exams starting on friday. this is disastrous. i can't concentrate AT ALL! i've made notes and everything but i can't study because it just doesn't go in my head. and if i'm not good at school, i'm worthless. not to mention the fact that everyone will freak out about the fact that i've gone from top of my year to not so good :s ...has anyone ever been in a similar situation? any tips for concentrating?

sorry for the long post. i hope this is ok and in the right place and everything! any comments v. v. welcome and hugs would make my day thanks!

[Licentia Poetica]

Hi there

Firstly, congratulations on the almost-3 months. That's excellent

I think a lot of people find that once they're out of the "SI haze" (if there is such a thing) their feelings do tend to be stronger, and you find more things that you have to cope with emotionally, because you're not running to hurt yourself when things are difficult.

It's important to keep things in perspective. Schoolwork isn't everything. And depression does make it hard to concentrate and be motivated. (and btw it does sound to me like you are depressed)

Have you a doctor or counsellor you could talk to about coping with these feelings?

A thread I've often found useful

Keep fighting

[fourleafclover89]

hey,
thanks a lot for your reply, it really meant a lot to think someone would reply to my post ...i had my first exam today and it went better than i thought it would. im so tired, but i dont think there's anything i can do for my feelings at the moment. ill just try to celebrate my 3 months in a quiet sort of way. i got up the courage to talk to my year-coordinator about everything going on and he said that was ok and could talk to my teachers if i did badly, so that takes a little bit of pressure off. also, that thread link was very helpful. thanks!

[Licentia Poetica]

Well done.

Good on you for reaching out as well.