Trying is REALLY hard

[briochick]

Ok, I've been seeing people on and off for...about a year. That's great. Only with the last T have I actually stopped (mostly stopped? nearly stopped? stopped with slips?) si-ing. She is all about dealing with things in the moment, not delving into my past and pain, which is great because all that delving with the other Ts made me a basket case. I cannot function AND delve, it doesn't work.

Of course when I first went to her clinic they contracted me not to si, which for about two weeks made me nearly insane (in the literal sense). Bleh, cold turkey is not fun and should only be done by people who really want to stop. haha, I kept saying "Ok, changed my mind, don't want to stop" but they wouldn't let me off the hook that easily. "Sweety, if we think you're hurting yourself or could be a danger to yourself we're calling campus security." Ah, I hated her for a while.

that was two months ago. Now I like her. In the last 8 or 9 days I even had a whole day where I had no urges. I meet with her twice a week, once for counceling, the other for life skills stuff. She's taught me a bunch of stuff. Like imagry, and using wise mind, and being in the moment, and self soothing, and all this other stuff, but lately I haven't been using it as much. I've gone back to sleeping all the time as a way to not deal with things. I don't know, I think I'm tired of having to try so hard, and I forget too.

Do any of you know what I'm talking about? Do you have any suggestions for how I can get motivated again, or how I could remember in stressful or hard situations?

[TheAlmightyMogg]

its good you are stopping that excellant
ive never had a T so i dont know what its like. i dont have people telling me to stop ...but then again i guess that means ill never stop which sucks

dont give up you can do this much love
Mogg

[Licentia Poetica]

Well. I think you articulated it very well if only in your title. Trying IS hard. And tiring, and sometimes you even have to give up functioning in order to work through emotions.

I guess all I have to say is keep reminding yourself why it's worth it. If you find yourself in a happy, inspiring moment, try to preserve it by writing it down, or saving things that make you feel good and want to try.